At the root of any successful leader is a strong ability to
communicate. Sure, there have been leaders who have ascended into the
highest positions and not had that skill, but they likely didn't last
long. This point was illustrated recently as I listened to a NPR program
about the failure of the big banks on Wall Street. When Congress
grilled executives from these institutions about why they didn't catch
the risky investments that were being made that ultimately failed, their
answers were all the same and quite simple - we didn't know. It was
their job to know and either nobody told them or they didn't catch it in
the data they had access to. No flags were raised; nobody asked so
nobody told. This is definitely a communication meltdown that had
widespread negative consequences.
What is communication?
Communication in life is the pinnacle of every successful - and not so
successful - relationship. According to Webster's dictionary,
communication is defined as a process of transferring information from
one entity to another. Communication processes are sign-mediated
interactions between at least two agents, which share a repertoire of
signs, and semiotic rules. Communication is commonly defined as "the
imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by
speech, writing, or signs". Although there is such a thing as one-way
communication, communication can be perceived better as a two-way
process in which there is an exchange and progression of thoughts,
feelings or ideas (energy) towards a mutually accepted goal or direction
(information).
Why is communication important? Often times, we
have a message which we want to communicate or we want the receiver of
message to understand our message in the same sense as we convey it.
Take for example a company's need to raise the cost of health insurance.
Often times, this is conveyed through a written document to the
employees at open enrollment time. The employee's reaction is usually
anger towards the company for making them pay more money for health
coverage. The miss here is that the company is not sharing as much
information as they should to help the employee understand how the
raising cost of health insurance coverage affects the company and their
contribution too. A company should give the employee a total
compensation statement at that time so all employees can see how much
the company invests in him/her as individuals. Giving each employee a
clear, individualized picture and then telling the employee the cost is
raising would change the way the message is received. There may still be
anger, but it will be focused on the right culprit of raising costs,
which are the insurance and medical companies and not the employer.
Effective communication helps in that the message is enable to achieve
its goals and helps in receiving the desired response from the reader of
the message. Effective communication helps organizations in keeping
good relationships with their customers and employees; forwarding
information effectively helps in avoiding any dispute that can arise
because of a misunderstanding.
The 4 Types of Communication. I
used to work with someone who I refer to as a "chit-chatter." He'd walk
the halls every day knocking on doors and say, "do you have a minute?'
An hour and a half later he'd still be sitting there rambling. I learned
very quickly that my body language could help deter this activity
without me having to be rude or disengaging. When Mr. Chatter would show
up at my door and say, "do you have a minute?" He'd start to walk in
the door before I would answer and I would throw my hand up in the
"stop" mode. I would say, "actually, I'm in the middle of something
right now, can I get you on my calendar for later today?" His answer was
always, "Oh. No, I just came by to say hello." That one gesture changed
the whole dynamic of the conversation. There are 4 types of
communication that are present in our lives: verbal, non-verbal, written
and visual.
Verbal Communication: Verbal communication includes
sounds, words, language and speaking. Language is said to have
originated from sounds and gestures. There are many languages spoken in
the world. The bases of language formation are: gender, class,
profession, geographical area, age group and other social elements.
Speaking is an effective way of communicating and is again classified
into two types viz. interpersonal communication and public speaking.
Good verbal communication is an inseparable part of business
communication. In a business, you come across people from various ages,
cultures and races. Fluent verbal communication is essential to deal
with people in business meetings. Also, in business communication
self-confidence plays a vital role which when clubbed with fluent
communication skills can lead to success. Public speaking is another
verbal communication in which you have to address a group of people.
Preparing for an effective speech before you start is important. In
public speaking, the speech must be prepared according to the type of
audience you are going to face. The content of your your speech should
be authentic and you must have enough information on the topic you have
chosen for public speaking. All the main points in your speech must be
highlighted and these points should be delivered in the correct order.
There are many public speaking techniques and these techniques must be
practiced for an effective speech.
Non-Verbal Communication:
Non-verbal communication involves physical ways of communication, like,
tone of the voice, touch, smell and body motion. Creative and aesthetic
non-verbal communication includes singing, music, dancing and
sculpturing. Symbols and sign language are also included in non-verbal
communication. Body language is a non-verbal way of communication. Body
posture and physical contact convey a lot of information. Body posture
matters a lot when you are communicating verbally to someone. Folded
arms and crossed legs are some of the signals conveyed by a body
posture. Physical contact, like, shaking hands, pushing, patting and
touching expresses the feeling of intimacy. Facial expressions, gestures
and eye contact are all different ways of communication. Reading facial
expressions can help you know a person better.
Written
Communication: Written communication is writing the words which you want
to communicate. Good written communication is essential for business
purposes. Written communication is practiced in many different
languages. E-mails, reports, articles and memos are some of the ways of
using written communication in business. The written communication can
be edited and amended many times before it is communicated to the second
party to whom the communication is intended. This is one of the main
advantages of using writing as the major means of communication in
business activity. Written communication is used not only in business
but also for informal communication purposes. Mobile SMS is an example
of informal written communication.
Visual communication: The last
type of communication out of the four types of communication, is the
visual communication. Visual communication is visual display of
information, like, topography, photography, signs, symbols and designs.
Television and video clips are the electronic form of visual
communication.
What is Your Communication Style? I come from a
family where being direct is considered combative. To me, honesty is the
best policy and the only way to be honest is to be direct. Of course
that ends up causing conflict between myself, my mother and my siblings
because they would rather agree with the person to their face then
disagree behind the scenes. My style is direct and their style is
harmonious (with a bit of passive aggressiveness in my opinion, but
that's a blog for another time!) I have adjusted my style to reduce the
conflict and I have learned to get my point across without ruffling
anyone's feathers. Does it always work? No, but it has reduced my stress
and those around me. It is critically important to know your style of
communication and recognize the style of others so that you can learn to
be flexible in your message without compromising it and drastically
reduce the possibility of miscommunication. I found an interesting
article that had some critically important information relative to
communication style: The 21 most important words in the English
language:
The two most important words:
Thank You
The three most important words:
All is forgiven
The four most important words:
What is your opinion
The Five most important words:
You did a good job
The six most important words:
I want to understand you better
The least important word:
I"
The
Power of Listening: There is nothing that will derail effective
communication quicker than one of the parties not really listening to
the other. This recently happened to a client with the financial aid
office of the University of Michigan, where his child attends school.
Every single person that he have dealt with in that office since his
child first attended there in 2009 had been short, curt and robotic in
conveying the Federal guidelines for student aid. Clearly, there is a
budget they adhere to and there is no going outside the box, which is a
total disconnect for him as the recipient of financial aid when he
attended the Western Michigan University years ago. HIs perception was
that the financial aid office exists to help student find a way to fund
their education when they don't have money out of pocket to cover the
entire cost. The University of Michigan's Financial Aid Office employees
make it clear through their words and non-verbal communication that
their mission is to limit the amount of funds that go to each student to
meet some secret budget goal. He tried on several occasions to explain
this to the head of the department and each time she twisted it around
and blamed him for misunderstanding the counselors, or not following
their guidelines, or taking what was said out of context. Not once did
she acknowledge that she heard what my client was saying or that she
would try and help him find financial resources to help him cover the
$26,000 annual cost of school. His child asked, "How can I find more
money to go to school?" The counselor responded, "By getting married,
having a baby, joining the military or your parents dying." He said,
"None of those are a remote possibility, to which he responded, "Well
maybe you should have chosen a school that was more affordable to you."
His child worked hard to get accepted to U of M and he worked hard to
save enough money for him to go there. The counselor was actually
conveying the Federal guidelines of student aid to him, but it was the
way he conveyed it that was totally inappropriate. When my client
brought it to the attention of the department director, she was very
defensive and blamed the entire issue on me in that he wasn't accepting
that these were the guidelines. That wasn't the point, but rather there
is a right way and a wrong way to say, no, which is exactly what they
were telling his son in terms of getting more aid. The last exchange my
client had with the department head, she said, "Please accept my
apologies for any response you feel was inappropriate." My client didn't
feel the responses were inappropriate, they were. He totally
understands the Federal guidelines, and she repeatedly and robotically
recited them to him over and over and over again, missing the point.
Putting the blame back on my client and his son clearly showed she never
listened what I was trying to say and my client wasn't heard. That's an
unfortunate gap between a parent and a major function at a major
institution.
Managing Conflict: To say my client had a conflict
with the U of M financial aid office is an understatement. It was a
major communication breakdown, one I'm sure he'll pay the price for at a
later date - literally. However it is a normal part of life to have
conflict at home, in the workplace, in any situation where two or more
people are exchanging information. What is key is how we manage conflict
and bring it to successful resolution. In the case of the financial aid
office, my client has agreed to disagree, take what they will give and
find another resource to cover the gap in tuition. The head of that
office will never get what was said to her and he can live with that,
it's her loss. There are many effective ways to defuse a tense situation
and one thing that has been successful is to decide - what can you live
with and what are you not willing to budge on? Knowing conflict happens
and being armed with tools to manage through it and resolve it are keys
to having the right mindset while it is happening. My client's
situation was unfortunate but not personal and I guarantee he is not the
first nor will he be the last to experience a brick wall when it comes
to the U of M financial aid office. Removing the emotion and defusing
the situation helped bring this to a reasonable conclusion.
How
Your Attitude Affects Communication: Every attitude is a combination of
feelings, beliefs and evaluations. Behavior refers to the reactions or
actions of an object or organism and attitude predicts behavior.
Persuasive communication changes attitudes, which then affects behavior,
which then creates a more productive environment. Persuasive
communication involves openly trying to convince another to change their
behavior and only works when the source is credible and trustworthy.
Addressing trust and credibility first among your coworkers and other
critical relationships you have lays a strong foundation. Learning to
clearly state your position, followed by supporting arguments and
obtaining others' agreement are the keys to persuasion.
Giving and
Receiving Feedback: Feedback is a type of communication that we give or
get. Sometimes, feedback is called "criticism," but this seriously
limits its meaning.
Feedback is a way to let people know how
effective they are in what they are trying to accomplish, or how they
affect you. It provides a way for people to learn how they affect the
world around them, and it helps us to become more effective. If we know
how other people see us, we can overcome problems in how we communicate
and interact with them. Of course, there are two sides to it: giving
feedback, and receiving it.
Getting Feedback: Some people
experience feedback as pure criticism and don't want to hear it. Others
see it as spiritually crushing; a confirmation of their worthlessness.
Still others only want to hear praise, but nothing that might suggest
imperfection. That's not the case for everyone, of course. Some people
are willing to accept feedback and seek it out, even if it is sometimes
disturbing, because they believe they can grow from it. It comes down to
whether you believe feedback will harm you or benefit you.
This
is not to say that we should always have to accept feedback or the
manner in which it is sometimes given. We all have the right to refuse
feedback, and we can expect feedback to be given in a respectful and
supportive manner. But for every positive and open way of accepting
feedback, there's an opposite; a negative and closed manner which pushes
feedback away and keeps it at bay.
Negative/Closed Style
Defensive:
defends personal actions, frequently objects to feedback given.
Attacking: verbally attacks the feedback giver, and turns the table.
Denies: refutes the accuracy or fairness of the feedback. Disrespectful:
devalues the speaker, what the speaker is saying, or the speaker's
right to give feedback. Closed: ignores the feedback, listening blankly
without interest. Inactive listening: makes no attempt to "hear" or
understand the meaning of the feedback. Rationalizing: finds
explanations for the feedback that dissolve any personal responsibility.
Patronizing: listens, but shows little interest. Superficial: listens
and agrees, but gives the impression that the feedback will have little
actual effect.
Positive/Open Style
Open: listens without
frequent interruption or objections. Responsive: willing to hear what's
being said without turning the table. Accepting: accepts the feedback,
without denial. Respectful: recognizes the value of what is being said
and the speaker's right to say it. Engaged: interacts appropriately with
the speaker, asking for clarification when needed. Active listening:
listens carefully and tries to understand the meaning of the feedback.
Thoughtful: tries to understand the personal behavior that has led to
the feedback. Interested: is genuinely interested in getting feedback.
Sincere: genuinely wants to make personal changes if appropriate.
Giving Feedback
The
other end of feedback is giving it. Some people deliver feedback with
relish; after all, it's easier to give advice than take it. Some use
feedback as a weapon, or offer it as tit-for-tat. For others, feedback
is a great way to be critical. How you deliver feedback is as important
as how you accept it, because it can be experienced in a very negative
way. To be effective you must be tuned in, sensitive, and honest when
giving feedback. Just as there are positive and negative approaches to
accepting feedback, so too are there ineffective and effective ways to
give it.
Ineffective/Negative Delivery
Attacking: hard
hitting and aggressive, focusing on the weaknesses of the other person.
Indirect: feedback is vague and issues hinted at rather than addressed
directly. Insensitive: little concern for the needs of the other person.
Disrespectful: feedback is demeaning, bordering on insulting.
Judgmental: feedback is evaluative, judging personality rather than
behavior. General: aimed at broad issues which cannot be easily defined.
Poor timing: given long after the prompting event, or at the worst
possible time. Impulsive: given thoughtlessly, with little regard for
the consequences. Selfish: feedback meets the giver's needs, rather than
the needs of the other person.
Effective/Positive Delivery
Supportive:
delivered in a non-threatening and encouraging manner. Direct: the
focus of the feedback is clearly stated. Sensitive: delivered with
sensitivity to the needs of the other person. Considerate: feedback is
intended to not insult or demean. Descriptive: focuses on behavior that
can be changed, rather than personality. Specific: feedback is focused
on specific behaviors or events. Healthy timing: given as close to the
prompting event as possible and at an opportune time. Thoughtful: well
considered rather than impulsive. Helpful: feedback is intended to be of
value to the other person.
The Importance of Feedback
Feedback
is a must for people who want to have honest relationships. A powerful
and important means for communication, giving feedback connects us, and
our behavior, to the world around us.
Communication and the
Digital Age: There are now multiple means of causing communication
barriers between people; texting, Facebook-ing, Twittering, instant
messaging, voice mail and email to name a few. Stephen Covey's Time
Management program preaches for us to be the master of technology versus
letting technology being our master. I recently attended a baseball
game and when I looked around the stadium, I saw a sea of people looking
at their cell phones. They were texting, taking pictures, uploading
them to Facebook, talking - it was a new age of mass media blitz. I
frequently get instant messages from clients and potential clients
asking me in-depth life changing questions and expecting a simple answer
in return. It's hard to be an effective communicator in the digital age
unless we learn how to use these means in a persuasive and appropriate
manner. A client of mine has an employee who constantly fires off
scathing emails. My client gets constant complaints about the employee
who is perceived as being combative and abrasive. I advised her to sit
down with the employee, show her examples of the inappropriate emails,
advise her to a 24-hour "cool down" period, then initially reviewing the
emails with someone they can trust before hitting the send key. A month
later the client reported that 9 out of 10 emails were scrapped before
sending. The employee then learned the skill of not reacting via email
to other communication that was angering her. It is especially important
in this economic climate where we're doing much more with much less and
tensions are high.
Ask yourself the following questions:
How
would your professional and personal life change if you could
successfully master these basic skills? Can you afford not to make the
investment to improve your communication? You will be amazed at the
startling turn your life will take once you learn how to communicate
effectively and successfully. Did you know that the most important asset
to a company or to a client is a person who communicates effectively,
someone who has the ability to influence and persuade others? Are you
communicating successfully and effectively to influence others or are
you just talking?
i. 2007, Stoney deGeyter; Pole Position Marketing. ii. 2009, Phil Rich, Ed.D., MSW, DCSW; Self-Help Magazine.
About Terri Kern Company
Terri Kern Company, LLC (
[http://www.terrikern.org] ) provides professionals at any level around
the globe with the training & development they need to successfully
manage their career. From group training, to executive coaching, to
one-on-one career development planning, clients that have used TKC for
their career management needs have achieved their goals faster, struck a
work/life balance, engage in meaningful work and are financially
stable. They work with or independent of the professional's current
employer.
Vision of Terri Kern Company:
Our vision serves as the framework for the mission and guides every aspect of our business by helping each professional client:
• Create foundation for success through visualizing who you want to be, self-awareness and the perception of others;
• Cultivate a development plan that will bridge the gap between now and later;
• Conquer new skills, behaviors and motivations;
• Succeed in your new world.
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