How to Stop Your Husband From Cheating - Marriage Advice

Do you want to know how to stop your husband from cheating? Good. You must be willing to open your mind to learn new things you have never imagined and put them into practical use. Let me pass on to you now the four simple steps you can use to stop your husband from cheating.
If you want to stop your husband from cheating, you must devise a good plan for your marriage. No marriage can succeed without a plan. Building a marriage is like building a house; you must have a burning desire to make it work. You need to develop a plan for the marriage and every day sit down with your spouse and show him your plan. During this time, let him see the cost involved in building a successful marriage, taking care of the home and the kid's education. Soon, your husband will realize the cost of his cheating and will discover it is not worthy to be spending money and time outside on strange women when the one he is married to is a better planner and organizer.
Learn to be patient. It takes time to change a man already neck deep in cheating and emotional affair. Give your husband time to dump his mistresses and stick to you. Do not challenge or abuse him but advice him on the financial, mental, health and moral implications of his actions. Soon, he will realize that the woman outside is not better than the one he is married to and he will become forced to stop cheating.
Develop the habit of solving problems in your marriage - financial problems, family problems, emotional problems, sexual problems, business problems and you will be able to stop your husband from cheating. See your husband's cheating as an opportunity to grow the marriage. See it as a challenge to modify your attitude and behavior positively. Change if you must, modify the way you handle your marriage, discard old philosophy that is not giving you the right results in your marriage for new ones. The moment you are able to change yourself, your husband and everything else in your marriage will change. You will be able to stop your husband's cheating without a fight. Take this to heart and change yourself and everything else will change. Try it.
Learn to imbibe new ideas that can help you learn how to stop your husband from cheating. Be a collector of good and honest ideas. Read and practice, until it becomes second nature. Get useful and worthy ideas from several honest sources. Look for ideas that will help you build your marriage and not those that will tell you about divorce and get you into infidelity. Be a collector of good ideas for your marriage. Devote time for your husband. The price of a successful marriage is responsibility. You must decide if you are willing to direct your emotions and thoughts to save your marriage and stop your husband from cheating.

Click here now to get the resource that will painlessly help you to restore your marriage for good.

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Save Marriage Tips - Learn To Read Signs of a Failing Marriage

Couples who are thinking that their marriage is failing are likely to be anxious in learning some effective save marriage tips. However, how much do you know about your relationship with your spouse? Knowing your marriage is on the rock is bad but for those who are still unaware of his or her failing marriage is really worse.
People in this modern world may have been too preoccupied by a lot more other activities apart from relationship. There were indeed cases when things happened so fast that before they know it, the couples are in the process of divorcing. Hence, it is undoubtedly vital to learn how to read the signs of a failing marriage. Early discovery definitely will give you more time to use some great save marriage tips to avoid ending up divorcing.
Stated below are but a few common signs you should be looking out for. These common signs are so common that they might be there all the while and you have not been seeing them. If you do not feel that there is none of these signs existing between you and your spouse, congratulation as chances are, both of you are still deeply in love with each other.
Frequent Fight
Are the two of you frequently getting into heated arguments? If this is the case, please sit back and analyze if there is any problem with your marriage. When an argument resulted in physical fight, it can be really serious because in most cases, such physical abuse can lead to detrimental mental agony.
However, please do not get over suspicious when arguments only take place once in a while. There is nothing wrong when a quarrel break out between you and spouse as long as they are not too frequent. When two people stay together, they bound to have some disagreements.
Communication Problems
Are you communicating with your spouse? Are you talking less frequently to him or her? Are there always some miscommunication problems arising? If you think so, you should find out more in depth whether there is really a problem waiting to be solved.
When a marriage couple is not talking to each other frequently, they will not likely to know the things that happen in each other's life. They may not be able to share their problems and stress they are experiencing in their work life. What is worse is that one party may share his or her problems and stress with a third party. The situation can really get very complicated.
Less Frequency In Bedroom Activities
Although marriage is not only about sex, it is undeniably a vital part to complete a husband and wife relationship. Do you think the two of you are not doing it as it used to be? As in less intense and less frequent. Don't jump into conclusion and try to look at the problem with an open mind as there may be other reasons leading to the problem. Find out the truth before jumping into your own conclusion.
Suspicious Behaviors
Is your spouse behaving rather suspiciously recently? For example, if your spouse has always been answering his or her call in front of you but recently, he or she is always talking secretly on the phone away from you, it is the time to find out more. Or perhaps your spouse has changed his or her appearance, perfume or hairstyle drastically. He or she may also spend a great deal of time before the mirror before heading to work. All these suspicious behaviors are more than enough reasons for you to find out more.
The above listed pointers are but a few common signs of a failing marriage. However, do not jump into conclusion if any of these signs appear. There may be other reasons to problems. It is always advisable to get your spouse to sit down with you and have a proper discussion. Talk it out to find out the hidden relationship problem and come up with a solution together. There are a lot of save marriage tips you can apply to avoid a divorce.

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Signs of a Failing Marriage - Is Your Marriage Doomed to Fail?

First of all I'm very sorry that you're looking for signs of a failing marriage.
It's never fun to be in that position. It's a constant pain in your chest. It crushes you and makes everything that you do seem a little bit less important or fun, even though it's supposed to be.
It gets even worse when there are kids involved. Of course you want the kids to have to deal with as little of your nonsense as possible. And when you can't stop them from having to hear the fighting and arguing or just bickering then it makes you feel even worse and depressed.
You see I know exactly what all of this feels like. I was right there and I hated it. I hated it because I absolutely loved my wife, and wanted things to work out for both us and the kids. But we just couldn't seem to get along and all the signs of failing marriage were there.
So What are the Signs of a Failing Marriage Anyways?
Well first of all let's be blunt. The signs are already there or you wouldn't be reading this. And the variables that dictate whether or not a marriage is going to fail are endless.
The signs of a failing marriage don't really need to be spelled out for you.
Actually there is one sign that dictates that you should get the heck out no matter what. If there's abuse in the relationship then it's time for that relationship to end yesterday. Whether you're being abused or the abuser get out.
If not...then the things that point to your marriage failing are warning signs, not signs that anything is doomed or over. Believe me I fixed my marriage when it seemed like it was beyond repair, and I actually was the only person who was in it to win it there for a while. I began to repair my marriage basically all by myself, without my wife even knowing it. Ha! Showed her! LOL
If you're arguing all of the time, then it's time to recognize that you have a communication problem (duh) and that you need to figure out a more effective way to get your points across, and to accept the points of your spouse. It's not easy, it's learned.
If you're not talking at all, then again , you have a communication breakdown, and you have to figure out why there's such anger and resentment. You have to figure out how to effectively get your feelings to your spouse without sparking a huge fight. It's not easy, it's learned.
If you're cheating, or suspect that your spouse is cheating well there's a lot of work to do to save your marriage. Trust is broken, and needs, desires, and wants aren't being fulfilled. But there's a reason and a how to fix that. It's not easy, but it can be learned.
So there are some signs that your marriage has the potential to fail if you don't get to work and do something about it. The only thing that's really not repairable is abuse. Otherwise it's up to you how important revival it is.
For me it was paramount, so I went about fixing one by one all of the signs of a failing marriage on my own.

My marriage was and still is the most important thing in the world to me. I decided that if it was be fixed that it was up to me to fix it. Basically my wife had given up on it being repairable. Fortunately I didn't. It wasn't easy, I had a lot to learn.
I started thinking much differently. I stopped looking for signs of a failing marriage.
I started looking for solutions for my failing marriage. Solutions I could fix without my wife's help at all. With a ton of research I found it. Find out what it is.... Click here now!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3243560

Unhappy Marriage - How to Save Your Marriage

One of the greatest things that I was able to do was marry my high school sweetheart. Having the chance to spend your lifetime with someone whom during my teenage years that became my best friend, counselor, financial manager, lover and many other things. The beauty of our relationship was not based upon anything else but to love each other to our fullest. Having the privilege to marry her was the absolute joy of my life.
Just to imagine the ability to see her and spend as much time with her now we are married refreshes the fact that I made the right decision to marry this wonderful person. With the zest of life before us, and the ability to do what we wanted to do with each other without having a curfew was amazing to say the least. Not worrying about running up my parent's phone bill, not having to battle my siblings over the phone, or even trying to find the phone because they hid it from me. I now have the time to talk with her all the time.
With now dreams and goals rampantly racing throughout our minds, we had to come together and place all of our thoughts on paper. Surprisingly, we found that some of our goals and dreams did not include the other in them. With some discussion and agreement to assist the other to achieve some goals and dreams was very powerful in our relationship building process. Knowing that two people from two entire different backgrounds can come together as a tandem team and make some things happen for the other is very positive.
Even though we have had some amazing moments, we also had dark ones also. These are the times when you begin to second and third guess yourself to whether are not you made the right decision to remain married or had gotten married at all. How to survive during periods of an unhappy marriage? These are life lessons that can and will help you during these times:
* Do not make harsh or rash decisions during this time -- Making decisions about your marriage during these times can damage a delicate marriage even more. Give yourself sufficient time to bring your emotions down a few notches. Whatever the issue(s) is/are they will be there waiting for you.
* Step away from a hostile verbal exchange -- Heated conversations can be the most severe way to destroy a marriage. We say things sometimes only trying to hurt the other more. Our words can change the direction of our lives with uncontrolled verbiage. Just because you are the man or woman does not give you the right to say what you want to say and how you want to say it. Your mouth can tear away the very fabric of your marriage, so be very careful!
* Do not bring your parents or siblings in your marriage -- You did not marry your parents or siblings; you married your husband or wife. Bringing your family into your marriage will cause greater levels of emotions and family member will begin to think differently of you and your spouse. It is not their responsibility to be a First-Aid Pack to you. So, keep them out!
* Reflect on what brought the two of you together -- I know this sound cheesy, but you have to know that life will bring you many sorts of situations in life. One of the greatest powers in the world is, The Power of Love. When you open yourself to Love, you also open yourself to hurt.
* Occupy your time -- This is a good time to catch up on some things that you wanted to do, such as: catch up on some reading, pick up a hobby, cleanup your attic or basement. Whatever that thing is that will occupy your time during these moments, do it. This will help gather your thoughts and a better approach towards the situation(s).
How to survive during periods of an unhappy marriage, is not saying you have to necessarily have to take the low ground. It is a time to truly evaluate you to see what can you make or do better. It's a time to see how you want handle the situation differently if it ever occurs again. This is not the time to do the Blame Game. We all have faults, what make us unique is, the ability to recognize a problem, adjust during the problem and find your way through it unharmed.

If you are ready to restore your relationship and discover all the strategies that will help get your marriage back on the right track. These Easy-Proven Steps will have you take your marriage to another level... now learn the best way to get the job done. If your are ready to save your marriage

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2999826

How To Save Your Marriage - Learn Lessons From My Mistakes

I don't do this for just anybody but I'm going to let you into my marriage in hopes of helping you figure out how to save your marriage. My only request is that actually do something positive to improve your marriage after reading this information.
Ok, when I first got married I was madly in-love and not afraid to let anyone and everyone know about it. No one could tell me I hadn't found my perfect love. Marriage advice was something I had no time for or interest in hearing about because to me it was for people who weren't really in-love or married to the wrong person. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I too would one day, be looking for information on how to save my marriage.
Problem # 1 - I really didn't know how to be married. I found out after a short while that I was legally married but with nor formal marriage training or guidance I continued to act like I was single. I still hung out with my friends on Friday evening and worked as if I was married to my job. This quickly caused my marriage to sour and bitterness and resentment surfaced.
Solution - It doesn't matter if you are newly weds or celebrating your 10th wedding anniversary. If you don't want to have the need to learn how to save your marriage, make sure you get your priorities straight. Make sure you put your spouse and marriage first in your life and you will have a happier and healthier relationship. I learned to and it made all the difference in the world.
Problem # 2 - I played mind games and hurt my spouse. I can tell you that I was very good at giving my spouse the silent treatment. I was also good at pretending I didn't care at times whether our marriage would survive or not. What this caused is a lot of pain and needless resentment and frustration.
How did I end my childish behaviors? It became clear to me one day when we had a blowup and were seconds away from hitting each other. Then the tears flowed and at that point we realized that if something didn't change we would end up in the hospital, jail or divorce court.
Problem # 3 - I started taking my marriage for granted. OK after being married for a number of years it's easy to get comfortable and assume your in it for life so why not just coast. My thought was that since neither one of us is going anywhere I guess we are doing better than at least 50% of the married couples who are getting divorced each year. I didn't realize how close I was to joining the 50% crowd. Just because your spouse doesn't tell you they are unhappy it doesn't mean you are heading in the right direction.
I hope you understand that if you aren't growing closer and building a stronger relationship you are growing apart and your bond is weakening. I assure you that it's got to be one or the other. One day after hearing the words "I feel lonely" from my spouse I realized that I needed to once again examine what I was doing and make sure I was listening. It had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with being intimately involved. We were ale to overcome taking each other for granted.
I have shared a few mistakes I have made during my married life in hopes of helping you to figure out that it's time to learn how to save your marriage. I'll be honest and say that at times I was clueless and still need some tips and advice to keep me in-line. I'm happy to say that after 27 years of marriage our marriage is stronger than it has ever been.

I know first hand that marriage isn't easy but it doesn't take a genius to figure out how to save your marriage. What it takes is a little knowledge, humility and desire to build a better marriage. I hope you have the humility and desire. If you need a little more knowledge on how to keep your marriage strong, please visit here; Save Your Marriage
Finally, I will admit that our marriage will never be perfect as long as I'm involved because I'm far from perfect. However, my spouse realizes that and loves me despite my faults and I return the unconditional love. I hope you will take the steps to save your marriage today. Again, for more tips and advice, look here; Saving Your Marriage

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5787483

How to Save Your Marriage - Tips to Fix Your Relationship

There is no perfect relationship, and most married couples face a lot of obstacles and problems over time. However, there are cases in which the little things create more tension and drive the couple apart from each other. The relationship has deteriorated to the point that they can't talk without shouting each other. At that point, you might think that your marriage is already over. So, the question is how to save your marriage when you are in this situation.
The sad news is that a lot of married couples think that letting go is the easiest way to get out of the situation. But why let go when there are ways to fix your marriage. You have already invested so much energy and time into your spouse and promised to be with your partner for better or worse. And you know that there is love there somewhere.
Find Out What Went Wrong
Often, couples don't know what went wrong. Most relationships suffer from a couple of flaws, and they serve as obstacles to having a healthy relationship. You must identify these weaknesses and work them out with your partner as soon as possible. This is the first step on how to save your marriage. Some of the common issues that married couples face are incompatibility, infidelity, and lack of communication, a death of a loved one, money, and sex.
Determine if the Issues are Fixable
Once you have pinpointed the problem, find out if you can resolve it on your own. However, it is important to determine if the relationship is still worth saving. If you want to save the marriage but your spouse has already moved on, then you might consider getting help from a third party.You should also keep in mind that there are flaws in the relationship that might make it not worth saving. People rarely change, even if they say they will change. Once they are comfortable, they will go back to what they were before.
Keep an Open Line of Communication
It is important to get the opinion of your spouse if you want to fix your relationship.One person alone can't save the relationship. You should avoid being accusatory when speaking with your spouse. Sometimes, talking about the problem can lead to reconciliation.
These are just some of the tips that can help save your marriage. You should try to find a solution to your marriage problem before it is too late. Failure to act immediately can lead to a divorce.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9434323

Stop The Divorce - Save Your Marriage

You are in a tricky situation currently; you are considering divorce; your wife has already walked out on you; you found her cheating; your marriage is failing for reasons unknown. But you obviously do care; you are a forgiving loving man; you want to stop the divorce; you want to save your marriage.
Does this describe your situation? You are reading this article so you obviously do care about your marriage. You wish that your wife could be in love with you until "death do you part", even though she has already separated from you.
You understand that divorce is one of the worst things in the world. It affects not only you and your spouse, but also your children, your extended family and your friends. Some of the sad consequences of a marriage breakup can be seen in the following list:
- Your family life is wrecked
- Your children have split parents
- Your children have to cope with shared custody
- Your children have split loyalties
- You friends have split loyalties
- Your finances are torn apart
- Years of savings go up in smoke (or get paid to the lawyer!)
- You loose your home
- Hours of long drawn out legal battles in a divorce court
- You loose at least half of what you own
- You have ongoing alimony payments
- You have ongoing child support payments
- You feel hostile towards your wife and she towards you
- There are months or years of grieving
Is it worth it? Is this what you want? I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy. So stop the divorce now. Save your marriage
There is plenty of help available to help you work through and resolve the issues. You will find various solutions recommended by marriage guidance councellors and in the many self help books available.
But be careful. Research what others are doing;and do the opposite! Why? Because they've got it wrong. What they are doing doesn't seem to work. Almost everyone believes that human beings make the ideal decisions based on reason. In a perfect world, you could see a marriage counsellor, come up with a plan (maybe by having "date nights" or "intimacy time") and everything would be perfect. But it is not.
If you go to a relationship guru, they will tell you that you can "communicate" your way into a great marriage. But in reality, simply "talking through" your problems is the worse thing you can do. Apologizing, discussing, compromising, grovelling, begging, "communicating"…these logic based approaches have limited success.
As a man one of the key points for you to know about your wife is that she uses emotion rather than logic when making personal decisions! And logic kills attraction. So if you want to build massive feelings of love and attraction in your wife, you have to look at what really makes her feel those things!
But the good news is that no matter how bad things have gotten, no matter how disinterested your wife might seem, no matter if one of you has cheated, no matter if you're already separated - you can stop the divorce. You can save your marriage. But the longer you hesitate to do something about it the more likely you are to end up in a divorce court.
If you're like most men, you have probably already tried everything you can to save your marriage, but nothing seems to work! Counselling didn't work, books that claimed they could save your marriage didn't work, and advice from your best mate or your sister didn't work either. And now you have approached the best, really expensive divorce lawyer. Will he/she be the saviour of your marriage - I think not.
If you are so befuddled by the range of information available on this topic that you are unsure where to start, don't worry you are not the only one. There are a lot of men in similar circumstances to you. It is time now to re-invest in your marriage and super-charge it with more love, passion, fun and excitement than ever before. Educate yourself on some fantastic insights into the human condition. Become that powerful guy once more.
The answer to how to stop the divorce and save your marriage is quite simple really. The law of attraction forms the foundation. Can you remember the early days of marriage bliss when you loved each other like nothing before? Can you recollect who you were when she loved you like that? In fact the only thing you have to do is wake up that same man your wife married.
If the attraction between spouses is dead and buried how will they prevent that divorce and save the marriage? In point of fact the answer is not found by solving problems. It is actually found in building attraction. You have to develop so much heat and passion in your spouse that she is madly in love with you again. To stop that divorce and save your marriage you must lead your wife from being totally disinterested in you to being so attracted to you that you become the king of the castle and she is the queen by your side.
Would you like to know the secret about how to do that? Then here it is. In one word in is called leadership. If your marriage is in trouble, then you have not succeeded in leading your wife! Stop the divorce and save your marriage by becoming once again that amazing, compelling, dynamic leader your wife first fell in love with.
On a biological level sex drive is all about the continuation of mankind. Males with commanding leadership qualities appeal to females because subconsciously they view strong leaders as the provider, the protector, and the giver of life through fatherhood. And so nature has programmed women on a biological level to be massively attracted to leaders
You are probably thinking that this attitude is not politically correct. Of course in business and society women have total equality. But if you are serious about stopping that divorce and saving your marriage, if you want your wife to be attracted to you and in love with your forever, then that leader had better be you! lead your wife and let her biology do the rest.

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The Best Ways to Save Your Marriage and Stop Divorce

Do you wish that you knew how to avoid separation before it looks inevitable? It seems that an increasing amount of marriages are trying to find ways of doing just that and not merely hoping that their relationship will sort itself out.
Needless to say, to work on improving your marriage before it reaches crisis point is far more sensible. People who don't do this may wrongly believe that to save what you have involves making a few major changes.
The reality is that a couple should continually (even if their marriage isn't in dire straits) work together in developing what they have and strengthen their bond.
In order to effectively take divorce off you and your spouse's radar, it is essential to understand that how you talk to each, and express yourselves is fundamental. It is common for some to not be fully aware of what this entails.
In truth, how you talk to each other is only one way that you communicate.
Ensuring that you regularly discuss what's on your mind and how you are feeling is important. This is even truer when you are having an argument and aren't meeting eye to eye.
It is not uncommon for the usual ways of interacting to go out the window when you begin to have a disagreement. Unfortunately, spiteful remarks are traded and feelings are hurt instead of trying to conclude the argument and respect each other's differences in opinion.
With no exception should you ever communicate with your partner in that negative fashion. After all, you love them are meant to be their other half, supporting them through thick and thin. You won't find many more effective ways to tear a marriage apart than depriving each other of the respect that you both deserve.
I'm not suggesting that you should have a completely argument and disagreement-free marriage (which is reserved almost entirely for Disney films and other fairytales!). There will be times when you and your spouse find something which can't agree on.
To expect anything other than that is unrealistic; you are both unique individuals with your own thoughts, opinions and set of beliefs, neither of which are going to be perfectly aligned.
It's when you start to accept this fact and instead respect each other's views when you'll start to make headway.
Instead of trying desperately to make sure you never have any disagreements, why not try learning the right way to deal with them instead?
If both husband and wife work on tackling the minor issues as and when they occur, they won't be allowed to build up into something more significant.
To ensure you and your spouse avoid this happening with you, develop how you communicate and be empathetic with one another.
This really isn't difficult to do, but if you work on doing these two things when the opportunity presents itself, you will see improvements. The key is to be utterly honest with yourself; when you find that you've said something slightly nasty or failed to listen to your partner, be aware of that and ensure not to do it again when similar scenarios crop up.
Learning to evolve as a couple like this is the difference between being in a marriage that continually gets better, and being in one where you both find yourselves considering divorce.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6586100

Are You Ready to Start Saving Your Marriage?

Are you ready to start saving your marriage? You may be staring down the barrel of a very frightening marriage crisis. It might seem like the road your on is guaranteed to end with an ugly divorce court scene. Don't give up. If you're ready to take action you can save your marriage!
The proof surrounds you. There are countless couples enjoying strong, happy marriages who have been in situations similar to your own. They found out that saving marriage works and you can use them as inspiration as you prepare to do what it takes to stop your divorce.
People have turned away from the very brink of divorce. One expert recounts the tale of a couple who decided to solve their problems and to build a better marriage while they were actually driving to see a divorce attorney. Relationships have survived seemingly insurmountable odds, becoming wonderful partnerships featuring love, stability and support. You don't have to give up on the idea of saving your marriage. You have a choice when it comes to divorce!
That might sound motivational, but there's undoubtedly part of you that wonders exactly how to get the job done. What do you actually need to do to preserve and strengthen your marriage? The short answer is that you need to combine a smart plan with a willingness to take action.
A good plan is indispensable. You can't just rely on intuition or your gut instincts to do what it takes to make things right again. The stakes are far too high to rely on guesswork. We're talking about the most important adult relationship in your life and you can't afford to risk that on the roll of the dice.
That's why your chances for success will be so much higher if you adopt a strategy devised by experts in the field of marriage. A proven blueprint of the actions necessary to save a marriage will be the greatest weapon in your arsenal as you battle divorce.
A great plan won't get your far if you don't adopt it, though. That's why the second key component to saving your marriage is to take action. The number one reason so many marriages have fail has nothing to do with things like money, infidelity or lying. The top killer of marriages is inactivity.
You need to remember that wishing, hoping and positive thinking won't turn things around. You need to understand that worrying, fretting or procrastinating won't make your troubles disappear. Saving your marriage is a proactive endeavor and you'll need to take action to reach your goal.

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Save Marriage From Divorce - Three Essential Steps to Help Restore Your Marriage

If your husband or wife has announced that he or she wants a divorce or at least a trial separation, your reality, as you have become accustomed to, comes to a screeching halt. Your marriage may have been on a slow burner waiting for the boiling point or this may have come to you as a complete surprise. Either way, the impact is nothing short of devastating.
It is the mind numbing shock that paralyzes you. Your mind just cannot comprehend what has happened. It's the death of a relationship as you once knew it.
At this time, in the midst of your crisis, if you can for a moment reach for a comforting thought, may it be this; every obstacle in life is disguised as an opportunity for improvement.
If a meltdown has occurred in your marriage, then continuing on the same path will not in any way improve your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, now is the time to do it. This is the time to really ask yourself - are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage?
Three essential things that will move you towards a healthy relationship:

• Stop blaming yourself or your spouse for why your marriage fell apart. You will need a lot of support to get through this process. The anger and disappointment you feel may cause you to want to cast blame on someone. As long as you are focused on whose fault this is, you will not be able to move forward. You have to come to accept where you are at this moment in order to take the next step towards reconciliation.

• Find out what is really important to you in a marriage and what is important to your spouse. In other words, what does a marriage mean to both of you? You may have different expectations or values. How do you find out what is important to your spouse? You need to ask your spouse this - "what are you looking for in the marriage? What would make you happy?" Then just listen. You may not agree with everything, but resist arguing with your spouse. Instead, understand that everyone is entitled to their perspective and try not to take what your spouse says personally. This may be an eye opener for you. It takes a lot of patience to practice being silent and just listening - so hang in there. Actively listening to how your spouse feels is a major part of healing in a relationship. This is a good habit to start adopting. The more you listen, the more you will be listened to as well. Funny how that works.

• Agree on a plan of action to take to save your marriage. You need to do whatever the next step is to reconstruct your marriage. You may need a blueprint on how to express anger or pain, or how to talk to your spouse and get what you each need from this marriage. You need to avoid going back to old habits that did not work, and finding things that did work and nurturing those qualities to enhance your marriage. You may be able to accomplish these yourselves by just listening to each other, respecting each other and willing to compromise. Or you may need the help of a marriage counselor.

The motivation to save your marriage has to be your own, however. No one can do this work for you.
If you are in the midst of a marriage crisis, understand that your marriage took a while to crumble and it will take a while to build back up. Relish in the process of rebuilding your marriage. In other words, don't become discouraged if you don't see results right away. Celebrate every little achievement you experience in your relationship. In time, your marriage can become stronger than it has ever been. This would be the silver lining in the crisis you are facing.

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