If your husband or wife has announced that he or she wants a
divorce or at least a trial separation, your reality, as you have become
accustomed to, comes to a screeching halt. Your marriage may have been
on a slow burner waiting for the boiling point or this may have come to
you as a complete surprise. Either way, the impact is nothing short of
devastating.
It is the mind numbing shock that paralyzes you. Your mind just cannot comprehend what has happened. It's the death of a relationship as you once knew it.
At this time, in the midst of your crisis, if you can for a moment reach for a comforting thought, may it be this; every obstacle in life is disguised as an opportunity for improvement.
If a meltdown has occurred in your marriage, then continuing on the same path will not in any way improve your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, now is the time to do it. This is the time to really ask yourself - are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage?
Three essential things that will move you towards a healthy relationship:
If you are in the midst of a marriage crisis, understand that your marriage took a while to crumble and it will take a while to build back up. Relish in the process of rebuilding your marriage. In other words, don't become discouraged if you don't see results right away. Celebrate every little achievement you experience in your relationship. In time, your marriage can become stronger than it has ever been. This would be the silver lining in the crisis you are facing.
It is the mind numbing shock that paralyzes you. Your mind just cannot comprehend what has happened. It's the death of a relationship as you once knew it.
At this time, in the midst of your crisis, if you can for a moment reach for a comforting thought, may it be this; every obstacle in life is disguised as an opportunity for improvement.
If a meltdown has occurred in your marriage, then continuing on the same path will not in any way improve your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, now is the time to do it. This is the time to really ask yourself - are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage?
Three essential things that will move you towards a healthy relationship:
- Stop blaming yourself or your spouse for why your marriage fell apart. You will need a lot of support to get through this process. The anger and disappointment you feel may cause you to want to cast blame on someone. As long as you are focused on whose fault this is, you will not be able to move forward. You have to come to accept where you are at this moment in order to take the next step towards reconciliation.
- Find out what is really important to you in a marriage and what is important to your spouse. In other words, what does a marriage mean to both of you? You may have different expectations or values. How do you find out what is important to your spouse? You need to ask your spouse this - "what are you looking for in the marriage? What would make you happy?" Then just listen. You may not agree with everything, but resist arguing with your spouse. Instead, understand that everyone is entitled to their perspective and try not to take what your spouse says personally. This may be an eye opener for you. It takes a lot of patience to practice being silent and just listening - so hang in there. Actively listening to how your spouse feels is a major part of healing in a relationship. This is a good habit to start adopting. The more you listen, the more you will be listened to as well. Funny how that works.
- Agree on a plan of action to take to save your marriage. You need to do whatever the next step is to reconstruct your marriage. You may need a blueprint on how to express anger or pain, or how to talk to your spouse and get what you each need from this marriage. You need to avoid going back to old habits that did not work, and finding things that did work and nurturing those qualities to enhance your marriage. You may be able to accomplish these yourselves by just listening to each other, respecting each other and willing to compromise. Or you may need the help of a marriage counselor.
If you are in the midst of a marriage crisis, understand that your marriage took a while to crumble and it will take a while to build back up. Relish in the process of rebuilding your marriage. In other words, don't become discouraged if you don't see results right away. Celebrate every little achievement you experience in your relationship. In time, your marriage can become stronger than it has ever been. This would be the silver lining in the crisis you are facing.
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