The Reality of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries. Authors across the ages have explored this theme at length, and it still surfaces in literary works today. What's the appeal? Is it the fascination with the lack of lust and desire we cultivate in North American society? We strive on the element of danger, of the forbidden, while an arranged marriage is usually a safe way to ensure a family's approval of a union.
And yet, many of today's romance novels deal with marriages of convenience. We've all read them: the heroine marries the hero because she needs him, whether for financial reasons, or because her children need a father -- there are as many reasons to marry as there are novels dealing with this subject. Yet although the marriage isn't initially based on love, there's always that sensual tension simmering beneath the surface, and as readers, we know it's inevitable that the two are going to fall deeply and irrevocably in love.
But what about real life, where things don't always work out so well? Arranged marriages are commonplace in a number of countries, such as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan and India. They're more common than you'd think even in North America, where cultural diversity is cherished and encouraged.
Young people in countries where arranged marriages are commonplace are told from an early age that their spouse will be chosen for them. To deny an arranged marriage is seen as a sign of disrespect toward the family. But how are suitable spouses chosen? In Japan, for instance, "when a woman reaches the marriageable age of 25, she and her parents compile a packet of information about her, including a photograph of her in a kimono and descriptions of her family background, education, hobbies, accomplishments and interests. Her parents then inquire among their friends and acquaintances to see if anyone knows a man who would be a suitable husband for her" (the Asia Society's Video Letter from Japan: My Family, 1988). Usually, the most important aspect of choosing a suitable spouse is the bond between the two families, rather than the relationship between the couple being married. Property or land with the aim of securing social status sometimes seals marriage agreements.
Do arranged marriages work? Opinions tend to differ. Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love are the rule. However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option.
Can love grow out of an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But there's more to love than finding a suitable match. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. It's impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.

Lacey Savage is the author of a number of sensual romance short stories, novels and novellas. Her articles and works of fiction often focus on women's issues and relationships. Find out more about Lacey at [http://www.laceysavage.com]

Love, Marriage and Kids - How to Make it Work

Let's be honest. The relationship we have with our spouse is different than before we had children. Our time and energy is split, we have more responsibilities, and being intimate can sometimes feel like just another chore on the "To do list".
Although it is true that our relationship is different, this doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to make it better; to work on our intimacy and make time to enjoy each other's company, like we used to... without the kids.
The relationship between parents is the number one relationship that determines how children will experience their own relationships in the future, with co-workers, friends and spouses. Children look to their parents to see how people communicate with each other, how they show and accept love and how they resolve problems. For this reason, marriage must be made a priority. We must nurture it and learn ways to improve it.
How do we do this?
There are a few areas to look at:
How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel like you are healthy and in relatively good shape? Do you dress as you used to or are you feeling a bit frumpy lately?
Taking care of ourselves is often the most effective way to give us energy, make us feel sexy again and feel like we want to work on our marriage.
Do you schedule in regular date nights with your spouse, either inside or outside the home? Enjoying each other's company is so important. Remember what you loved doing together and schedule it! Book the restaurant, find the hiking trail, play scrabble, cook a meal together, go for coffee and a dessert or just go for a walk and talk. Whatever it is be sure to schedule at least one date night per month.
Communication. Nothing breeds anger and resentment more than silence. It's very important to constantly talk; talk about parenting issues, household issues, feelings, etc. An extremely useful resource is the book called, "The Five Love Languages" This is the best book my husband and I have found to help us figure out how each of us likes to be loved. It is, in my opinion, a must read for all couples.
Although life is busier with children, we must always remember that parents are the core of a family. Nurture your relationship well and give it the attention and focus it deserves. You and your children will be happier if you do.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/4160047

Arranged Marriages of India

India is a multi-cultural country with various religions and communities, all living together in harmony, following their own customs and beliefs. These customs vary from region to region. But the tradition of arranged marriages is prevalent in India among all religions.
The parents or other elders take the responsibility of finding a suitable partner for their daughter or son. Earlier days, it was done with the help of a mediator, who would have the details and photographs of the eligible boys and girls in the neighborhood. Those days the boys and girls were not even given the opportunity to choose their life partner. The parents decide what they think is best for the children and they obey, and still they lived happily and were devoted to each other.
But now things are very different. Over the years, the parents took the help of newspaper in place of a mediator, for seeking a prospective bride or groom for their child. Though the marriages are often arranged by the parents the children have their say in choosing their life partner. If they don't like the selected girl or boy, most of the parents do not go forward with the proposal, and wait until they find a suitable one.
With the advent of information technology, choosing one's life partner has become very easy and convenient. Many online matrimonial sites are available who helps them to find their soul mate. Shaadi.com, jeevansathi.com, bharatmatrimony.com, m4marry.com etc are to name a few. The parents can register and show case their eligible daughter's or son's details, along with their photograph, so that they can find the best match for their offspring, from any part of the world. The details for registration include horoscope, education, employment, family background and compatibility, and the type of girl or boy they are expecting etc.
Among Hindus, horoscope matching is another integral part of an arranged marriage. Indians believe that Astrology matches the compatibility between the couples for a happy and long life. The date of birth, star, time of birth, and place of birth are mainly taken into account in analyzing horoscope match making. Most of the parents still believe in horoscope matching and try to find a groom or bride, with matching horoscope for their child. Many of these online sites also help them by offering the facility for horoscope matching.
Today more marriages are arranged by the parents, taking their children's interest into consideration, and with their approval. It can be the other way also. The children find their partners keeping their parents interest in mind, which usually get their parents concern and support, for their marriage.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2053676

My Husband Makes No Attempt To Understand My Feelings

The vast majority of people that I hear from do not feel understood or heard by their spouse. I find that many folks do not comprehend just how serious of a problem this might be. Sure, no one is perfect at communicating or at reading someone else's clues. And sure, all marriages can withstand a few misunderstandings. But if you go through your life, and through your marriage, for any significant period of time feeling constantly misunderstood, this can't help but have a huge impact on your marriage and how you feel about it. This can be true even if your spouse is sincerely trying to understand, but just can't. But it's even more true if your spouse appears to be making no effort whatsoever to try to understood you. It can make you question if he thinks that you are not important enough or not even worth the effort.
For example, I wife might think: "why doesn't my husband even make the slightest effort to understand me anymore? When we were dating, it was like he was fascinated at what made me tick and what contributed to my happiness. But today, he acts as if I am overly complicated rather than unique and fascinating. I am trying to make some positive changes in my life. And my husband is totally resistant to this because all he can see if that the changes might be putting him out or inconveniencing him some. But what he doesn't seem to get, or remotely care about, is that the changes are important to me. He doesn't understand that I need to tweak some things in my life in order to be authentically happy. But he doesn't take the time to try to analyze my thinking or ask himself what I need in my life. He acts as if I'm only trying to inconvenience him instead. So I've tried to explain myself, but I'll find myself passionately talking about something and I will look over, only to find that my husband is giving me a blank stare. His eyes are sort of glazed over and he is almost slumped down, as if even listening to me is a heavy task for him. It's so discouraging. It makes me think that he doesn't care about me at all. Am I wrong in thinking this? Why else would a husband not even make the slightest effort to understand his wife?"
You're right to be concerned. When you start to see this type of apathy and indifference toward you (or toward what is important to you) it can be sort of warning sign. Not always, of course. But sometimes, it is. That's why you can't ever be too careful. I can think of a few reasons that you might be seeing this behavior. I'll list some of it below. And I'll start with the most benign and then work my way up down to the most troublesome.
You've Caught Him At A Bad Time Or On An Occasion Where He's Preoccupied With His Own Issues: Sometimes, we just catch our spouse's at an inopportune time. We all have times in our lives where it's just not feasible to give someone our undivided attention. How do you know if this is the case? Well, you can ask yourself if this is an isolated incident or if you've noticed him tuning you out or not treating you with importance more than this one time lately.
He Doesn't Really Understand Your Thought Process, So He's Just Trying To Appear As Attentive As He Can: This one is actually pretty common, especially when we are talking about emotions that are not as natural to men. When we start to discuss deep or emotional thinking, men do tend to tune out a bit, because this is just not how their own brains work. They can't relate and so they might be staring at you (or looking at you when you're having a conversation,) but their wheels aren't necessarily turning. It's the same with me when my spouse tries to discuss sports. I try. I really do. I even enjoy some sports. But I don't have the depth of understanding that my husband does, so I try to nod in the right places, but I'm sure my face looks kind of blank. The thing is, I don't think my husband cares too deeply because, although he love sports, they aren't vitally important to him - in the way that your authenticity is to you. And, the more important something is to you, the more you want your spouse to "hear" you and to "understand" you. So this was a topic that was already charged for you, but your husband may not have realized it at the time.
He May Be Acting Indifferent To You Because He Is Starting To Lose Connectedness To And Empathy Toward You, Which Is A Warning Sign: OK, I'm only mentioning this because I wish someone had given me the "heads-up" when I was going through something similar. If they had, perhaps I would not have ended up separated. By no means am I saying or suggesting that this is the case with you. I can't possibly know that. I'm just saying that it's never a bad idea to take an honest look at your marriage and evaluate this. Because when couples are deeply connected, they at least try to make an effort to understand one another, especially about things that matter in the way that this matters to you. Granted, I glaze over when my husband talks about sports sometimes. But if his voice talks about something that I know to be quite important to him, I sit up and take notice.

It wasn't always this way, though.  When our marriage was struggling, we were both guilty of not trying hard enough to empathize, to hear, and to understand.  And this is the natural by-product of a marriage that has lost connectedness and empathy. We had lost so much of this that we eventually separated.  I did get him back, but it was a painful process that I would have preferred to avoid.  And it took me way too long to stumble onto a strategy that actually worked. You can read more on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com   But you certainly want to avoid my mistakes if you can.

Dealing With A Difficult Husband Who No Longer Loves You

Living with a difficult husband who wants out of the marriage is like living in hell. The eggshells you have to walk on and the tension is so thick it keeps you confined like you are in a box. I know it's difficult and yet for some reason you are still together.
Your marriage was not meant to be this way. Unfortunately it's more common now than ever before. Sometimes the more you try to deal with a difficult husband the more difficult he becomes.
You try to be nice and he takes advantage of your niceness. You act irritated and angry and he is twice as mean and spiteful. Something has to give or your marriage will get more difficult, if that's possible.
It's normal for couples to drift apart. What's not normal is how they drift apart. I don't like it when couples divorce. I'm the product of divorced parents and all I can say is I think it's much better to grow up with both parents involved in your life.
If your husband is being difficult and he has said he no longer loves you that might be true or it could be him trying to put space between you. Either way I know your heart is broken. I hope today is the day that your relationship begins to get better. Yes, all it takes is one word or action to change your husband's heart and mind towards you and your marriage. Until that happens, please don't give up.
One thing I would recommend when dealing with your husband is to do the unexpected and do what seems unnatural. For example;

1. If you normally make negative or sarcastic comments to him refrain from doing so. If you don't have anything nice or positive to say don't say anything at all.
2. Perhaps you have continued to cater to his every wish, despite how he has treated you. Try letting him do for his self on occasion so he sees how it is fending for himself. Just the little things that you go out of your way for him.
3. Spend some quality time doing some fun things without him and be joyous. Your husband shouldn't be the giver and taker of your joy. Your life involves your husband but shouldn't revolve around your husband.

You might feel as though your marriage is over and so might your husband. Only time will tell. However, while you are still together you need to give it your all to make it work. Regardless of how bad your marriage problems are you can overcome them.
Marriage infidelity is difficult but can be overcome by love and forgiveness. Absenteeism is just an opportunity to get re-acquainted to forgive the past and move forward loving and caring for each other.
The key to dealing with a difficult husband and marital situation is to say and do the right things, at the right time in the right manner. Your words do matter. Your actions, interactions and re-actions can determine what ultimately happens in your marriage.
Aren't you tired of fighting over meaningless non-sense? What you are fighting about or feeling angry or tense about most likely is not the real culprit. Until you figure out what the root cause of your marital issues are you will struggle to overcome them.
For example, are you angry about your husband working too many hours or is it that you don't see the fruits of his extra labor? Perhaps it's not his hours but what you suspect that he is doing? Do you think your husband is cheating on you?
You see, if you are not being honest with each other, how will you ever solve the problem?
I'm convinced with a little help you can turn your marriage around. I hope with all of my heart that your pain is a little less each day and is replaced by joy. You might just find out that your marriage is not destined for an ugly divorce. If that happens you and I will be rejoicing.

Dealing with a difficult husband who no longer loves you is hard and I don't pretend otherwise. However, despite how it seems he does have a heart. It just needs a jump start to get it beating for you again. If you would like more tips on getting your marriage back on track, please see here; Help In Marriage

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9590346

How to Heal From a Husband's Betrayal

The list of the negative fall out from an affair is long.  In addition to the hurt, shock, and lessening of self esteem, the feeling of being betrayed by the person who you should be able to trust most in the world can be the hardest blow.  Working through an affair usually encompasses many difficult steps, but healing from a husband's betrayal is often the most difficult.  Notice I said difficult. I did not say impossible.  In no way am I defending your husband or attempting to diminish the betrayal, but I can tell you with a great degree of certainty that I've seen countless women who have healed.  And, I've seen countless marriages not only survive and rebound, but also emerge stronger. So, I know that it can be done.  But, I'll be honest.  It takes a lot of hard work, faith, and a willingness on both parties to step outside of their comfort zone to do what needs to be done.  I'll tell you how to start in the following article.
Your Healing Can't Begin Until You've Expressed And Released Your Feelings (And Then Felt Heard):  When women tell me that they're stuck or can't seem to move on, I always first take a look at what they're holding in.  Repressed feelings will almost always hold you back. And, many women don't allow themselves to admit their true feelings even to themselves.  Anger, hurt, and betrayal are not pleasant emotions to experience.  So, it's perfectly natural to want to close them off, diminish your contact with these feelings, and move on as quickly as you can.
The problem with this though is that if you don't admit, verbalize, release, and then move through these feelings, they are always going to continue to turn up.  You can't begin to feel better until you deal with them.  They will come out and reveal themselves through negative feelings like self doubt, resentment, anger, and an unwillingness to move forward.
So, not matter how difficult it may feel, you need to admit to yourself and to your husband exactly what you are feeling even if it feels ugly and very unpleasant.  You are entitled to these feelings and they are perfectly normal.  Now, that doesn't mean that you have to repeatedly spew punishing rants over and over again.  Not at all.  But, you do need to be honest.  You do need to let him know just how much this has hurt, just how much you are struggling, and just what you need to move forward.
And, once this is done, you need to know that he has heard you, has understood, and has taken the words to heart so that he isn't tempted to repeat this behavior ever again.
You Must Know That It Wasn't Your Fault:  Another thing that really keeps women from healing is that somewhere deep down, they suspect that the affair was in some way their fault.  They think things like "well, I should've paid attention to the signs that were right in front of me," or "I should've given him more attention," or "how was I so stupid?"  These feelings are also natural, but they in no way help you.  When you feel this negative self talk starting, it's important to stop yourself and reroute where you are going.
In truth, affairs have more to do with your husband's shortcomings than yours.  Men have affairs to feel better about themselves.  It is a way to soothe their self esteem, make them feel young, vibrant and interesting again, and an attempt to fix what is broken with them - not with you or with your marriage.  Statistically speaking, men admit to greatly regretting their affair over 90 percent of the time, so know that in all likelihood, once your husband has some distance behind this, he will see this as his own regrettable mistake.
So, there's no need to take his mistake onto your own shoulders.  Yes, there may have been places where you left your marriage vulnerable.  Yes, you maybe could have paid more attention.  But, you are not the one who made the decision to cheat - he was.  Understand this and leave the issue behind so that you can move forward.
Know What You Need And Ask For It:  To really heal, you'll need to identify what you need.  Some women want a lot of time with their husbands.  They need reassurance, accountability, and a lot of communication.  Others will need a cool off period to process this.  But, almost every one will need for their husband to accountable and transparent.  Many will want to know where he is and what he is doing.  Many will not want him to participate in behaviors like going out with questionable friends or taking over night business trips.  Whatever things are no longer acceptable to you will need to be eliminated.  Your husband unfortunately can't read your mind, so you'll need to speak up and ask for these things.
Finally, it's often necessary to work on your self esteem and yourself outside of the marriage.  You need to build yourself up so that you know that you are good enough and are not at fault.  When you are able to do this, you'll begin to believe that, once you've both done the necessary work and improved your marriage, your husband can still love you, can still be trustworthy, and can still be an important part of your life and your family, despite one fleeting mistake.

I know that working through this and healing is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

24 Signs Of A Cheater

The signs to look for to catch a cheater vary from relationship to relationship which makes it difficult to give an accurate list of behavior changes or warnings signs. However, if your intuition keeps telling you that something is wrong, better investigate.
Here are of the common signs of a cheating spouse:
1) If your spouse no longer confides in you - or even asks for your opinion on issues that he or she should have or would have earlier, then there is a possibility your spouse is cheating on you and you should investigate further.
2) New behavior that doesn't add up - If your spouse can't clearly account of his or her whereabouts or even for money they may have spent or you keep finding receipts for services and things you do not have - That is one of the signs your wife/husband is having an affair.
3) Spends more time on the phone that usual - A cheating spouse will be making secretive phone calls and receiving or sending texts at odd times like in the middle of the night and often when asked about it he or she gets overly defensive that should be a clear sign of infidelity.
4) Erased phone history and using secret apps - this is one of the biggest red flag that is easy to spot. If your spouse's phone often has all the call log and text log deleted that means they hiding something. This leaves an easy way catch a cheater, contact a private investigator for details on how to use their phone to prove they are cheating on your.
5) Spending an unusual amount of time online - if you spouses online time is significantly increased without a clear explanation, this can be a warning signs he or she cheated or is about to cheat. With today's technology you can easily sign up for dating sites or even join internet chat rooms and easily meet someone and start an affair, all this from the comfort of your home.
6) Changes in what used to be regular work hours - if your spouse suddenly starts working late when they never used to before, this is one of the warning a signs of affair. Especially if they haven't had any major changes in their job position.
7) Asking for their own space - a spouse having an affair will often ask to be alone or even prefer to stay away from their family, mainly because they are confused over their feelings or feeling guilty. This is one of the signs your husband or wife is having an affair.
8) New need for privacy - if there are things that were open and freely shared by the couple but all over sudden one spouse starts making it a secret then there is a problem. For example setting up passwords on phones and computers that are not known by the other spouse that is one of the signs of infidelity.
9) Spending time with "a new friend" - If your spouse suddenly starts spending time with a "new friend" particularly one of the opposite gender, whom they have a lot in common with and gets very defensive when asked about it. This may be at time just be an ordinary friendship but it is important for you to take this relationship serious to ensure it is a platonic one. This may be the time to hire a private investigator to help you in catching a cheater.
10) Spending more time with friends - A common excuse that a cheating spouse will use is that they are going out with a friend. This may be someone new or someone you have known for a long time. The sad truth is that good friends will sometimes lie to help cover up for your cheating spouse. This may make it difficult how to know if you're being cheated on. A Private Investigator who knows how to catch cheaters can help you to prove the whereabouts of your spouse.
11) Not wearing a wedding ring - if you have found your spouse not wearing their wedding rings and when asked about it, they make excuses or quickly apologize and put it on. This can be one of the clear signs your wife or husband is having an affair.
12) Forgetfulness and missing your pre-arranged plans - if your spouse has developed a new habit of forgetting and missing plans that they were aware of. This could be one of the signs of an affair, you should look into it further to prove the whereabouts of your spouse.
13) If your spouse appears distant or shows a clear lack of interest in you especially sexual interest or when your spouse stops initiating casual touches or if your spouse doesn't look you in the eye anymore, especially when being intimate. All this would be warning signs that they are cheating.
14) No more special treatment - your spouse should do special things for you - this especially happens with men. If you man used to buy you chocolate or flowers often but he no longer does that. This might be a sign that his affections are elsewhere.
15) Finding your spouse with birth control, for example: when you find birth-control pills and you've had a vasectomy or when you find condoms in the car or in his pockets, and you are on the pill. Either of the above situations should clearly answer your question "is my husband/wife having an affair"
16) Smelling of unusual fragrances - if your spouse leaves and comes home in the evening smelling of an unfamiliar fragrance it is one of the clear signs of a husband/wife having an affair.
17) More frequent showering - If your spouse works an office job and as soon as they get home, they go straight to take a shower, this can also be a clear sign that they are cheating. Or your partner comes home smelling freshly showered at the end of the day this should be a red flag to ask yourself "is my wife/husband having an affair?".
18) When your spouse is clearly avoiding to attend social events with you, is also a red flag they may be trying to cover up the fact that they are married/with you. Going out with them in public to places where you suspect the person he is having an affair with may be. You may be able to encourage attending these places as one way how to find out if he's cheating or she is cheating on you.
19) When your mutual friends or his co-workers start acting strangely or are uncomfortable in your presence in a way that is unusual. It could mean they know your spouse is cheating on you and they are just afraid they might say something or don't know if they should tell you. Gently digging for details may be one way how to know if he or she is cheating on you.
20) When your spouse has had a complete change in behavior and attitude to everyone at home especially toward the children. This is a clear warning sign of a cheating spouse. They may be looking for ways to justify their actions and causing conflict can be one way to bring out the worst in you so that they can blame you for the demise of the relationship. Infidelity signs can sometimes be masked in other behaviors so without jumping to conclusions, you may want to review some of the other items listed here and see how many other signs you are seeing that may raise a red flag.
21) Your spouse begins staying up late when they didn't used to - often texting, chatting on dating sites or making late night calls will happen once you have gone to bed. You need to being asking yourself is my husband/wife having an affair. Speak with a Private Investigator about the ways that you can prove that he/she is cheating on you.
22) Your spouse begins sleeping in another bed or on the sofa there is a problem going on. If there is no clear answer as to why have have suddenly begun sleeping elsewhere you may want to investigate this further to see if it is one of the signs he/she is cheating on you. They may be feeling guilt to lay next to you knowing that they have been with someone else or they may be conducting other late night activity and don't want to flag you to what time they are going to bed.
23) When your spouse disrespects you or treats you in an abusive manner or they always seem to with finding and highlight all your negative aspects and shortcoming using them to directly hurt you or your self esteem. They are seeking reasons to justify their behavior or making you believe that you aren't worthy to be with them. Ask yourself did she/he cheat on me? Continue to look for other signs of cheating. Even if you figure out they aren't cheating on you but you are being treated in a disrespectful or abusive manner it is time to look into ways to improve your relationship.
24) Any major changes in personality without a logical reason or result like: change in the type of music they listen to, sudden obsession with their appearance or provocative dressing should lead you to asking the question did she or he cheat on me or are they looking to cheat on me.
If you are experiencing any/or multiple of the above behaviors it is time to investigate further. If you are looking for a concrete way of how to know if you are being cheated on or to prove your spouse's infidelity look into hiring a professional Private Investigator who can help you to move from suspicion to proof. In the State of Louisiana proof of cheating (not speculations) can be used in a court of law to help determine things such as child custody and alimony.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9549583

Marriage Tips- Desperate to Save your Marriage

One day you come to a realization that your marriage is headed to divorce. Where do you go, what do you do, where do you turn?
If I can offer you anything, it is this: You cannot repair your marriage ALONE!! One of you may want to save your marriage more than the other, and you can work with that. But it will take both of you to successfully save your marriage.
When I found myself going through a difficult time in my marriage, I was at a loss. I had no idea what I was doing day to day. I look back now and I cannot tell you what I did during those two months that my husband was confidently telling me he wanted a divorce. I remember feeling as though my life was falling apart and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
All I knew is that the man that I was completely head over heels in love with, was not for whatever reason able to stand by me when I had a problem. He was not able to offer me the strength and guidance that I could come to him about absolutely anything. I was suppose to be able to "walk on water" and never make a mistake. Not very realistic.
When I was searching out for guidance the best information I found was on the Internet. When you are going through a difficult time, you are looking for that one answer. The perfect answer that will just tell you what to do, to be able to fix everything.
After all my searches day after day I found several great sites with information that did in fact help save my marriage. Now that I am starting to repair my life, I feel the desire to help other women that may be in similar situation.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/562386

Love, Marriage, Fidelity, and Cheating - 10 Kinds of Spouses, From Devoted to Duplicitous

A happy, monogamous, life-long, traditional marriage is almost universally desired, yet has been proven time and time again through high divorce and infidelity rates and legions of unhappy couples to be, in most cases, an idealistic, unrealistic notion trumped by the reality of human nature.
Married and happy? Consider yourself fortunate. Married and unhappy? We have compassion for you. Married and cheating? It's your life and we won't judge, but you may want to consider the karmic consequences (even if you don't get caught).
Through work involving personality and cyclical timing assessment, intuitive consulting, and matchmaking, we've become familiar with 10 main groups of married people:
1. Those who have never strayed and are faithfully devoted to their long-term marriage partner. Typically, this group consists of 3 separate categories:
a. Together, they are part of a set that makes up roughly 5% of the married population-both partners in this bond enjoy that rare, life-long, mutually satisfying monogamous connection. Even more rare is the male who has no desire to be with anyone else--for his entire life.
b. This next couple isn't sexually active any longer and may have developed a knack for denying their sexual urges, lost interest in sex altogether (which is atypical, and could be a health problem or another unresolved issue), or replaced their sex drive with one or more compulsions involving food, shopping, gambling, or medication.
c. In their insistence on striving to live the fantasy of a picture perfect, traditional marriage, one spouse completely overlooks the fact that their partner is having wild sex with neighbors and coworkers.
2. Those who are terrified of losing their spouse (and, or children and, or half of their assets) and having to endure a "failed marriage," yet can't shake the powerful, persistent urge (which is natural) to get involved with someone other than their spouse. They haven't physically cheated, but are consumed with regular fantasies of doing so. They may (e.g., their partner refuses to have sex) or may not have valid reasons to seek love or lust outside of their marriage.
3. Those who avoid sexual affairs, but carry on emotionally intimate relationships with people other than their spouse.
4. Those who cheated once, admitted it to their spouse, and never did it again, thus far.
5. Those who say they would never cheat, condemn those who do, yet after a few drinks on a girls' or boys' night out for example, end up having a one night stand, then deny it happened, even to themselves.
6. Those who have a steady, secret lover on the side.
7. Those who have had a few affairs and manage to keep it quiet.
8. Those who believe their romantic cup overfloweth and greet each day with the spirit of a young sailor on shore leave who has been at sea for months. They are skilled at maintaining the outward appearance of a sound marriage, and secretly rooting out new lovers anywhere they go.
9. The happily married couple who has an unspoken agreement to allow each other "breathing room." But things get complicated when one is blatantly caught in the act of infidelity since both are more comfortable pretending they are exclusively monogamous.
10. The couple who has agreed upon a non-monogamous relationship. They acknowledge their natural desires, thumb their nose at society's expectations, and encourage each other to explore other love and, or purely physical relationships (safely and responsibly, of course), while creating a surprisingly strong bond due to their honesty and openness.
This type of relationship is gaining in popularity and tends to work best with two people who are secure with themselves, emotionally mature, and value their distinctive connection. They understand that each connection is different and offers unique, valuable lessons and rewards, and they are more aware of the spiritual reasons for their relationship instead of being fixated on the mythical, matrimonial fairytale archetype.
This couple is not "cheating" because they have agreed upon an honest and flexible arrangement. Remember, it's mainly the dishonesty that breaks up a couple when one has strayed from their strictly monogamous relationship.
It's important to note that affairs happen whether or not a couple is happily married, and you can fall in love with someone without sleeping with them. Our empirical research shows us that everyone has many soul mates, thus it's natural to have romantic attraction to multiple people throughout your life, and it's unreasonable to expect that one person meet all your emotional, physical, and romantic needs.
We've also found that you will meet who you're meant to meet, when you're meant to meet them, and it will last for as long as it's meant to last. The rigid rules of marriage fail to lock in happiness forever because they are trumped by the veracity of life.
So how do you avoid these problems? By being brutally honest and realistic with yourself and a partner, before and during a commitment.
Married or not, human nature is what it is. Could it be that someday the institution of marriage, as it is defined today, will be an ancient relic, one that is as shunned as being single is today? Maybe not in the near future, but we do believe later generations will do so and thus enjoy happier love lives.

Arranged Marriages - Are They Still Relevant in a Modern World?

Do you want to get married to a person whom you have not met or loved? Do you believe of arranged marriage? What are the contributing factors why parents prefer arranged marriage for their children? There are mixed answers to these questions, some individuals acceded to the said arrangement because they believed it is the best way to find the right partner, but some refused because they do not love the person.
Arranged marriage still exist in some countries, like Kenya, India, Philippines, China and some Arab countries. It is the kind of marriage arranged by parents of both parties to avoid the courtship process. Most often, it is practiced by wealthy and influential families in communities due to several reasons like:

• To maintain their status in society.
• To restrict their children to marry outside their community and social status.
• To ensure the success of their children.

This type of marriage arrangement dates back in 1500 in Victorian Europe. In ancient Egypt, it was practiced to keep their royal bloodline. Meanwhile, Romans used it to form strategic alliances and to strengthen military position in the family.
Its concept changed over time as parents are more concerned on the life of their children before they consent to the said deal. They believed that marriages can only be successful if their children find their life partners according to their standard and desires, but some parents still control the lives of their children and choose their partners.
In some culture, some parents still impose this type of marriage, but parents create a short list of spouses for their children to choose. If both parties refused, negotiations are called off.
Pros:

• It keeps the marriage together because both parties have the same culture, values and views.
• Wealth, properties and assets of both families remain within the family circle. Family secretes, issues and problems also remain within both families.
• There is no incompatibility issues because parents choose their child's partner according to religious, financial and education background compatibility.
• There is lower divorce rate compared marriages based on romantic love due to cultural and values compatibility.
• Support from parents of both parties. During trials and tribulations, husband and wife can expect financial, emotional and physical support from their parents. When a child is born and the couple had difficulty of finding credible babysitters, it is often the grandparents who pitch in and give their assistance in caring for their grandchild.

Cons:

• Marriages within the bloodline are at higher risk of developing genetic problems, such as Down's Syndrome, blood diseases and diabetes.
• There is a possibility of ending up in an unsuitable partner.
• There is element of risk.
• Romantic love may take longer to develop.
• There is a possibility that women are dragged and treated as slaves after marriage.
• Most often, in-laws tend to interfere and meddle in family matters, like finances, child-rearing and family obligations.

Always remember that no matter what type of marriage you are in, success in marriage depends on the compromise between husbands and wives, communication and respect for each other

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6130931