Remember when you were single? A day at the beach meant calling a few friends, grabbing your towel and heading out. That all changed when the kids came along. Now, preparing takes almost as long as the drive there. You have to lather them with sunscreen, since it is better to let it soak in a bit before heading out into the sun. Then get them into their swimsuits. Of course, as soon as the suit is on, Sally needs to use the bathroom. Okay, take it off again and then put it back on.
Now for gathering the toys. Billy wants the blue pail and shovel, but all you can find is the red one. That will not do. He has a little tantrum and says in that case, he's not going. Somehow you manage to convince him the red one is much better. Sally hears this and decides she wants the red pail and shovel too. A small fight breaks out and you start wondering why you wanted to go to the beach in the first place.
But you do want to go and so do the kids. So you pack a lunch, because you know as soon as you get there, even though they have already had lunch, they will want a drink or a snack. But they can't go in the water after eating. By the time you explain to them why they can't go in the water, sufficient time has passed and they now can. Of course, this confuses them more. So you spend another half hour explaining why it's okay now.
After all is said and done, you have a great day. Just seeing how happy they are and how fascinated they are with the lake, you realize, spending a day at the beach with the kids is much more fun than it used be with your friends.
GOOD RELATIONSHIPS MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON
Human beings do not exist in an individual vacuum any more than the other species of animal or bird who live on this planet. We are social in nature and our basic and primary instinct of survival tells us that we need a mate in order to fulfill that very task.
And as a matter of day to day survival we know that we need more than just that mate to enable an easier and safer way of living. It is extremely difficult, in fact virtually impossible, to survive for very long alone. Solitary confinement is one of the harshest punishments which can be meted out to a human being. We rely on social interaction and approval to feel a positive sense of self.
Relationships are massively important to us; relationships with our spouse, parents, children and associates all contribute to how we feel in our daily world. Good relationships provide a good feeling, encouraging sensations of peace, harmony, well-being and success. When involved in a good relationship it is easy to become a better person; it is easier to be patient and tolerant and encouraging to others.
When you look around you at what is happening in contemporary day to day life in the Western World, you see many examples of intolerance and impatience. I was on a train this morning and overheard the lady in front of me saying that she was unable to get on the previous three trains as she had a suitcase with her and not one single person had made any effort to help or to make way for her. Imagine that! This is a very sad and sorry state of affairs.
In a lot of ways I think this is a reflection of the way in which close relationships and family units have broken down. Few marriages last; few couples remain together. And when you are not in a good close relationship the tendency is to feel lonely and alone, vulnerable and therefore defensive. When you feel defensive you are less likely to reach out to others to proffer a helping hand; instead the tendency is to withdraw and to retreat. You do not have the same store of good feelings which you could otherwise share with the world around you.
The negative impact upon society is great when a lot of people withdraw and become intolerant and impatient. One has to fight those feelings of loneliness and vulnerability. One has to remember that in general what you give out you get back. In learning to be tolerant and patient, you give out good vibes which attract good things into your life, including good relationships. If you would like to attract your soul mate, and keep your soul mate, make sure the vibes you put out are the ones which you would like to be given back to you in that relationship.
Good relationships not only set the scene to make you a better person, the positive feelings which are created permeate throughout the world around you, promoting peace and harmony; a sense of caring and being cared for, being thoughtful towards others and receiving thoughtfulness in return.
Hypnosis downloads can be very effective in helping a person to feel relaxed and comfortable, confident and therefore more tolerant; they can help you to create good relationships and to attract your soul mate into your life.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads to help create good relationships.
P.S. Why not grab a free hypnosis download from my website and discover how easy it is relax and feel good about yourself?
And as a matter of day to day survival we know that we need more than just that mate to enable an easier and safer way of living. It is extremely difficult, in fact virtually impossible, to survive for very long alone. Solitary confinement is one of the harshest punishments which can be meted out to a human being. We rely on social interaction and approval to feel a positive sense of self.
Relationships are massively important to us; relationships with our spouse, parents, children and associates all contribute to how we feel in our daily world. Good relationships provide a good feeling, encouraging sensations of peace, harmony, well-being and success. When involved in a good relationship it is easy to become a better person; it is easier to be patient and tolerant and encouraging to others.
When you look around you at what is happening in contemporary day to day life in the Western World, you see many examples of intolerance and impatience. I was on a train this morning and overheard the lady in front of me saying that she was unable to get on the previous three trains as she had a suitcase with her and not one single person had made any effort to help or to make way for her. Imagine that! This is a very sad and sorry state of affairs.
In a lot of ways I think this is a reflection of the way in which close relationships and family units have broken down. Few marriages last; few couples remain together. And when you are not in a good close relationship the tendency is to feel lonely and alone, vulnerable and therefore defensive. When you feel defensive you are less likely to reach out to others to proffer a helping hand; instead the tendency is to withdraw and to retreat. You do not have the same store of good feelings which you could otherwise share with the world around you.
The negative impact upon society is great when a lot of people withdraw and become intolerant and impatient. One has to fight those feelings of loneliness and vulnerability. One has to remember that in general what you give out you get back. In learning to be tolerant and patient, you give out good vibes which attract good things into your life, including good relationships. If you would like to attract your soul mate, and keep your soul mate, make sure the vibes you put out are the ones which you would like to be given back to you in that relationship.
Good relationships not only set the scene to make you a better person, the positive feelings which are created permeate throughout the world around you, promoting peace and harmony; a sense of caring and being cared for, being thoughtful towards others and receiving thoughtfulness in return.
Hypnosis downloads can be very effective in helping a person to feel relaxed and comfortable, confident and therefore more tolerant; they can help you to create good relationships and to attract your soul mate into your life.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads to help create good relationships.
P.S. Why not grab a free hypnosis download from my website and discover how easy it is relax and feel good about yourself?
GET YOUR LOVABLE BACK
One good thing you can do to reflect is to go out and meet with your family and friends. Make up for those people whom you unintentionally set aside when you were still in a relationship. Share your thoughts and feelings with them. Tell them about your plans of winning your ex back. Just share it with them. You don't always have to justify your thoughts neither would you have to ask them for advice. Just express your thoughts. Things may seem different when they are only a concept in your head. They may give you a new meaning once you hear yourself speaking about them.
Do you still look like a mess as if the break-up just happened last night? Have you stopped drinking and locking yourself up in your room? If your ex sees you right now, do you think you would make a lovely sight or are you a disaster? Try to remember how your ex first fell in love with you. Do you still look as good? If no, do something about it! After looking at yourself, look into yourself. Are you the same person your ex enjoyed being with during the earlier part of the relationship? If not, what could have happened along the way?
When you are already sitting face to face with him, ask him how he's been. Tell him the reason why you wanted to talk. Be honest. Express your feelings clearly. Try not to sound pitiful neither demanding. Tell him that you simply want to tell him how you feel and that you will respect whatever he thinks about it. Once he sees that you genuinely wants him back and that you are willing to work harder to make your relationship last, he surely would not think twice in giving you another chance.
Do not try calling her over and over to get her back, it does not work. Men do not understand that women fall back in love with men that they miss. When she realizes your not there, in her life anymore, she will want you back. If you still love your ex girlfriend, tell yourself not to talk to her at this time. If you have to get help from friends to help you not to talk to her, then do it. In most cases the woman will call you in a couple weeks, wanting to know what you are up to. When this happens, you are well on the way to getting back together.
If you can react this way, you will be pulling the power in the relationship back to yourself. She is not expecting you to agree with her about the breakup, this will cause her to feel you where about to breakup with her. This will start to eat at her and make her wonder what she did wrong. Do not be surprised if she gets emotional on you and wants to know what she did wrong. Just tell her you think a break would be good for both of you. Don't get too close to other girls. It's okay to socialize with girls. It will indicate to her that you've moved on but at the same time if you are in a relationship with a girl, she'll snub you out of contention even if she wants you.
Your ex might continue to hang out with this same group as you. You could even bump into each other when you both seek comfort with your mutual acquaintances. This doesn't mean, when you're moving on, that you must lose your good friends. But it will be difficult to maintain some friendships after you and your ex have split.
Do you still look like a mess as if the break-up just happened last night? Have you stopped drinking and locking yourself up in your room? If your ex sees you right now, do you think you would make a lovely sight or are you a disaster? Try to remember how your ex first fell in love with you. Do you still look as good? If no, do something about it! After looking at yourself, look into yourself. Are you the same person your ex enjoyed being with during the earlier part of the relationship? If not, what could have happened along the way?
When you are already sitting face to face with him, ask him how he's been. Tell him the reason why you wanted to talk. Be honest. Express your feelings clearly. Try not to sound pitiful neither demanding. Tell him that you simply want to tell him how you feel and that you will respect whatever he thinks about it. Once he sees that you genuinely wants him back and that you are willing to work harder to make your relationship last, he surely would not think twice in giving you another chance.
Do not try calling her over and over to get her back, it does not work. Men do not understand that women fall back in love with men that they miss. When she realizes your not there, in her life anymore, she will want you back. If you still love your ex girlfriend, tell yourself not to talk to her at this time. If you have to get help from friends to help you not to talk to her, then do it. In most cases the woman will call you in a couple weeks, wanting to know what you are up to. When this happens, you are well on the way to getting back together.
If you can react this way, you will be pulling the power in the relationship back to yourself. She is not expecting you to agree with her about the breakup, this will cause her to feel you where about to breakup with her. This will start to eat at her and make her wonder what she did wrong. Do not be surprised if she gets emotional on you and wants to know what she did wrong. Just tell her you think a break would be good for both of you. Don't get too close to other girls. It's okay to socialize with girls. It will indicate to her that you've moved on but at the same time if you are in a relationship with a girl, she'll snub you out of contention even if she wants you.
Your ex might continue to hang out with this same group as you. You could even bump into each other when you both seek comfort with your mutual acquaintances. This doesn't mean, when you're moving on, that you must lose your good friends. But it will be difficult to maintain some friendships after you and your ex have split.
PLANNING A WEDDING FROM YOUR COMPUTER
You have been dreaming of this day your entire life! For some it is a dream of bliss and happiness where everything is white and floral. For the majority of us, however, weddings are the most stressful experience we will go through.
Being one of the most important events of your life you want to make it special. Everything has to be just right and most importantly you have to enjoy it all. This last point should also apply to planning your special day. There is no point in spending weeks being stressed and upset leading up to your big day. It will only take away the magic of the event for you.
What Are Your Options
There are a few options available to you. Weddings are one of the biggest markets in the world and there are numerous companies who will offer to plan your whole day for you (For a cost, of course).
You could always try and do everything yourself and go from shop to shop for each item. This can take lot of time and not many of us have spare few weeks to spend discussing options with florists and bakers. Not to mention tracking down The Perfect Wedding Outfit!
What Are E-Weddings?
The internet has made everyone's life easier. It is much quicker to shop; you have access to hundreds of online 'shop windows' and shopping sprees that used to take hours earlier now take minutes. You can buy everything for your wedding from shopping online and save a lot more than time! It is often cheaper shopping online, and there are some great bargains to be had if you know where to look.
Stuck For Ideas?
It happens to everyone. There are so many weddings every year that you are in fix over how to make yours special? A sure way to drive yourself insane is to sit with a pen and paper and try to plan your whole day out. You need help, inspiration, and guidance. Luckily, there are websites set up with people in your situation in mind.
Log on to get ideas on the best wedding favors. Learn how to impress your guests with a choreographed dance routine, and much more. You can even get advice on how to plan your day on a budget. Let's face it; it is all too easy to get carried away.
Bidding And Auction Sites
It has been a while since all you could buy on bidding sites such as eBay, were second items. Many companies display their wares on sites such as these and there are even entire sites dedicated to handmade items. Searching through these sites for items perfect for weddings can be difficult, that is why there are wedding sites that simply display the best items from a range of internet sites. This way you get to browse the best of the best on one website saving a lot of valuable time.
Being one of the most important events of your life you want to make it special. Everything has to be just right and most importantly you have to enjoy it all. This last point should also apply to planning your special day. There is no point in spending weeks being stressed and upset leading up to your big day. It will only take away the magic of the event for you.
What Are Your Options
There are a few options available to you. Weddings are one of the biggest markets in the world and there are numerous companies who will offer to plan your whole day for you (For a cost, of course).
You could always try and do everything yourself and go from shop to shop for each item. This can take lot of time and not many of us have spare few weeks to spend discussing options with florists and bakers. Not to mention tracking down The Perfect Wedding Outfit!
What Are E-Weddings?
The internet has made everyone's life easier. It is much quicker to shop; you have access to hundreds of online 'shop windows' and shopping sprees that used to take hours earlier now take minutes. You can buy everything for your wedding from shopping online and save a lot more than time! It is often cheaper shopping online, and there are some great bargains to be had if you know where to look.
Stuck For Ideas?
It happens to everyone. There are so many weddings every year that you are in fix over how to make yours special? A sure way to drive yourself insane is to sit with a pen and paper and try to plan your whole day out. You need help, inspiration, and guidance. Luckily, there are websites set up with people in your situation in mind.
Log on to get ideas on the best wedding favors. Learn how to impress your guests with a choreographed dance routine, and much more. You can even get advice on how to plan your day on a budget. Let's face it; it is all too easy to get carried away.
Bidding And Auction Sites
It has been a while since all you could buy on bidding sites such as eBay, were second items. Many companies display their wares on sites such as these and there are even entire sites dedicated to handmade items. Searching through these sites for items perfect for weddings can be difficult, that is why there are wedding sites that simply display the best items from a range of internet sites. This way you get to browse the best of the best on one website saving a lot of valuable time.
HOW TO STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM OR HER
Dreams can be extremely enlightening, so long as you attend to the emotional messages which they convey. A friend was recounting a dream the other day which told a familiar tale; she dreamed that she had bumped into her boyfriend who she had recently split up from, and he looked like a tanned and muscular God.
You know what it's like when you have just broken up with someone and it wasn't your choice. You just can't stop yourself from thinking about them, running through in your mind all of those good times when they were so sweet or looked so cute...you try to distract yourself and keep busy all of the time, but find yourself talking about that person at every opportunity. And then you go to bed and toss and turn, seeing their face clearly in the darkness of your room, eventually falling asleep only to find them sneaking into your dreams as well.
At a later date you look back and wonder how you could have felt so bad, but at the time your emotions make you feel ship-wrecked. If you haven't already seen the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" then I can highly recommend it. You'll see the whole cycle of emotions in the raw, and with a good dose of humour. It feels good to see someone come out of this tunnel of despair and become a stronger person because of it.
There are few people who have not experienced these emotions and we all would have liked to fast-forward through this process. If only you could have that person's face, voice and smell surgically removed from your brain, you'd happily pay to have the job done. You just want to bin that person from your mind.
You can in fact do just this, so long as you know how your mind works. The dream which I mentioned before provides great insight into the mysteries of the human mind and therefore teaches us how to guide our minds in a different direction. In the dream this person was depicted as tanned, tall and muscled; in reality he was lily white and average in most ways. He was seen symbolically enhanced so that he was a magnificent creature, placed upon a pedestal high above the rest of humanity. This of course visually and symbolically expressed the emotions of missing him and thinking that no one else could be as good. He was irreplacable.
When you dream your mind is resolving conflicting emotions; this is the job which dreaming does. It shows us how our minds work, and how visual images can be used to express and enhance emotions. Conversely it also teaches us how you can use a similar process to minimize emotions. This is the flip side of the coin.
If you want to stop thinking about that person and place their memory in the bin, it is a simple process to visualize them in a different way. Instead of making them big and tanned, or cute and beautiful, what's stopping you from shrinking them down in size or turning them into a toad? You could perhaps imagine them in a big balloon with their features all squashed up inside and you able to bat that balloon up into the air and off on the breeze. Another image which works fantastically well is to just crumple them up in your mind like a piece of trash and throw it into the bin.
Your imagination is limitless. There are endless ways in which you can fade out these images of that person who you just want to bin. Once you find an image which appeals, you will be amazed how quickly and easily you can change your emotions and get over that broken relationship.
Hypnosis is extremely powerful in this process. First, it relaxes you and calms you down. Your emotional feathers will be smoothed and your wounds licked. Second, hypnosis provides access to your subconscious mind which is the part that acts automatically. This allows you to more easily change deep rooted behaviors and emotions. Third, you will find that your imagination is enhanced and you more easily create strong and powerful visual images, equally powerful as those which you are aware of when you dream.
You can get a free hypnosis mp3 from my website and try it for yourself.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads to help you to move on after a broken relationship.
You know what it's like when you have just broken up with someone and it wasn't your choice. You just can't stop yourself from thinking about them, running through in your mind all of those good times when they were so sweet or looked so cute...you try to distract yourself and keep busy all of the time, but find yourself talking about that person at every opportunity. And then you go to bed and toss and turn, seeing their face clearly in the darkness of your room, eventually falling asleep only to find them sneaking into your dreams as well.
At a later date you look back and wonder how you could have felt so bad, but at the time your emotions make you feel ship-wrecked. If you haven't already seen the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" then I can highly recommend it. You'll see the whole cycle of emotions in the raw, and with a good dose of humour. It feels good to see someone come out of this tunnel of despair and become a stronger person because of it.
There are few people who have not experienced these emotions and we all would have liked to fast-forward through this process. If only you could have that person's face, voice and smell surgically removed from your brain, you'd happily pay to have the job done. You just want to bin that person from your mind.
You can in fact do just this, so long as you know how your mind works. The dream which I mentioned before provides great insight into the mysteries of the human mind and therefore teaches us how to guide our minds in a different direction. In the dream this person was depicted as tanned, tall and muscled; in reality he was lily white and average in most ways. He was seen symbolically enhanced so that he was a magnificent creature, placed upon a pedestal high above the rest of humanity. This of course visually and symbolically expressed the emotions of missing him and thinking that no one else could be as good. He was irreplacable.
When you dream your mind is resolving conflicting emotions; this is the job which dreaming does. It shows us how our minds work, and how visual images can be used to express and enhance emotions. Conversely it also teaches us how you can use a similar process to minimize emotions. This is the flip side of the coin.
If you want to stop thinking about that person and place their memory in the bin, it is a simple process to visualize them in a different way. Instead of making them big and tanned, or cute and beautiful, what's stopping you from shrinking them down in size or turning them into a toad? You could perhaps imagine them in a big balloon with their features all squashed up inside and you able to bat that balloon up into the air and off on the breeze. Another image which works fantastically well is to just crumple them up in your mind like a piece of trash and throw it into the bin.
Your imagination is limitless. There are endless ways in which you can fade out these images of that person who you just want to bin. Once you find an image which appeals, you will be amazed how quickly and easily you can change your emotions and get over that broken relationship.
Hypnosis is extremely powerful in this process. First, it relaxes you and calms you down. Your emotional feathers will be smoothed and your wounds licked. Second, hypnosis provides access to your subconscious mind which is the part that acts automatically. This allows you to more easily change deep rooted behaviors and emotions. Third, you will find that your imagination is enhanced and you more easily create strong and powerful visual images, equally powerful as those which you are aware of when you dream.
You can get a free hypnosis mp3 from my website and try it for yourself.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads to help you to move on after a broken relationship.
OVERCOMING LOW ESTEEM BY BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS
If you are a victim of low esteem then you must read this article. Your life is usually defined by the choices you make as an individual which are in turn determined by a variety of factors one being your personality.
While individual personalities and opinions differ a lot, one requisite characteristic for all is the courage to make the hard choices of life. It is said that success comes to those who have the guts to go the hard way in search for glory.
Success is a product of a dream; a vision which means a plan, having goals. Each individual must always ensure that their goals are well defined and achievable. They should develop self check mechanisms to ensure that they remain on course to achieve their goals and to detect any deviations thus overcome low esteem. It is natural that whenever you walk in purpose, your self-esteem is established.
Your self-esteem determines your attitude and your relationship with your friends. For a healthy relationship with them and overcoming low esteem, be self-confident and be ambitious in life. Share your aspirations with them and this way you will have a greater desire to succeed in life, as you will feel challenged. Your choice of friends will also determine your confidence as some will be discouragers while others are motivators.
Make friends with go-getters, those who will revolutionize your thinking and challenge you .You must also note that those friends whom you like a lot or you seem to share so much fun together may not necessarily be the best for you. You may be spending a good time with them, but their lack of motivation will be an indirect discouragement and this might lead to low esteem.
It is thus vital to realize that, high self-esteem is fundamental to a healthy, respectful and lasting relationship with one another.
For you to relate with others well and be ready to share your opinions you need to have a high self esteem.
Read more insightful tips of overcoming low esteem by following the links below.
While individual personalities and opinions differ a lot, one requisite characteristic for all is the courage to make the hard choices of life. It is said that success comes to those who have the guts to go the hard way in search for glory.
Success is a product of a dream; a vision which means a plan, having goals. Each individual must always ensure that their goals are well defined and achievable. They should develop self check mechanisms to ensure that they remain on course to achieve their goals and to detect any deviations thus overcome low esteem. It is natural that whenever you walk in purpose, your self-esteem is established.
Your self-esteem determines your attitude and your relationship with your friends. For a healthy relationship with them and overcoming low esteem, be self-confident and be ambitious in life. Share your aspirations with them and this way you will have a greater desire to succeed in life, as you will feel challenged. Your choice of friends will also determine your confidence as some will be discouragers while others are motivators.
Make friends with go-getters, those who will revolutionize your thinking and challenge you .You must also note that those friends whom you like a lot or you seem to share so much fun together may not necessarily be the best for you. You may be spending a good time with them, but their lack of motivation will be an indirect discouragement and this might lead to low esteem.
It is thus vital to realize that, high self-esteem is fundamental to a healthy, respectful and lasting relationship with one another.
For you to relate with others well and be ready to share your opinions you need to have a high self esteem.
Read more insightful tips of overcoming low esteem by following the links below.
WHY DO WE FEAR LOVE?
Why do we fear close relationships? Although we want to love and be loved, we also fear both. Our past experiences have programmed us to associate loving and being loved with unpleasant experiences and especially with feelings of vulnerability. For these and other reasons, we have developed fears and subconscious resistance concerning getting very close to another, opening our hearts and exposing our needs, fears and feelings. These fears are a major obstacle toward creating harmonious love relationships, especially with a romantic love partner. Obviously, if we are affected by such fears, we will develop various defense mechanisms and even behaviors that will sabotage the relationships we are supposedly seeking to create or improve. When we are defensive, we are unpleasant and unloving. A lack of love attracts the same. Openness and love attracts love. What are some of those fears? 1. We feel vulnerable and are afraid of being hurt if we are open and loving and thus prefer to keep an emotional distance. In such a case we need to remember that love never creates our pain. Attachment, expectation and needing the other are the cause of our pain. When we love purely without becoming dependent on the other, there can be no pain. There is a difference between codependency and love, which we will discuss in a later chapter. . 2. We do not want to give others the idea that they can do whatever they like with us. Our fear of being controlled causes us to be unnecessarily defensive and unwilling to give and serve the other when appropriate. Being able to say "no" and lovingly and respectfully establishing healthy and fair boundaries is an essential part of a truthful loving relationship. Getting free from the fear of being controlled and learning to willing and lovingly give to the other what he or she needs is also important. 3. We would like them first to ask for forgiveness or at least realize their mistakes. Placing prerequisites on our forgiveness is not actually forgiveness. We are the ones who are suffering from our negative feelings associated with not being able to forgive and love. We are the ones who benefit by forgiving and loving. By not forgiving and loving, we are punishing ourselves, not the others. By not forgiving and loving, we are missing an opportunity to learn and grow emotionally and spiritually. 4. We fear we will lose control over them by letting them be too relaxed with us. Controlling others with negative emotions and a lack of love is more harmful to us that to others. We need to choose between control games and love. Do we want to play these control games or risk losing control and experience pure love? This is our choice. 5. We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with ourselves or our lives on someone else who is "responsible". We also need to choose between hiding behind the illusion that someone else can be held responsible for our reality, including being held to blame when things go wrong, and moving forward and taking responsibility for our past and present reality. Making a choice here to move forward and take responsibility for our own reality secures us the power to create the reality we prefer. Blaming others for what we are not satisfied with will never improve our reality. We simply condemn ourselves to stagnation, loneliness and unhappiness. 6. We falsely believe that love requires that we must let this person do whatever he or she wants - regardless of ethics or justice - and that this would be totally unacceptable. We have already explained that this is a mistaken perception of love and forgiveness. We not only have the right but also the obligation to expect, request and at times even demand that the other interacts ethically and justly with us. This can be done with love and respect towards the other and ourselves. 7. We have identified with the role of the victim and need to feel hurt and abused. Many seek to find their self-worth in the role of the victim or abused. The reasoning is like this. "I am the victim which means that the other is bad and I am good and thus worthy. As long as I am the victim, I am worthy." We also have the mistaken idea that we are right when we are angry. Thus we find reasons to feel hurt and angry and then we feel worthy and right. The role of the angry victim get a "double dose". 8. We are in the role of the interrogator and need to find others' faults. Control games never bring lasting happiness. Love does. Do we want to find fault in the others or create loving relationships? Do we want to be right or be loved? 9. We are afraid of expressing love, because we fear that there will not be an adequate response from others and we will feel rejected. This is a chance we might need to take. When we express love and interest, we might receive the response we need or we might not. This does not make us less worthy. Our self-worth is based on our being and not on how others respond or not. It is much more important to love than be loved. We can always love - that is in our control. We cannot always be loved. 10. We cannot believe that others could possibly love us. We are in fact very beautiful and lovable just as we are. We are the divine expressing itself in the material world. 11. We have been seriously hurt by this person or others and cannot overcome this bitterness. This is our test - to be able to forgive and love those who have harmed us. It is easy to love those who give us what we want. Even animals love those who feed them and care for them. Spiritual growth is a process in which we become secure enough within ourselves and our faith in the wisdom and justice of the universe, to be able to love even those who have harmed us. 12. We are afraid we might be abused. We can be abused only if we allow others to do so or only if the laws of the universe are not working or non-existent. Otherwise only what is beneficial for our evolutionary process can occur. 13. We are afraid of being used, suppressed, limited, trapped or of not being able to be ourselves. Love can never be used or limited. It is always free. We usually allow ourselves to be used or suppressed when we want or need something from the other. Our attachment and fear cause us to bargain our freedom in order to receive approval, security or pleasure from others. When we are interacting with love without attachment, we do whatever the other asks, when we can do so with love and joy and we lovingly explain why we cannot or choose not to comply when that is the case. We are free to lovingly give and also to lovingly choose not to give. When we love purely without attachment, we can be totally and honestly "ourselves". 14. We fear we might fail in the relationship If this is the case, we have the choice to risk failing in a relationship or create a lonely life without love because we fear the possibility of failure. Another question is what is failure? Even if the relationship does not last for ever, does that mean failure? Have we not learned something and gained something? Perhaps there is no such thing as failure. 15. We fear allowing the others to become too familiar because they will lose interest. This is an interesting belief that might say more about how we function rather than how the others do. Perhaps we ourselves lose interest in others when they do not pose a challenge anymore, when they can be taken for granted. Love can never tire of loving. Games can become boring. If relationships are games through which we verify our power, interest, attractiveness, or self-worth through the roles we play, then we and others can loose interest. When we experience true love, all of these games dissolve. 16. We fear that we will become weak. Unfortunately some of us have been programmed to believe that love is a form of weakness and not for the strong and independent. Perhaps that accurately describes the images of love with which we have grown up. Unconditional love is the opposite. It is based on inner strength and personal freedom. We choose to love others because we love them, not because we need them. This requires the highest inner sense of self-worth and security. 17. We fear rejection or abandonment. To be rejected or abandoned by another is always a possibility. We can have no guarantee that others will always be with us. They may leave me and they might die. They may choose to love someone else more than us. These experiences do not occur unless they are exactly what we need for our evolutionary process and if they are, then they cannot be avoided. When we fear the above, we might fall into the following traps: a. Testing the others with negative behaviors to see how steady their love is. Often we push them away and our beliefs become a reality that we ourselves have created. b. We leave the relationships first, so as to not experience rejection or abandonment and "save face". c. We do not allow ourselves to be totally committed and open - supposedly protecting ourselves emotionally - but in reality creating a dead unloving relationship. 18. We fear the responsibilities of a relationship. This is a choice we can make. We have every right to live alone and not enter into personal love relationships that are naturally accompanied by certain commitments and responsibilities. Some souls have chosen to evolve alone in this way. It is a valid life style. The question is whether we are choosing it because we are being guided by our soul to do so, or because we fear the responsibilities of a relationship. If it is the second reason, then we will be stagnant in our growth process as we fear to enter into exactly the situations required for our learning process. 19. We fear creating the same relationships our parents (or others) had, when we were young. Our challenge is to learn from those negative prototypes and take that energy and transform it within ourselves by becoming free from their effect on us. We have gained wisdom from those experiences and can now create a new type of relationship free from the negative qualities of our prototypes. 20. We fear the unknown Evolution by necessity means going where we have not yet been. It cannot be otherwise - or else it would not be evolution. This is true of all aspects of our lives. Freedom for our limited perceptions and life creation requires that we overcome the fear of the unknown and have faith in the benevolent laws and powers of the universe and in our own ability to deal with whatever might occur. (From the forthcoming book LOVE IS A CHOICE, by Robert Elias Najemy) About the author: Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lectures on Human Harmony. Download wonderful ebooks, 100's of free articles, courses, and mp3 audio lectures at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. Find 8 of his books at http://www.Amazon.com.
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