Marriage, Love, and Compromise

The sheer thought of marriage frightened Joyce. She could not comprehend how a journey of marriage can be accomplished in a meaningful manner. She has always given to understand that sanctity of marriage is a sacred institution which has its own values. The reality gave enough evidence establishing the ugly side of the same scared institution.
Initially, as a child she failed to appreciate the nuptial knots and divorces.Which shattered her personality many times witnessing these scenes. Her personality transformed from a confused person to a matured woman. She grew older and become a confident and a sensible person. She did get the in-depth information and evaluated the pros and cons of marriage. However, there was also the softer and delicate side of Joyce. Her heart and mind were always yearning for a sincere, honest and loving mate.
She was an intelligent sailor. She learnt as a child the art of sailing in rivers and lakes. She also understood the art of navigation and boat handling. She has won a lot of laurels and recognition for her contribution to the county sailing club. Her friend Mabel was diagonally opposite in every aspect in comparison to Joyce. In spite of divergent views and personality difference, they were very close to each other. The chemistry between them was unique. She was married and well settled.
Mabel did not get a university degree; however, she grew in an orthodox family culture. Her values of life revolved around close family ties. A loving husband and children gave her total satisfaction in life. She did take part in community activities yet her family priorities overshadowed her social interaction.
Joyce was on a routine sailing trip in the lake enjoying a perfect weather for yachting. On completion of her trip, she secured the boat and proceeded towards the bar for a drink. At the bar, she met Francis, who was a young entrepreneur. A handsome looking young lad was the centre of attraction in the bar. Joyce who was equally very pretty and attractive draws equal attention from the crowed.
While Joyce was sipping her drink and enjoying, Francis approached her and introduced himself. They were chatted for a while and Joyce prepares to leave. Francis invited her for the felicitation of entrepreneurs organized by the county. An award of excellence is to be given by the Sheriff to the most successful entrepreneur of the county. Joyce accepted the invitation and departed. Francis was impressed by her veracity and extrovert nature. Joyce was impressed by his achievement at a very young age. There appeared to be a perfect chemistry developed between them.
In the felicitation function Francis was awarded as the most successful entrepreneur. There were a joy and happiness among the county crowed. After the function Francis and Joyce went to the country club for a quiet dinner. Francis proposed her and Joyce accepted it. A date was finalized and they got married. Once the honeymoon was over and life followed the regular path of business. At the outset, there was nothing, which could draw attention of others. However, Francis was devoid of any interest in sailing. On the other hand, Joyce was least interested in business like involvement. This divergent attitude of both draws flak and boredom started creeping in slowly.

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Preparing for Marriage: Love Conquers All - Or Does It?

Newly engaged couples are so much fun to watch. They are very tender with each other, they smile when they speak to each other, they care about the other person's opinion, and they are optimistic about life in general. Best of all, they believe the other person is perfect and their love will last forever, that somehow they have the ideal type of love and their love will conquer all problems life tossed their way. This is what is meant by having rose-colored glasses when looking at your partner, seeing only the good and none of the bad.
However something happens after engagement when these couples walk down the aisle and say, "I do". The same rose-colored glasses seem to shatter resulting in the good becoming minimized while the bad becomes exaggerated. One of the many reasons premarital counseling is recommended is to help to highlight via an indifferent experienced third party, the potential areas of contention. While God's love is capable of conquering everyone and everything, man's love falls far short. Here are some of the major areas that man's love cannot conquer.
Addiction. There are many forms of addictions a person can have: alcohol, gambling, pornography, drugs (illegal and prescription), and sex just to name a few. These addictions consume time, money and energy from your relationship and in the long run, can even destroy it. Your finance may even say that their addiction tendencies are less because of your presence and while this may be true for the time being, it will not be true in the future. The reason the addiction is less during the engagement is because of the excitement of the upcoming marriage and the hope and promise it brings. As soon as difficulties surface, this hope will quickly turn into despair and the addiction will return sometimes with a vengeance.
Abuse. There are also many forms of abuse such as physical, emotional, sexual and verbal. Physical abuse involves any physical contact that is unwelcome or threatening. Emotional abuse is neglecting your partner's basic needs for security, love and attachment. Sexual abuse includes rape or any type of forced sexual encounter. Verbal abuse is the use of foul language, demeaning statements, biting sarcasm or hurtful remarks. Loving someone will not stop the abuse. Often the abuse is very subtle in the beginning and often in frequent during the engagement process with your fiance being very apologetic afterwards. These are warning signs that should not be ignored because the abuse is very likely to increase after the wedding.
Alarm. There are many ways your partner can alarm you, perhaps they engage in self-harming behavior (such as cutting), threaten to commit suicide, threaten to cause you physical harm, or have irrational fears (such as paranoia or extreme jealously). These behaviors need to be addressed with a professional who has experience in helping individuals to overcome their alarming behavior rather than a well-meaning fiance who is unsure of how to handle the situation. Getting married will not eliminate any of these behaviors no matter what your fiance says, in fact it will worsen.
Addiction, abuse and alarm are three good reasons to end an engagement. Yes, your fiance can get better with professional help, a willingness to overcome the challenges, and by the grace of God but even these ingredients separate from each other do not guarantee success. Just for a moment, take off your rose-colored glasses and look at your partner objectively to see if there is any trace of these behaviors. After all, your love does have limits.

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Marriage - Love is Patient

The more a couple focuses on each other's faults the more they lose the ability to stay patient with each other. However, because of love, a couple can gain the ability to patiently overlook faults and make allowances for differences.
Patience is like a tool to help us cope with the problems and stressors of life. When we live with someone else, their faults and differences from us show up every day, so they affect us all the time. Love is the key that opens the door of patience in handling these two areas.
The faults of others- It sure is easier to see the faults of others than in ourselves. Our spouse's faults grind on us every day, and we begin to wonder why they do not change. Don't they know how much their lateness or their perfectionism or their spending habits drives us crazy?
It is important to remember that no one is perfect. Our habits could be offensive to our spouse just as theirs are to us. When two people first begin to connect on deeper than friendship levels, they have this amazing ability to overlook things that they may not like in the other person. If that could continue, relationships would flourish without stumbling over faults.
The differences of others- Some things may irritate spouses that are not even faults. Even small differences can affect some people. We can be thankful that we are not all exactly alike. Along with that thankfulness, spouses could give each other a few more breaks on ways in which they are different.
One might like this restaurant, but the other not. Some like the beach, while the others like the mountains. This one may need to be active in sports, when the other just wants to read a book. It's OK that each person has different ideas and interests that draw them.
Differences and faults are not to be excuses. Together a couple can help each other grow and change, but they do not need to become stumbling blocks either. A patient spouse goes along with activities even if it means little to them.
Because a man loves his wife, he can patiently endure shopping for her sake. Because a woman loves her husband, she can listen with interest to the recount of his favorite team's performance in last night's game.
Let the key of love open the door to patience in your marriage.

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Christian Marriage - Love and Sensuality

What many Christian couples don't understand is the potential they have for a Christian marriage with strong love and sensuality. It irks me to no end when I see couples simply going through the motions of life, absent of excitement and joy. I see them at church, I see them pick their children up from school, and I will see them at various Church related gatherings and events.
When I ask, "how is everything going?", I will sometimes get a response such as, "oh pretty good, you know me and Chuck are pretty busy and It's hard to create extra time for ourselves, but we do manage to make it to Church, so that's good."
I generally will find a window of opportunity to pull such couples aside and right off the bat say to them, "You know Chuck and Betty, it really sounds to me like you're missing out on a stronger and more sensually exciting marriage!" This is enough of a shocker to get their attention, and I then will explain further to them some aspects to a marriage relationship filled with strong sensuality.
First I explain to them that there is no need to "create time" but rather to live in the moments which are available to them, as if these are in fact the "magic moments" (which indeed they are). When you take on that mentality you end up opening up windows for the so called "spare time". But in any event when you act sensual about everyday life as a Christian in a loving marriage relationship should, then you create so much more meaning, direction and purpose.
A Christian relationship filled with sensuality is also the ultimate display of appreciation to God. Living day to day and just "managing to make it to Church" certainly doesn't cut the mustard for the true Christianity practice of a fulfilling, sensuous, life, celebrating God.
Secondly I will stress the importance of intimacy towards one another and that in order to truly practice Christian sensuality they must be passionate, alive, and intimate towards one another. They have a duty, I explain, to live up to the high pillars of Christian living and to do that requires nothing less than celebrating the bond between one another with Christianity serving as their base. In other words, set aside time to become intimate and practice intimacy frequently!
Thirdly, to make sure they can take home and practice that which I've been preaching, I recommend that they read specific Christian based manuals which they can use to begin their path towards a more sensual Christian relationship. There are several techniques and tips available to increase variety, maintain safety, and create time for intimacy. Learning new and exciting intimacy techniques leads to a more sensually pleasing relationship and ensures a strong and solid marriage.

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Divorce Marriage - Love Between Two Hearts

Marriage is a blessed institution that unites two hearts and is found in every culture. We often say that someone somewhere is made for you and on the day of marriage you feel that he or she is the one you had been waiting for all your life. But soon after days of entering into marriage, it may be quite shocking to find out that due to lack of understanding, mental compatibility, your partner and you are moving apart. Then your much-awaited life collapses like a pack of cards and may sometimes lead to divorce.
Many divorcees believe that they are doomed to a single, loveless life. To make situations worse, some of them might experience constant threats and emotional blackmails from their ex-partners. Moreover, society might interfere in their matters, seeking reasons for divorce, new relationships after divorce and hints of extra marital affairs. In this situation most divorcees may consider the idea of a remarriage, also term as  Divorced marriage  fixes the love between two hearts that has been thrown out of the institution of marriage. There are also instances where one partner has been a divorcee and the other unmarried. However, shadows of the past will fail to haunt as long as divorce marriage is well planned and thought of. The first and foremost factor that must be considered in divorce marriage is the children from the previous marriage.
Even if the concerned person is not the custodial parent of the child and whatever their age, children must be informed about divorce marriage of their parent. The would-be step-parent must establish a healthy relationship with the children for a successful remarried life. The prospective partners should express their concerns if any about each other's relationship with their ex, relationship with ex in-laws, or their family's relationship with the ex and so on. The prospective partners must voice their thoughts about their new partner making child support payments (alimony). Even if the ex-partners threaten or blackmail the couple, the current couple must be able to give each other emotional support. If all these aspects work well for you, you can ring the bells of divorce marriage. You must announce your divorce marriage first to your parents followed by your ex. You can ask your parents to announce your remarriage to the guests. Avoid inviting your former in-laws and ex-spouse even if you are in good terms with them. They may become melancholy, and some guests may feel awkward around them. A religious ceremony is more appropriate to conduct your divorce marriage followed by a legal matrimony.
You should not cut short the ceremony you long for, only because this is your  divorce marriage.  You can personalize your divorce marriage with a large formal wedding with attendants, announcement in paper, bridal showers, selected costumes and splendid dinners. You must include your children in the ceremonies and can even ask them to be by your side.

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Midlife Marriage - Love It Or Leave It?

In the U.S., in 2000, the most recent year for which good data is available, the most-divorced age groups were men and women between the ages of 45 and 54 years old. Almost 15% of men and 18% of women in that age group were divorced. About another 2.4% of men and 3.1% of women were separated. The groups on either side - 35 to 44 and 55-64 - were tied for second highest in both separated and divorced categories. As these figures show, midlife divorce has become a startling trend.
Americans Are Not Alone
In Canada, the weekly magazine Mclean's recently reported a similar surge in midlife divorces. Between 1993 and 2003, the latest year for which statistics are available, the country's overall divorce rate fell by more than 11%. However, divorce among 50-54 year olds rose 34%, 55-59 year olds jumped 47.8%, 60-64 year olds increased 31.7%, and 65+ years of age increased 9.2%.
Statistics in the UK reflect a similar trend. While the overall number of divorces per 1,000 married people increased 2.4% from 2000 to late 2005, for ages 35-44 the divorce rate rose 12.9% (to almost 22 divorces per 1,000 married people), and for ages 45+ the divorce rate climbed 19.2% (to 6.2 per 1,000).
No country has been more galvanized by midlife and later divorce than Japan. The number of divorces among couples married for 20 years or more hit 42,000 in 2004, double those recorded in 1985.
What happened between "I do" and "I don't anymore"?
Triggers of the unraveling marital bond at midlife are varied and many:
o Shift in social attitude toward marriage and divorce, and the legal ease of getting a divorce.
o Increased longevity and attention to personal happiness. At 45, people are now facing another 40 years with their spouse rather than 20 or so a few generations ago. They don't want to spend decades more in misery.
o Financial independence of women due to successful careers. Economic affluence provides self-assurance and fewer fears about going it alone.
o Children have flown the coupe. Couples who "stayed together for the sake of the kids" now have the freedom they've been waiting for to split.
o Onset of "double menopause." For both men and women, passage into midlife can stir an emotional rollercoaster. Spouses simultaneously struggling with aging may take out their inner turmoil on each other in the form of resentment, frustration and rejection.
o Verbal, physical or emotional abuse, differences in values and lifestyles, cheating, and alcohol or drug abuse.
Emotional and Economic Effects of Divorce
Those who think divorce will provide "relief," should consider the potential pain, too.
Healthwise, the stress of divorce diminishes effectiveness of the immune system and therefore, increases illness. Headaches, back pain and arthritis are more prevalent. Entry back into the dating scene and pursuance of multiple sex partners heightens risk of sexually-transmitted diseases. The emotional devastation increases the likelihood of psychological disorders, such as depression, and drug and alcohol abuse.
Divorce, job loss and illness top the list as the most common causes of personal bankruptcy, with divorce often being the catalyst of the other two. Divorce can disrupt the job productivity of an individual for years. Higher absenteeism and presenteeism (being physically there, but mentally checked out), poor morale and moodiness, and inability to focus contribute to work problems. Interruptions due to meetings with attorneys, court dates, relocation, and the like, also hamper functioning.
The financial bill is also hefty. The average cost of divorce in the U.S. is estimated by Forbes to be $15,000 to $30,000. Court fees can add $25,000 for a two-day trial. A study by Ohio State University's Center for Human Resource Research found that divorce reduces a person's wealth by 77% compared to that of a single person.
Marriage Resuscitation
Today's "the couple next door got divorced so it must be OK" mentality leads many others to conclude that ditching their union is the only choice. Contrary to perception, marriage resuscitation at midlife is a viable option. For a couple whose marriage has hit this juncture, the following eight pointers will help get the process underway:
1. Accept that neither of you are exactly the same person as when you married. Experiences and events change us. Attempting to recapture what once was is futile. The relationship, much like a faltering business, has to be restructured to meet each other's needs today.
2. Get to know each other again. In the busyness of life, spouses forget to focus on each other. Jobs, professional commitments, community activities and other obligations pull couples apart. To counter the tug-of-war, just as you schedule meetings for these responsibilities, make appointments to be together and re-connect.
3. Look in a mirror. Would you marry you? When a relationship hits the skids, natural inclination is to blame the other person. Instead, take a good, hard look at yourself. Do you still make an effort to look attractive (not to be confused with being skinny)? Are you proud of who you are? Do you have a healthy sense of self-worth? If you can't answer "yes" to these questions, there's work to be done.
4. Peel back arguments to identify their roots and modify how you handle your differences. When a dispute is stripped down to its core, it's often discovered that the squabble was precipitated due to one spouse possessing a "strength" where the other has a "weakness." The person with the strength has more knowledge, information, experience, skill/talent or education than his/her mate on the subject of the disagreement. A strength pit against a weakness turns into a fight. Rather than function in opposition, re-program yourselves to "blend" your differences.
5. Don't stick to the same old patterns, routines and habits. Predictability causes monotony. Sit down together and list the boring "stuff." Then brainstorm new ways to do those things, creating a new list to spice up the relationship.
6. Create a "couple" tradition. "Family" traditions are commonplace, but what about traditions for just the two of you? Traditions can add excitement to a relationship, serve as an anchor, and provide "glue" for the union to remain sturdy when the going gets rough. Establish one or more traditions to make your relationship special year after year.
7. Love the one your with. Observations at the office, gym, social outings and elsewhere may lead you to believe that others are having all the fun. Don't be fooled. How many times have you seen the couple who seemed to "have it all" wind up in divorce court? Rather than wallow, devote mental energy to rekindling the romance between you and your mate.
8. If you seek professional help, do so with a positive attitude. For marriage counseling to have a chance of success, a couple must start with the proper outlook. Think "How can we revitalize our marriage?" not "Should we get a divorce?"
Taking action to transform a marriage that has fizzled into a renewed source of joy and pleasure requires time and patience. In the process, each spouse is likely to discover incredible strengths within themselves and the relationship. With steadfastness and perseverance, there's high probability that a couple will come out of the journey amazed to have opened a new world of opportunities with their marriage not only intact, but better than ever.

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Love And Marriage, Love Is Not Enough

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, but not the complete structure, it is too much yielding. Many of us live our lives believing that everything will fall into place once we have met before like pieces of jigsaw puzzle even on modern working mothers. Do not get me wrong anyway, and I am not absolutely against marriage. It is just today as we look at marriages surrounding us, the uncomfortable feeling that marriage is no longer the sacred institution as our ancestors used to be in olden days. The rate of divorce is getting up, extra marital affairs on the rise while married couples not on speaking term to each other over a trivial row. Where has the love gone to?
Love is a basic psychological need, feeling that you genuinely important to someone else who really bother to understand and caring. Feeling that at least there is somebody who care and worried if you don't return home at night. But there are other needs to take into consideration as well, like a sense of worth, security, getting to do what you want.
I believe it begins from within among ourselves. Before we can even contemplate living with another person, first of all we have to know and understand our needs. We need to have love and compassion for ourselves despite our own human faults, to be clear about our values and principles in life. Identify the weakness and self miserable habits that we want to change. We are not seeking to be perfect but somehow or rather like ourselves be respected. Trust me it is not that easy to change. Once you take the trouble to listen to yourself and take time to determine your guiding principles, it is a start of your journey towards joy and happiness.
The most common reason why marriages doesn't work and failed is that the individual has not really taken enough time to determine the course of life she wants to take before settling down. Many getting married because it's time to get married, or the other person just happen to come along.
Now that you have understand that you have to learn another person you are considering to spend the rest of your life with.Loving is not just about caring each other deeply, but it is over all and understanding. Nobody is perfect but sometimes we have to learn to accept it. Certainly not with the hope of gradually changing that person totally and that is the greatest mistake. Marriage is not really a 50-50 proposition, is just like a gambling.
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only what you are expecting to give and offer with everything. By the way what will you receive in return varies. It really has no connection with what you have already given. If you are lucky you can be loved in return, but it doesn't happen too often.
Love yourself first before you others but you can't love without giving. But when come to the basic the greatest love of all is to love yourself. Do not live your life primarily to please others, to sacrifice for someone else's sake, out of guilt, obligation and fear. And in the process, feel like to destroy your own respect. Love yourself first and love for other will follow. Meanwhile continue to dream of loving one who loves and admires us.

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Your Marriage - Love Will Keep it Interesting

Marriage is tough. Anyone who thinks otherwise is living a fairy tale. It takes a lot to overcome the challenges that life throws at married couples. Money. Children. Sickness and the ins and outs of everyday living bring stress into the picture.
Even the task of living together it trying. Your life now has the good and bad habits of the significant other. Your new partner in a slob or a neat freak. One partner spends too much time primping, or he watches too much television or someone spends hours on the internet or one is a cell phone addict. All of these habits will place untold stress on the marriage. So what do you do to overcome these problems and live happily together?
My wife and I have been married for fifty two years. We can narrow our ability to stay happily married to three things.

• The word love. Love is power. Without it marriage will not survive. If you do not truly love each other you will certainly not be happy and probably separate. Love each other as if nothing else matters in life. Get rid of the bad habit of growing used to each others presence. When you greet in the morning, greet him or her as you did when you first met. Hugs and kisses are priceless. Tell the person you married you love him or her every day at least three times.
• Holding hands. Remember when you were first dating. Holding hands felt great did it not? Why did you quit? My wife and I hold hands while we walk, when we watch television and while we drop off to sleep. If you have marriage problems, holding hands will help to solve them.
• Turn off the television. Did you ever notice that when you turn it off you look for something to say to each other. The TV is hypnotic. Try shutting it down and learning to converse with the person you love again. At first it is hard to find something to talk about but soon the conversation will lead to your interests. Ask about his or her hobby or sport.

Practice these three items and you will reap the benefits long term.

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Marriage - Love & Marriage - How to Have a Successful & Happy Marriage

When people first get married they usually expect their love and commitment to last for a lifetime. Unfortunately, for at least half of all couples it doesn't. What happens? Soon after marriage couples discover that the bliss of falling in love quickly fades. They no longer see each other through rose colored glasses. The ease with which they once overlooked each other's faults becomes much more difficult.
With married life, couples begin to encounter new challenges, roles and responsibilities. Conflicts arise and sometimes go unresolved. Tensions build. Commitments weaken. Mutual respect isn't always present. And, unconditional love and acceptance do not always last. So how do you build a strong marriage that can withstand the onslaughts of life's challenges?
No one ever said that marriage is easy. Marriage is hard work. To keep a marriage strong, satisfying and lasting requires a great deal of investment. It takes time and energy to get to know and understand your spouse; to set goals and share dreams together; and to have fun and enjoy each other. Couples sometimes lose touch with each other and grow apart when they get lax and don't work on their marriage. Yet when they do, they are much more likely to feel very close and deeply cared for by their partner.
Couples who invest in their marriages can build deep friendships. Researchers have found that the level of a couple's friendship is the greatest indicator of success in marriage. Couples who are close and are best friends have more happiness and satisfaction in their lives. Best friends are trustworthy, safe, understanding, loving, accepting and respectful. Best friends are a strong buffer in times of trouble. You can count on them. They are supportive and faithful. Best friends can work through conflicts and pressures that threaten the relationship. Best friends do not give up on each other. They forgive. They share.
You may have been your spouse's partner and lover, but have you been your spouse's best friend? If your marriage is not all that you would like it to be and you want to begin investing more into your marriage to make it better, why not begin with your friendship. You may likely find that it is one of the greatest investments you will ever make.

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Marriage, Love And How It Should Be To Save Your Marriage

Is divorce in your thoughts? It is a drastic step and you really need to be sure before you take it; but what if you can save your marriage? Are you still open to those kinds of ideas?
Everyone wants a good marriage but how can you turn a marriage around? Even if your partner is not yet in with the plan there are things that you can do. Begin today and do things that will improve your life together.
What Does It Take To Build A Happy Marriage?
You need honest communications. If you don't talk to each other how can you expect to rebuild what you once had? Perhaps the biggest thing is the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is the reset button on a marriage. You also need a willingness to make time for each other. Time and time together is the material that a relationship is built on. You also need acceptance. With acceptance you don't need to change every little thing about your spouse, rather you accept who they are. Finally Love. Earlier I said that time was the material that a relationship was built on. That should be time and love. Love is the intangible part, the feelings that you hold for your spouse.
Treating Your Spouse The Right Way
After years of marriage we tend to fall into certain ways of treating our spouse. It is hard to remember how we really should treat them and what we are doing may not be good. It is time to take a look at what is going on. Do we support them in things that are important to them. Do we talk respectfully with them? Do they talk respectfully to us? Perhaps you had a bad role model in that your father teased your mother inappropriately. It is time to break through that and analyse what your actions are causing.
If you are not treating your spouse appropriately how can you expect them to treat you with respect. Love is doing the best thing possible for the person you love whether or not it is reciprocated. So if you are not getting the treatment you deserve check out what you are dishing out. Change, change the way you treat your spouse. Soon you will get back the love that you are giving.
These ideas can fundamentally change your marriage for the better. You can use them and think about them until your thoughts are clear and you learn to treat your spouse in a consistent loving manner.

If you want to save your marriage you need to understand how to treat your spouse. Most of us never give it a second thought. But this person you once said was the most important person in the world to you. It is time to look again and save your marriage [http://themagicofmakingupfast.com]. Visit [http://themagicofmakingupfast.com] and learn more.