Marriage Problems - 10 Common Causes of Marital Conflicts, Stress, and Disharmony

There is no shortage of jokes about unhappy marriages; mostly because nothing is funnier than the truth and there is no shortage of unhappy marriages. And when you consider that more than half of the people who get married end-up divorced, you have to wonder what we're doing wrong. Why can't we just get along? Well, knowledge is power; and when you know something is causing a problem, you have a much better chance of learning to deal with it in such a way that it doesn't cause problems. Ignorance, in this case, is not bliss. You may simply think that stress is a natural part of life, and the way you deal with common problems is the best or only way to deal with them. In both cases, you'd be wrong; and until you start to look at the causes for marital conflict and asking yourself how you're currently dealing with them, and how you could better deal with them, you're relationship probably won't improve much. Here's a list of common sources of marital stress and conflict; consider how you are currently dealing with these issues, and how you could better deal with these issues:
1. Money - most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues.
2. Kids - discipline, diet, and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples.
3. Sex - frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony.
4. Schedules - time apart and a lack of quality time together serves to get people out of harmony.
5. Chores - many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it.
6. Friends - not all friends are helpful to relationships - some of them are poisonous.
7. Habits - many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable.
8. Family - in-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage.
9. Expectations - judgments and unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.
10. Personality conflicts - if you don't like something about your partner, one of you must change.
You may recognize one or more of these areas as an area of stress in your life and relationship. Each of these is a very common source of marital discord; but they are also areas of opportunity - opportunities for learning, growth, and harmony or chaos, stress, and misery. The choice is yours; but don't simply assume that your marriage is broken, or your partner is broken, and you're dealing with these issues in the best possible way. Assume that you may be able to let-go of an opinion, judgment, expectation, or belief that could create harmony in any of these areas where you are experiencing friction, and your partner and marriage will be just fine when you get it figured out. Would you be willing to change the way you look at one or all of these issues, or is it easier and more convenient to simply change partners or relationships? Think about it; and then find a way to be okay with the things in your life and relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1700017

How to Fix a Broken Marriage - Save Marriage Tips

Is your marriage broken and heading for divorce? Well I can help you fix that. If BOTH you and your partner are willing to solve your conflicts and work through your problems. No one said marriage would be an easy ride. Sometimes we're led to believe that marriage is easy. Those Hollywood movies make marriages look like fairy tales. But in reality it takes a lot of hard work from both the husband and wife to create a happy marriage. In this article I'm going to provide you with some tips that will help you fix your broken marriage.
Tip #1: Analyze what went wrong. What has caused your marriage to end up like this? You need to identify the root problem. Once you know what it is. You need to fix it. Don't blame your partner. Take steps to solve the problem.
Tip #2: Saying sorry and admit when you're in the wrong. If you have caused an argument, then you are at fault, and you should apologise for it. You shouldn't be blaming your partner for the mistakes that you have made. Admit you've made mistakes, apologise, and take steps to ensure those mistakes are not made again.
Tip #3: Effective communication is key. Too many married couples aren't communicating effectively. Talking about what you're going to watch on TV isn't effective communication. Sharing your feelings and telling each other how your day went IS effective communication.
If you use the above tips, you can take steps towards fixing your broken marriage. And only after you've implemented the tips can you start to have unconditional love for each other. If your situation is beyond the point of being fixed by simple tips. I recommend you seek marriage counselling. Or you can pick up a self help book that you can both read and implement. Good luck.

Tips to Save a Marriage - How to Handle Conflict and Avoid Divorce

When a marriage that was once strong, begins to fall apart, there is no doubt that it is a really tough time for the couple involved. Feelings of frustration, guilt, resentment and anger are commonplace, and conflict between the two of you is inevitable. However it is what you do from here on in that will determine whether or not you can save your relationship. Learning how to handle conflict and turn it in to a positive, can be the make or break of your marriage. So with this in mind here are some top save marriage tips on conflict resolution that you really need to know!
Never get angry
This is probably the most important rule of all when looking at conflict resolution. If you are angry when confronting your spouse, then this has several effects. Firstly it will cloud your thinking ability. You need to be thinking rationally in a conflict situation and being angry will stop you from doing this. Secondly it will immediately put your partner on the defensive, and this is not what you are trying to achieve. Thirdly being angry will hinder you from communicating your thoughts and feelings clearly. How many times have we entered an argument only to blurt out stuff that we really did not mean. If you feel yourself getting angry, then take time out to calm down, and walk away. It is imperative that you are rational and calm because if you can do this, then you have a much better chance of getting an agreed outcome that both of you are happy with.
Compromise and common ground
Another great save marriage tip is to always be prepared to compromise. You and your partner are different people and you are not always going to see eye to eye, so if you can find common ground when trying to resolve an argument then you will both be able to move on without one party feeling that they have been battered into submission. It also shows your partner that you respect their feelings and wishes and are prepared to take them into consideration.
Try to avoid blatant statements
Sometimes when faced with a conflict situation it is all too easy to make blatant statements, such as "you never do this" or "you always do that" all this does is put your partner immediately on the defensive. If you can turn this around by saying "I feel that you often do this" or "I feel that you do that a lot" then you are still getting your point of view across, but it doesn' t sound so extreme.
Using just these simple points are important save marriage tips when faced with a conflict situation. If you can learn to master these then you and your partner will go some way towards getting your marriage back on track. However handling conflict is only one part of the bigger picture of trying to save your marriage, as there may well be more deep routed problems that are causing your relationship breakdown. It can be totally frustrating when you want to do everything that you can to fix your relationship but you don' t know where to turn. You can try marriage guidance and this can and often does work,but only if both parties are willing. More and more people are turning to the internet to seek help and advice on saving marriage but you need to know where to look.

In order for you to get all the tools necessary for rebuilding your marriage I have trawled the internet and have found some of the best marriage saving e-books on the market. These are written by professionals who have helped thousands of couples like you turn their marriages around, some from almost impossible situations. So if you are not ready to quit on your relationship and want to fight to save your marriage then you really need to visit [http://www.marriagefixer.info/] it could change your life!

Love Is Loss - And Other Lies From Modern Culture

I love our house. I loved it from the moment I saw it online. If there was such a thing as "love at first sight," it would apply to me with this house. It's the house I've been dreaming about my whole life and when we drove up into the driveway for the first time I said to my husband, "I'll do anything for this house." It's not perfect, but it's perfect for us, and not a day goes by without whispering prayers of gratitude for the blessing of living here.
There was a period of time when we thought we weren't going to be able to stay here, and I'll tell you, I've never loved the house so much as during that stage. The pain of my love and potential loss was so searing that it sent my gratitude and appreciation into almost ecstatic overload. Everywhere I looked I saw a memory and a slice of beauty, and my heart broke at the thought that we might have to leave it behind. I was able to keep the anticipatory grief in perspective (we have our health and a loving family, that's what matters most), but I still felt grieved... and more in love with this house than ever.
If you're in the throes of engagement anxiety and plagued by questions like, "Do I love him/her enough? Am I really in love?" I hope you're making the parallels between my degree of love = potential loss story and your love story. We live in a culture that promotes the belief that drama equals love, and without the drama - which essentially means you're not quite sure if the other person is really in the relationship - you're conditioned not to feel passion. Here's the romantic theology of our culture (kind of like a geometry proof):
Love equals passion
Passion equals uncertainty
Uncertainty equals drama
Drama equals possibility of loss
Possibility of loss equals love
It's only in retrospect when my appreciation is dulled (still there but missing that sheen of ecstatic clarity) that I realize what I was experiencing during those few months. Without the threat of loss looming forefront in my awareness, I have to make a concerted effort to see and appreciate where we live. It's exactly as my clients describe: "I'm taking him for granted. I've always known that the relationship was solid but it was only after he proposed and I knew with certainty that he wasn't going anywhere that I started questioning if this is what I really want. It's like as long as there was an element of uncertainty, no matter how small, it satisfied that place in me that needs the mystery or the possibility of loss to feel in love."
It's not easy but it's entirely possible and essential to re-condition yourself to accept and appreciate what real love is about. Real love is stable, consistent, and reliable. Real love is not about drama and mystery; it's about the here and now. Sometimes it's boring. Sometimes it's exciting. And it takes real effort to keep your appreciation and gratitude alive, to nurture yourself in ways that fuel your own sense of passion, and to see your partner through fresh eyes so that you can embrace the real - and wonderful - love that is right before you.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5520769

Trust and Love: How They Are Connected

I wish to discuss two words: Trust and Love. Both seem appropriate in light of the recent unfortunate events. Here are two questions for you to consider. Is Trust given or is it earned? And second, Is Love given or earned? And since I have two questions, I must confess to a third. What is the connection between Trust and Love?
Once we have answered the first question, we may then say it serves as the pinion for love, the basis, the rock upon which love is built. And there is no doubt, that's what the world needs now.
So, what does it mean to Trust? To Love? The issue goes back to the beginning of time. In Christianity, the first Adam trusted Eve. He had no reason not to trust her. Sampson had no reason not to trust Delilah. Caesar, though warned to beware of the Ides of March, had no reason to mistrust Brutus. Each found their trust betrayed. What happens when trust is betrayed? Love files out the window.
To love, one must trust that the other is going to promote their well being and happiness. Violate trust and love is lost, perhaps never to return. If it does, it may not be on the same secure footing as before. How do you get it back? Earn it? Yes! You have to make regular installments just as you would in your bank account. And then maybe, when the account has been active for awhile, trust may return. If it does, it will be in the name of love. It is trust that engenders harmony and peace; it is trust that engenders that love that each human being seeks.
Dr. Robert Frey reminds us that we must do all we can do to create a love-based reality. In doing so, we must realize it is a 'moment to moment affair.' So, how does one love? First let's see if we can arrive at a working definition. I love chocolate, the Mariners, mystery novels. I love my pet. Love, Love, Love. And not one ounce of understanding. The word, Love, has been so overused it has become nearly vacuous. So how do we take something that has nearly lost its meaning and give it back? This question is really no different than the question about trust.
Trust is given. Love is given.. Do you give trust with conditions? Only if it has been violated. Is it necessary to read the fine print to know if you are trusted? Isn't that what prenuptial agreements or pre-assigned responsibilities within a relationship are-fine print conditions?
The musical muses tell us that 'love is a many-splendored thing.' We are told 'love is what makes the world go around,' and we are told that 'love is the greatest thing.' Yet, do we all not put restrictions on its natural flow? Do we not have reservations because love is an unconditional commitment? After all, isn't conditional love something that can be turned on and off? A conditioned love requires that one of the partners is to do something that pleases the other. On the simplest level, a child picks up its toy from the floor because its mother says "How sweet. I love you, honey." The message conveyed by such behavior is that one must earn love. People who are perfectionists and those who are people pleasers most likely have experienced love conditionally and have never really felt love. They have not experienced that unconditional commitment. What a box!
Dare I ask commitment to what? To faith that love will be returned? In Christianity, one is reminded that "faith to move mountains" is worthless without love. We are told that even philanthropy without love is lacking in spirituality. In Love, we give to others. That is the essence of philanthropy; it is the essence of faith and it should be the basis for our interaction with each other. When one loves, there has been a choice-an expressed desire made for the happiness of someone else. That we call benevolence. The commitment then, is to a personal behavior that reflects benevolence.
Do not confuse benevolence with altruism. Altruism dictates that you sacrifice yourself for the benefit of others; that is, their needs claim your actions and behavior and even your life. If I may borrow a term from today's computer jargon, benevolence enables; it enables you to achieve your value from relationships with other people. Benevolence does not rest upon the misfortunes of others; whereas, altruism seems to be directed by that fact. The simple act of giving someone the benefit of the doubt creates an avenue for benevolent behavior, the opportunity to demonstrate the value of unconditional love. When that love is a commitment to a personal behavior that derives value from life itself, from interaction with others, and with society as a whole, then you are benevolent. Matthew Fox has said, "Compassion is not a moral commandment but a flow and overflow of the fullest human and divine energies." That's benevolence.
If a man wants to build a house, he uses wood. He must also provide hollow space within that house; empty of wood thus both wood and the absence of wood are required to build that house. Building a loving relationship is similar. The builder of Love must bring values (the wood) and time (the space) to the relationship. To do otherwise results in a house built of sand. You cannot be as the shifting stand if you want a loving, personal, and lasting relationship. If you are, there is no permanence. It will have slipped between your fingers before you had a chance to grasp it, to taste it, to savor its delicacy.
The late syndicated columnist Jim Bishop wrote an inspiring essay called Love Something Apart. In it, he states, 'Love is giving. It is the unification of two persons into one. It is possession and being possessed. But it is also jealousy, hostility, insecurity, and despair. It is the only thing which must be resurrected every day.' Trust is applied here because one trusts that there will be a resurrection. Love allows us to experience life and to connect in a positive way. Denying the existence and the experience of love, choosing not to practice it, denies your divinity. And that is the sin! Denying your spirituality; a damnation of all that is divine.
Buddhist tell us to pay careful attention to the other person, to listen for what is actually being said so that we can recognize the source of what is being felt. If you do that, you can respond with care, and compassion. And isn't that benevolence? And isn't that Love? Of course it is. But at the same time, it is so much more. It is the total and complete recognition of the divine in all life. Swami Vivekananda has written, 'real existence, real knowledge, and real love are eternally connected with one another, the three in one; where one of them is, the others must be.'
We make the mistake in loving the wrong way. A man, for example, loves his wife. He wants her with him at all times, to sit by him at social functions, to eat with him, to walk with him. He calls her several times a day from his place of work. This makes him a slave to her existence. This is not love. Love would set her free to be all that she could be. And if she, in turn loves him, she would help him cut the umbilical cord he has fastened to her. It is, after all a mutual thing. Every act of love should bring happiness and joy if not a sense of wonderment. In real love, love does not deliberately cause pain or suffering. If it does, there has been a corruption.
In closing I wish to leave with you a little piece a friend shared with me. It's author is unknown. It's titled The Essence of Compassion. "Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the starving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong-because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9034765

The Cleveland Cavaliers: 7 Ways Basketball and Relationships Are the Same!

The love story between the Cleveland Cavaliers and its star player is amazing, yet full of ups and downs.
Over these three years, there were a lot of situations that could have caused them to give up and go onto something else, but they pressed on to become the 2016 NBA champions.
If you want to win in your relationships, you can learn a lot from the Cleveland Cavs.
Their journey is very similar to how relationships can be in many cases, and here's how:
1) The Big Break Up. Many years ago, the star player chose to leave Cleveland to try something new. At times in our relationships, we fall out with the one we love. We tend to walk away in hopes of finding something better. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
2) Humility. In order for the team to work, the star player had to humble himself and make the decision to come back to a team he had left many years before. When you're in a relationship, humility is a must. You must be willing to admit when you're wrong and at times say sorry even when you feel you were right.
3) There was chemistry. For a relationship to work, everyone must regroup and be able to play their part on a consistent basis, or the relationship will not work out.
4) Hurt and pain. During this journey to the championship, there were hurtful and painful situations that rendered many of its players useless at times due to injuries. Relationships can come with the pain of betrayal, hurtful words, misunderstandings, and many other things that can knock you down and cause you not to play or perform at your fullest potential.
5) Required Time and Patience. In order for them to win this championship, the Cavs needed time. The first year was a time of getting together and getting to know one another. The second year, they made it to the finals, but no championship. After the third try they made it. Relationships are the same way. It takes time to get to know a person. Everything doesn't come together all at once, so patience is required.
6) Passion. The question is "How bad do you want it to work?" The Cleveland Cavs had a passion to win. Despite all of their setbacks and their 3-1 deficit during the finals, they were passionate about the game of basketball and winning the championship. In a relationship, you must be passionate enough about the person and the relationship for it to work. You can't become selfish and self-centered or you will miss out on the opportunity to become a champion.
7) Hard work. Nothing worth value comes without hard work. The Cavs worked hard for this championship, and they won! If you want your relationships to succeed, you must be willing to put in the work. It won't come by saying you want it to work. Nor will it come from passion alone. You must do your part to make the relationship work.
Like basketball, relationships are complicated and require a lot of time, effort, and energy. The Cavs wanted to win the championship and they put forth the effort they needed over time for it to work. Each person played their part and they earned the right to become champions.
The question is will you see your relationship like a basketball champion and do what you need for it to work? Or will you give up and make excuses because you didn't win?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9448269

The love story between the Cleveland Cavaliers and its star player is amazing, yet full of ups and downs.
Over these three years, there were a lot of situations that could have caused them to give up and go onto something else, but they pressed on to become the 2016 NBA champions.
If you want to win in your relationships, you can learn a lot from the Cleveland Cavs.
Their journey is very similar to how relationships can be in many cases, and here's how:
1) The Big Break Up. Many years ago, the star player chose to leave Cleveland to try something new. At times in our relationships, we fall out with the one we love. We tend to walk away in hopes of finding something better. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
2) Humility. In order for the team to work, the star player had to humble himself and make the decision to come back to a team he had left many years before. When you're in a relationship, humility is a must. You must be willing to admit when you're wrong and at times say sorry even when you feel you were right.
3) There was chemistry. For a relationship to work, everyone must regroup and be able to play their part on a consistent basis, or the relationship will not work out.
4) Hurt and pain. During this journey to the championship, there were hurtful and painful situations that rendered many of its players useless at times due to injuries. Relationships can come with the pain of betrayal, hurtful words, misunderstandings, and many other things that can knock you down and cause you not to play or perform at your fullest potential.
5) Required Time and Patience. In order for them to win this championship, the Cavs needed time. The first year was a time of getting together and getting to know one another. The second year, they made it to the finals, but no championship. After the third try they made it. Relationships are the same way. It takes time to get to know a person. Everything doesn't come together all at once, so patience is required.
6) Passion. The question is "How bad do you want it to work?" The Cleveland Cavs had a passion to win. Despite all of their setbacks and their 3-1 deficit during the finals, they were passionate about the game of basketball and winning the championship. In a relationship, you must be passionate enough about the person and the relationship for it to work. You can't become selfish and self-centered or you will miss out on the opportunity to become a champion.
7) Hard work. Nothing worth value comes without hard work. The Cavs worked hard for this championship, and they won! If you want your relationships to succeed, you must be willing to put in the work. It won't come by saying you want it to work. Nor will it come from passion alone. You must do your part to make the relationship work.
Like basketball, relationships are complicated and require a lot of time, effort, and energy. The Cavs wanted to win the championship and they put forth the effort they needed over time for it to work. Each person played their part and they earned the right to become champions.
The question is will you see your relationship like a basketball champion and do what you need for it to work? Or will you give up and make excuses because you didn't win?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9448269

You Want A Relationship, But Are You Emotionally Unavailable?

Do you believe that you are fully available for a relationship and that you have just not met the right person? Or, do you find yourself in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable or isn't in love with you, and you're convinced you are available for the relationship?
Yvette, who is in that situation, wrote the following to me:
"I am in love with a man, who is my friend, and who is not attracted to me in a sexual way. His rejection in this respect causes me great pain and sadness. It is very difficult for me to let go of the expectations and hopes that he might love me and want me in this particular way. I am afraid that these expectations and my pain might ruin this friendship. I would like to get rid of the expectations that he might fall in love with me, but I don't know how. I would like to accept this situation as it is. I am also horribly jealous if he shows interest in other girls."
While I'm certain that Yvette believes she is available for a relationship, it's very likely that she is emotionally unavailable. If she were emotionally available, she wouldn't continue to hold the expectation that an emotionally unavailable man will fall in love with her. As long as he is unavailable, it's easy for her to believe she is in love with him. But it's highly likely that if he were available, she would not be 'in love' with him. The fact that she is 'horribly jealous if he shows interest in other girls'" indicates that it is her wounded self who believes she is in love, and the wounded self is incapable of love. Jealousy isn't a part of love, because when we love someone, we want them to be happy - even if it means with someone else.
When you are truly available, you don't continue a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. However, if you have fears of commitment and intimacy, then, to protect yourself from your fears, you might attach to someone who is emotionally unavailable. If you find yourself, over and over, attracting unavailable people, then you might want to question your own availability. You might want to deeply explore your fears of intimacy and commitment.
As painful as it is to Yvette to want someone who doesn't want her, this is a 'safe' relationship, in that she doesn't have to face her deeper fears. Perhaps she has a fear of engulfment - of losing herself in a relationship - and attaching to a man who doesn't want her sexually is a way of protecting against this fear. Perhaps she has a fear of rejection and she would rather deal with a rejection she knows rather than risk a rejection that isn't predictable. By being 'in love' with someone who is emotionally unavailable and already rejecting her, she doesn't need to deal with the uncertainty that she might fear. Perhaps the pain she knows is preferable to her than the pain she fears, should she be rejected by an available man.
If you believe that you have just not met the right person, perhaps you need to explore whether YOU are the right person! I've seen over and over that when a person does their inner bonding work to develop their loving adult self and heal their fears of rejection and engulfment, they begin to attract more available people.
As the Law of Attraction states, "Like attracts like," so when you are available, you are far more likely to attract available people, and you become uninterested in unavailable people. As I stated above, an available person does not hang around, waiting for an unavailable person to become available.
Learn how to attract the partner of your dreams! Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Attracting your Beloved: A 30-Day At-home Experience to Learn How to Attract the Love of your Life."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9366882

Modern Partnership Vow "To Not Suffocate My Truth"

Do you find yourself programmed to believe relationships are meant to last forever? Are you in a romantic partnership following the "Till death do us part" vows? What happens when one or both individuals have a shift in values, sexual needs, or personal desires over a period of time?
Do we honor our initial promises to each other, pushing our needs aside, losing ourselves in an effort to hold onto that relationship as we know it? Or do we acknowledge these changes, lay the cards on the table and talk about how we can best support each other?
I believe, "relationship" is one of the highest forms of spiritual practice. Now, consider how many relationships you have at this time in your life. You have a relationship with your family members, friends, employers, lovers, and yourself. In each relationship you learn to give and receive... you find your growth edge.
Your growth edge is where you explore all the most intricate pieces of your being, and have an opportunity to learn the most extraordinary things about yourself.
What an incredible journey in life and love!
In our hearts we long for connection. We want to share life and ourselves with someone or others. We look for our soul mates to share emotional and physical intimacy with. Perhaps you have a relationship(s) like this where communication thrives and every touch ignites a pulse of passion. You share life alternating conversations, moments of absurd silliness, your life purpose is fueled and you both feel like royalty in your relationship castle.
Although relationships are not impervious to change, each connection is an exquisite gem that deserves devotion and honor. Change does not make relationships (or the individuals involved) bad. Nor is it an excuse to run away or hide your love in fear.
Death and life are cyclical. You, my friend change on a daily basis. It is essential to continue to cultivate your connection to yourself so that you are aware of these changes.
Within relationships with others (even best of relationships), one may lose sight of these changes. I want to share a great love story with you. It's not your typical knight on a white horse fairytale but it does involve magic, passion, and unconditional love.
Four years ago I met a beautiful man. Our first embrace was one where our bodies disappeared and our spirits soared through multi-dimensional realms...
I decided to attend a community gathering, and arrived solo - I love going out with myself and having freedom to explore on my own and people watch. It was not until I was leaving the event that we shared this embrace in the middle of the entry doorway. Traffic was blocked for a few moments as our spirits united through this connection. The words that came through once we released each other were, "why, thank you!!!" With a wide, heart filled smile. I would later discover he had been eyeing me throughout the night, wondering who I was.
This was the beginning of an extraordinary spiritual venture of love, passion, magic, soulful connection, and a getting to know each other and myself more than I had ever before. I was met on high levels of compassion, clear communication, spirituality, sex (OMG,YES! sex wild with abandon!) and the peace and care of a soft gentle heart.
Prior to this relationship journey my great work and service in the world was being a transformational seminar leader, entrepreneur, speaker on mindful relating, and teaching. Loving what I did was my solo primary partner, of course next to the relationship I had cultivated with myself. This divine union with my new love would eventually and joyfully become equal to my relationship with my work, which was a new experience in my world. The Love that this relationship was held in was exquisite; I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to swim in its ocean!
This ocean had its flow, changing tides, and trust me when I say it had its edges! That is the beauty of the relationship life force. Our souls are uniting and teaching each other for a brief moment in time. I do believe, when love is an ocean so vast to explore with another in the relationship paradigm, it is our duty to swim with eyes wide open to the growth opportunities that arise. Old insecurities and stories rise to the surface only to be acknowledged, loved and healed.
Another beautiful aspect of this relationship was that we had the presence and awareness to recognize change and truth. This is not always an easy experience, especially in such beautiful love stories and connections. Earlier in 2016, we acknowledged changes in our needs and questioned what our individual truth was at that time.
Perhaps you've experienced the following scenario in your own relationships or witnessed it in others. One partner does or says something that hurts the other. Anger and resentment come to the surface. Blame and shame are set in motion. Attempts to communicate fail and a break up ensues. I remember such relationships in my younger years. I was so caught up in my emotional upheaval without skills to know how to handle them.
Now, I know when this change of season begins, it is the perfect time to dive deeper into relationship as a spiritual practice. When both parties are emotionally mature, they take ownership for their own emotional states. A high level of communication skills and tools are required to work through challenging, edgy discussion. Creating a safe container to do so is the key.
There is a big difference in choosing to break up because things are scary or challenging and having an empowered realization of how much you love one another and have changed so much that you want the best for each other. Sometimes the best, means shifting the style of relationship you are currently sharing in.
This is called Conscious Transitioning or Uncoupling.
I am not here to say this is an easy process. It is quite the contrary, and may be the more challenging path compared to a typical separation. A multitude of emotions will erupt. They want to be acknowledged, expressed and loved into transformation. If we as humans ultimately want love and connection I am here to invite you to put down the fight and learn to cultivate a new empowered relationship with the pain and the pleasure of those emotions. In the long run it will be the most fulfilling and liberating path because we are honoring each other's truths.
Relationship itself is a profound life force that stands in its own sovereign space. You and your partner are also individual life forces that are whole and complete. Together you have birthed a unique threesome (if I may call it so). This is important to remember because the waves of emotions will be intense but they must be honored.
My own conscious transition with this beloved man whom I have shared life with for four years, was incredibly difficult. I had days where all I felt was anger and then there were days of grief and sadness which softened me allowing anger to let go of its tight grip. These emotions are not negative or bad; they are our teachers. However, they can become harmful when we project them onto our relationship and partner.
There were times I wanted to hate him, really hate him, yet I knew this was my sadness arguing with the reality of our circumstance.
There was an importance to feeling the hate and owning it because what was real was that we loved each other more than ever.
The only difference was that our truth had shifted. Seeing these emotions for what they were gave us the power and choice to lean into each other and our relationship and create a game plan to move forward. We spoke of conscious transitioning as a way to become closer to each other, a way to break the old the old conditioned ways of separation.
My partner and I had an amazing support system including a dear friend, and counsel for mediating our transition journey. We held a ceremony for sacred sharing. We made love for closure. We set intentions, stepping stones for the future that would allow us to maintain an extraordinary friendship, soul family, and have playdates that simply looked different. We both showed up with compassion during the mourning period and sought out support from a loving tribe and counsel.
What I've found in the traditional "Till death do us part" vows are unions that are no longer fulfilling when nature was ready to change its season. I recall my grandparents sleeping in separate beds during the entire period of my younger years. Were they happy? One would not know because things like that were not spoken of. Were they together because religion or society bonded them to that disempowering agreement?
What would life and relationships look like if we let go of those disempowering agreements? What if love and relationships never died but rather they were expressed continuously changed like the seasons, like nature.
Life gives way to death, death creates space for life.
Conscious Relationship Transitioning begins by continually asking ourselves what our current truth is.
What are your values, your present day needs, desires and feelings? What are your partners? Is one of you moving faster toward a devoted partnership and the other simply moving slower than you? Where are your needs and values in alignment, and where are they not?
If relationships are unconsciously maintained longer than a season is due, they may become dysfunctional and contain resentment, arguments, and pain.
Today I bow in honor of the life force I call "Relationship". To the experience of loving and being loved so profoundly so that I may continue to discover myself in extraordinary ways. I bow to my beloved partner who shares this journey of relating with me and who gracefully rides the currents of change with such presence and commitment.
Thank you for showing up in such a big way for yourself. I invite you to take the next step into cultivating that rich relationship with your body, mind and spirit. Today, ask yourself where you have held onto an old relationship story, scared of change and have suffocated yourself by doing so. Today, take one baby step toward doing things differently.

If this story touched your heart and spirit, you recognized this is your next step I would like to offer you a 30-minute complimentary personal power breakthrough consultation. Go to http://www.tziporahintimacy.com/contact-us/ to schedule NOW!

Chemistry Vs Commitment - Will Passion Die or Thrive?

With sexual chemistry, you come alive in the presence of another person. What if that person isn't your partner?
With a strong commitment, you protect your relationship from tempting threats that steal power and passion from your intimate connection.
Do you need to strengthen your commitment and chemistry with your partner?
Find out with this Love Test. Answer each question YES or NO.
Do I complain or criticize my partner's flaws, instead of complimenting their strengths?
Do I invest more energy and time in my work than I do with my partner?
Do my favorite activities exclude my partner?
Do I have erotic thoughts about someone outside of my relationship?
Do I avoid making love with my partner and deny us the benefits of sexual healing?
Do I talk negatively about my partner to others?
Does someone other than my partner lift my spirits and inspire my greatness?
Do I act moody or grumpy around my partner?
Do I place my needs ahead of my partner's and the needs of our relationship?
Do I feel that my partner can't make me happy?
How did you score?
Each YES reveals attitudes and actions that steal power and passion from your relationship.
Each YES reveals a weakness in your commitment to improve your interactions with your partner and create a life and relationship you love.
Each YES pounds a nail in the coffin of your dying relationship.
Each NO reveals attitudes and actions that spark chemistry with your partner and strengthen the commitment that keeps love alive for a lifetime.
Which attitudes and actions will you choose, if you want to build a life and relationship you love with your partner?
Do you see how your daily choices cause you to grow apart and let love die?
Do you care enough about your partner and your relationship to make daily choices that revive the sexual chemistry you've lost and restore happy, sexy love that lasts?
Relationship Success formula: Keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn't work.
Now you know how to improve your interactions with your partner by doing what works, even if they refuse to do this with you. Don't take my word for it. Prove it to yourself. Start doing what works every day to break out of dull, negative ruts that kill relationships and bring out the best in yourself, your beloved partner and your intimate connection.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9435316

20 Relationship Tips for Married People

1. When you married you promised to be the person to own your mate's heart and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. You chose your mate, never forget it, and never get lazy in your loving, never take your mate for granted.
2. Protect your own heart in the same way you committed to your mate. Love yourself fully with the same vigilance, because there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except your mate. Keep that space always as an open invitation to receive your mate. Refusing to let anyone or anything else to enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. Constant change is guaranteed to come, and in that, you will have to choose each other every day. You must take care of your mate's heart. Always aggressively win your mate's love as you did while courting.
4. Always see the best in your mate. Focus only on what it is you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love and you will know, without a doubt, that you are the most blessed person on earth to be married to this person.
5. Your job is to love your mate as is, and not try to fix them, with no expectation of ever seeing a change. If change happens, love the results of that change whether it is what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability of your own emotions. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that, your joy will spill over into your marriage and your love.
7. Only God can and will heal your past hurts and give you emotional rest when you give those hurts to Him. You were attracted to the mate you chose. Why? Because of being the best person suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds so that you could find healing and emotional rest. When healed this way you will no longer be triggered by your mate and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your mate to be who God intended them to be. When sad or upset, it is not your job to fix it. It is your job to hold your mate, to establish the feeling of importance, and to bring in a sense of OK-ness. When storms of change and emotions roll in, remain strong for your mate and give the assurance you are in this for the long haul. Listen to what is really being said and what is behind the words and emotions.
9. Be playful... don't take yourself so seriously. Laugh. And make your mate laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier... and is good medicine.
10. Learn each other's love languages and the specific ways your mate feels cherished and validated. Make it a priority each day to allow your mate to experience your love.
11. Be present. Time and focus are the most important assets to soul satisfaction. A cleared head makes room for the sense of oneness, oneness is the reason for marriage. Being fully available is gold.
12. Be willing to be carried away in the power of masculinity and the softness of feminism. Full trust dwells in the penetration to the deepest levels of the soul and the satisfying acceptance of the consuming and devouring affection.
13. Do not be an idiot... do not be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes as will your mate. You are not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be too stupid.
14. Give each other the space to develop their God-given individual gifts and talents. Becoming who you are is the space needed for renewal, centering, and you will find yourself singing new songs. Encourage each other in their gifts and talents.
15. Be vulnerable. You do not have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears, your feelings, your challenges, and be quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want their trust, you must be willing to share everything. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart to let your mate in. Part of courage in loving is to drop the mask of even the dark places then you will experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together. A stagnant pond breeds malaria; a flowing stream is always refreshing and delightful. Atrophy is the process when a muscle stops working, just like if you stop working on your marriage oneness.
18. Don't stress about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It disappears when teammates fight. Figure out together ways to leverage both person's strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the present rather than being a hostage to the emotional weight of the past. Holding onto past mistakes is like an anchor to the forward movement in your marriage. Forgiveness gives the freedom of a lifted anchor. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always, always choose love. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this becomes the accepted principle through which all your choices are governed there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will endure when that love is defined within the Spirit of all Love, the Love of God in and through the work of Christ Jesus.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9489323