Survive Infidelity - How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make Which Prolong Mistrust And Misery
Survive Infidelity - How Can We Get Past This And Keep Our Marriage Together
o survive infidelity can be one of the darkest periods in your life. Being betrayed, hurt and humiliated by the one person you thought you could trust is life shattering.
Although affairs are certainly not uncommon within marriages, more and more couples are willing to survive the infidelity and ask "How can we get past this and keep our marriage together?"
The largest obstacle to get past is the emotional trauma and the shattered trust. It's important to know, no matter how devastating and dark the relationship might seem now, it is possible to heal, strengthen and survive a marriage wounded by infidelity.
There is certainly no easy quick-fix. The power to save your marriage from divorce lies within you and your spouse. You both must be willing to take your time, be patient with each other and start rebuilding the trust and communication in a new "different" way. Trying to get back to "the way things were" is not the best solution seeing as something was flawed or missing for the infidelity to have happened in the first place.
Couples from all walks of life, income levels and circumstances have saved their marriage from the brink of an affair disaster. To survive infidelity, both couples must be sincere, committed and willing to work through the healing process. And it is a process.
If there are still feelings between you and your spouse, commit to working on saving your relationship by any means possible. Some couples can manage to rebuild and repair on their own but often outside assistance can be helpful. Experienced marriage counsellors offer advice, insight and exercises which can be beneficial. If a marriage counsellor is not an option due to funding, there are plenty of online support products or wonderful books from your local book store or library. These recourses can aid you and your spouse and offer step by step techniques to help you both rebuild your marriage.
An infidelity does not have to mean the end of your marriage. It can be one of the most difficult challenges you and your spouse will ever deal with but, countless couples who have been on the brink of divorce or separation have successfully rebuilt their marriage. And if others have been successful, you can too!
Don't let an affair destroy your life. If you really want to save your marriage and would like to take steps to find out how your marriage can survive infidelity visit http://howtosurviveanaffair.ca Get Your Free 21-Step Program at www.marriage-after-infidelity.info Your life and marriage are worth saving.
How to Communicate In Your Marriage
The buzz word for saving a marriage nowadays seems to be communicate. It is as if it will automatically zip up all conflicts and resolve all hurts. It may seem a simple word but it can be quite difficult for one to practice.
There are some pointers for a couple with marital problems to learn the right communication skills before using them correctly to fix their communication in marriage problems.
Your spouse is the closest human relation on earth to you; hence it is your rightful duty, as per your marriage vows, to treat each other well. Each has to look out for the welfare of the other and give one's spouse the best of oneself. But most of us tend to react the other way; we are most polite to strangers but rude and critical with our spouse. We tend to take our loved ones for granted. Hence, before good communication can happen between the married couple, they must remember their status in each others lives and be given top priority at all times.
Communication between spouses
Communication is the process of conveying some message to another. Hence, the right words must be chosen as words, once delivered, cannot be retracted. It is so important to choose your words carefully so that the correct message is conveyed without inferences and guesswork. Always sort out your words first before voicing to avoid misunderstanding and create conflict.
This is especially necessary if your marriage is not too stable when you wish to communicate to resolve issues. Put yourself in your spouse's shoes to feel how your words might impact him/her.
Another point about communication is the timing. To have an effective communication, it must be done at the right moment. Do not try to communicate when one party is busy or not alert in mind. Your spouse may be sleepy or tired; there will be no positive impact and you will end up being frustrated with the brick wall of communication. Both parties should be calm and ready to deal with the issue at hand for a resolution. That will be the best time to communicate your feelings and thoughts without being accusing or defensive.
Avoid emotional outbursts which tend to turn the spouse away or shut off his mind. This kills all forms of resolution to any disagreement or conflict in the marriage. Raising voices and yelling at each other tear down respect for one another which causes more hurt and frustration.
Communication is conducive when the location is right. Crowded places or in front of your children will not do. The place should be comfortable and secure for both parties so that openness is encouraged. The bedroom is a good choice for privacy and a reflection of intimacy for good communication between the couple.
There are many ways to communicate effectively besides words; one can touch or embrace, give a smile or a kiss. These help to relax the other party and allow softer communication to take place which is more productive. Choose nonverbal gestures of communication to promote respect, love and desire to resolve marital conflict.
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Process of Healing from Infidelity
A discovered extramarital affair of your partner is indeed devastating and knowing that you have been betrayed by the one you love will surely turn your world upside down.
Overcoming pain from marital infidelity is a long and tedious process but if both parties are willing to give the marriage another shot and believes that divorce is not the end of it all it is still possible for a happily ever after. Healing from infidelity requires both parties cooperation. If you are trying to make things work to keep the marriage together, you will have to accept the reality that this journey will not be an easy ride and will take more than the usual effort to put things together. Even the betrayed spouse should do conscious efforts to ignite the love and rebuild the trust again.
For the unfaithful partner, it will mean double effort to prove that you are sorry and commit that you will be honest a hundred percent this time around. It will be nice to lay all the facts of the affair so the other partner would also realize his/her shortcoming. Next is to be sorry about it. Remorse is the key in mending anything broken. Admitting to the mistake is the only way your spouse could even consider taking you back. Change your lifestyle. Accept the new rules that will be stated by the betrayed spouse like no boy's night out or dinner dates with clients of the opposite sex again. Avoiding the scenes that led you to infidelity would be a good sign for your partner to start trusting you again.
On the other hand, the betrayed party also has steps to consider when healing from infidelity. First, you must clearly point out what must be done to regain your trust once again. Only you can decide what can mend your broken heart so it is best to make it clear. Choosing to forgive is probably the hardest step but it is necessary in order for both of you start over with clean slates. Lastly, spend time and avoid having to bring back the affair topic again. This way healing from infidelity might be faster for both of you.
Rebuilding a marriage is another leap for the both of you not only to restore your family but also for self-contentment and maturity
Contact Tammy to find out more about How to Survive Infidelity and get your free 6 Steps to Surviving Infidelity Report; learn more in
http://www.surviving-infidelity.com/infidelity-news.html
Why Single Christian Girls Can't Get Married
t's accurate. Several single Christian ladies are single and have been single for many years on conclude. All they know is getting single. Most of them don't know what it implies to be in a connection due to the fact the christian church culture permits this type of powerless conduct. Most of this powerless mindset is not based in truth.
I know this may well offend some, but if you are a single christian woman, you have to cease producing excuses for not getting the appreciate you really want.
Since I now you want to locate real love, but you're not heading to find it if you don't let go of the lies you've been fed about what it indicates to be a single christian woman.
A single of the most lies are rooted in the ideology that you shouldn't date. You expend most of your time heading to bible scientific tests, christian only activities and attending church. If this is what you want to do there is practically nothing incorrect with this but the difficulty is when you come residence and cry oneself to rest mainly because you expend a long time of lonely nights believing an additional lie - "God is heading to send me a husband" so you invest wasted a long time waiting on the "Lord" to do this.
And this is why you are even now single.
You don't understand that you are accountable for your daily life and the reason why you are not getting what you want is due to the fact you are not executing the points that will deliver you what you want. You hold creating excuses and believing untrue strategies about what it indicates to come across really like.
There is a explanation that more than fifty percent the gals in the church are single. It is due to the fact numerous of them are so caught on the concept of purity alternatively of realizing that they can date about but they don't have to sleep close to. Most don't know how to go out on a date, take it easy and have fun.
If you're prepared to appear at statistics, you will see that gals who get married date typically. The reality is, locating a dream man is a numbers game. If you don't date or if you don't date frequently - about 3x per week, you are a lot more probable to stay single and lonely.
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How To Get Your Spouse To Love You Again
If your spouse is no longer in love with you as when you are dating, do not panic. However bad the situation may be, there is still a way for you to rekindle yoru relationship and get your spouse to love you again.
The first step is to understanding. It is very easy for you to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actually loving each other when it is no longer the case. After their dating days have ended, the couples no longer feel the same excitement and sexual attachment as before.
Unlike dating, there are more commitments and responsibilities in marriage. Unlike those you face in school and work, these will be what we need to face for the next 10, 20 or even 30 years down the road and even more so when you have children.
Love is more than just being fond of that person and expressing your feelings for him or her. It is all about caring, sharing and even sacrificing everything you have if the situation requires be it from your spouse, children or both. That includes the things you love and freedom you cherish during your single days.
Every single thing you do be it work, spending money and even hobbies, you need to take their feelings into consideration. Such as telling and discussing with them even though there is a possibility of them not agreeing with you all the time.
It is never easy but this is what love is really all about whether you agree with what I just mentioned or not. If you cannot forsake certain things like playing video games, watching movies and shopping, then marriage and even parenthood is not for you.
Even when you have a steady stream of regular and passive income, you still need to set aside some time for your spouse and children. Not once or twice a week but every single day.
Every relationship has 4 stages as in falling in love, honeymoon bliss, disagreements and then being stronger or weaker in marriages.
Just because we find fault with each other, it is very easy for positive feelings to fade. It takes proper undersanding or even dire circumstances - when we are forced to work together to build our relationship all over again.
Love is a commitment and responsibility. You cannot just express verbally but through actions and sacrifices I already mentioned. Mature couples love each other as a whole and not by looks and circumstances alone.
The next step is to spend quality time talking and listening to your spouse. If you both do not talk, it is very hard to cultivate feelings for each other and for your relationship to grow further.
Finally, give in to your spouse without expecting anything in return. This will make you a more mature person in the eyes of your spouse.
Understanding, spending time and accommodating are small things that you should do everyday to build trust, intimacy and love with each other.
Reclaiming the Lost Love through Flowers
Have you spent like a decade or more in your marriage? Are you noticing a significant decrease in the level of intimacy you are showing to each other? Maybe it's your hectic work schedule that is taking all your time such that you are forgetting you have a wife to give attention and love.
Coming tired from work, you cantt even ask your wife how was her day like. You can't even bother to eat the food she prepared for you because you are too tired or you are still full from a dinner meeting with a client. You can't even seem to notice that she has pampered herself and made herself attractive just for you to take a glance of her.
But these things don't hinder her to get your very precious attention. She's wearing cosmetics and perfume eve she's just home. When you come home at night, she's dressed up in her sexy lingerie, just to be ignored again. Until you noticed yourself that she has lost interest in these things.
Coming home at night, there's a food prepared for you but your wife is soundly snoring at your room. Waking her up would just result in turning to the other side of the bed. This isn't the scenario you would want to end up.
Making matters worse, you noticed one time that your wife has slept with the computer still on. Browsing through the history of the websites she had visited exploded a surprise before your eyes. Your wife is visiting the sites of online florists daily.
Your wife has now been consuming her whole time browsing through the galleries of online florists. She was dreaming of receiving some of those beautiful flower arrangements comprised of her most favourite flowers. The sight of these websites should have made you ponder that your wife is traveling back in time. She's traveling back to the days when you'd suddenly come from her behind and hand a bouquet of beautiful red Kunming roses for her.
Munching over to her reminiscence of these sweet moments along with the things she had done in the past brings you to a realization that you ignored the attempts she had made to ignite the spark of your love again.
If this is your case, there is no better thing for you to do than to surprise her with a flower delivery service in an instance when she's not expecting it. With the assistance of an online florist such as www.gogoflorist.com, you can select a flower arrangement that your wife will best like. Choose arrangements comprised of flowers she wants the most. Ensure that the colours are her likes too. Include an order of the wine you both enjoy to drink while you were just dating. Instruct the florist to have the flowers delivered before you get home.
You'll be surprised in return for the thing you think is a simple task you've done. But for your wife it's an important time she'll never forget for it's when you have responded and brought back the lost spark in your relationship. Be prepared for hugs and kisses she'll shower you. Don't forget to drink the wine and grab the opportunity to profess your renewed love towards an intimate night that will both take you to satisfaction.See how a bunch of roses can make a difference in your relationship!
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Analyzing the Love-Sex Chemistry
Let's analyze some of the problems that lovers face most often.
Lack of trust on either side is the major problem creator in a relationship. Women chiefly succumb to unnecessary suspicion resulting in an eventual break up with their partners. On the other hand, men hate being nagged randomly. However, this does not mean that men can take their partners for granted. The best thing a couple can do is to allow equal space to each other; confide in their darkest secrets, and try to figure out mutual problems.
It's very important for couples to know each other. No two persons are alike and hence one must respect each other's identity. One should not try to make an argument out of insignificant things. However, if arguments take place, make sure that you attempt reconciliation. Showing that 'you care' is one of the best kept secrets in a loving relationship.
Notwithstanding the above-mentioned issues, there crops up some intimate problems, which demand more attention and perhaps even professional support. Many partners shy away from the most wonderful gift of God to mankind- sex. Sexual encounter is an inevitable aspect of conjugal life and trying to remain celibate post marriage is quite illogical. Failure as an ideal sex partner might be another trouble in your sex life. A situation might arise wherein your passion has lost its erstwhile spark or you have been unable to light a single spark in the first night itself! Dissatisfaction in a relationship often calls for extra-marital affairs or adultery. The result- more trouble, more pain.
These love pangs can best be sorted with the help of professional sex experts or 'sexperts'. The sexpert can guide you to tackle your love challenges wittingly. With their guidance and support, you can actually sail smoothly over the intermittent waves of love and sex.
In the beginning, when love is new, romance, courting and conquest are aphrodisiacs, stimulants that increase our appetite for sexual union. Eventually the chase ends, hearts are won, and lifetime pledges are made. The happy couple says "I do," strolls off into the sunset together, destined to be lovers forever.
So what happens? The newness fades, the passion flees. Where does it go? Does it get mortgaged along with the house? Disposed with the diapers? Years ago, Mary, age 49, shyly told her family doctor that she had lost interest in having sex with her husband. She was told this was a natural event, that women eventually lose interest and that's the way it is. For some women, she was told, it comes earlier. Today, Mary might be offered testosterone patches to fire up her lagging libido!
Martin, age 59, is having erectile difficulties. Viagra to the rescue!
Times may have changed, but is it really just a story of diminishing hormones and loss of blood flow? The popularity of these new biologically-based treatments attest to their effectiveness as sexual aids. Yet we continue to yearn for the fulfillment of a deeper intimacy. Reviving the mechanics of our sex life may help, but it does not fully address the hunger in our hearts. We desire even more than the wonderful climax of sexual release. We crave a connection with our partner's soul. We ache to embrace a love that lights up our eyes, that enlivens our very being.
After Infidelity: Make up or Break up
Relevance Info Services, an international publisher of quality information, approached me as an expert in relationship issues with the question if I could evaluate a number of websites that offer methods and tips for saving relationships and prevent a divorce. The fact is that, with respect for all the well meant kind of information, there are many offerings on the internet that are not based upon psychological principals. A lot of the presented materials cause more harm than any good. It is not composed by experts and that's certainly not what you want. If you are in serious trouble the situation demands a professional approach by people that are very experienced in solving relationship issues.
This article is about what to do after infidelity. More articles will follow about related subjects.
An infidelity is a betrayal, a loss of trust. It is lying or disloyalty to one's partner or lover. Infidelity may be sexual or emotional in nature and typically involves a third person. Infidelity does not necessarily involve physical separation, but can be characterized by emotional detachment as well. Emotional detachment can happen when you lose your partner's trust or if you lie to your partner or tell them half-truths. Betraying your partner may inflict a deep pain that is difficult to repair and sometimes causes irrevocable damage to the relationship that hastens its end. There are many things that can occur in the wake of an infidelity. If you are married, an infidelity could lead to divorce. If you are in a committed relationship, it could lead to a break up.
So what happens after infidelity occurs in your relationship?
There are distinct stages a relationship goes through in the wake of an infidelity.
1. Roller Coaster Stage. This is the stage where strong emotions arise - emotions such as anger and self-blame followed by a period of introspection and appreciation of the relationship. Just like it says, your emotions go for a roller coaster ride, up and down, round and round and its a bit hard to figure out exactly where you are.
2. Moratorium Stage. This stage is a less emotional stage, at least for the person who was cheated upon. In this stage, the person affected tries to make sense of the betrayal. They may ask for more detail about the affair or retreat into themselves or quietly seek help from others regarding the issue.
3. Trust Building Stage. This stage takes place when the couple has decided to stay together. During this stage, the couple really tries to make their marriage work. They decide that a continued commitment to their relationship is important and with time, eventually forgiveness and trust can be achieved.
After an infidelity occurs, you may still find yourself often doubting your partner. Don't lose heart, there is hope. Here are some signs that may indicate if a person is still worthy of your love.
* Expresses sincere remorse and regret for cheating on you
* Heartfelt apologies feel true when you hear them
* Accepts total blame for his or her betrayal
* Cuts off all contact with the third party
* Shows a renewed appreciation, admiration, respect and devotion to only you
* Displays a willingness and openness to talk about what happened
* Is willing and eager to go into marriage counseling with you
If both of you are willing to participate in a deep, open, and honest conversation regarding your relationship and how you would like it to progress, there is a good chance you will be able to work through your issues.
If, on the other hand, your partner is not open to discussing these things with you and not demonstrating any of the possible reconcilement signs listed above, it may be time to cut your losses and get out. Additional signs that it might be time to end the relationship are: your partner seems to be more agitated than usual and seems to emotionally and physically withdraw from you. They may go out alone more often and may be making clandestine phone calls or working late hours. You might even receive anonymous phone calls at the house. If several of these things are occurring, then most probably your partner is cheating on you. If you can find concrete evidence of this infidelity, then its probably a good idea to break up. A relationship that is based on lies, lacks trust and lack of commitment is doomed to fail.
After an infidelity occurs, be aware of any signs that may indicate your partner's willingness to stay and work it out or clear intention to follow along the path of continued betrayal. Just be careful and pay attention. Make the best decision for you.
I would be pleased to guide you in the process after infidelity
or go to http://stop-a-divorce-info.com.
Relationship Advice: On Communication
Every successful relationship, whether it's a romantic relationship,
business, friendship, etc. have a lot to do with constant and proper
communication. Anyone who's ever read about relationship or marriage
advice knows that communication is an essential part of a healthy
relationship - this is the key.
Communication is essentially about knowing and understanding each other, however, if there is conflict it is mostly because of mis-communication. When problems occur in a relationship, it is because of the fact that some couples just do not have a clue on how to properly talk to each other - most especially men.
One woman in a grocery store said, "Does your husband talk to you?" The other woman answered, "Of course, he talks to me when he asks what's for dinner".
This can be funny but unfortunately true. Most men have a hard time communicating anything that remotely resembles an emotion. Why? Because men think much more than they feel - they are afraid of getting 'emotional'.
So how can a man make sure that he is able to overcome this 'emotion-phobia' when communicating with his partner? Here are some tips:
Be Honest With Your Feelings
I think the number one reason why men are afraid of emotion is because our society dictates that a real man should be able to control his emotion. Although, it is true that we should control our emotion, but this does not mean no emotion at all. All human beings are emotional beings. Do not deny yourself from expressing your own emotions.
Don't Jump To Conclusions
Men are logical being. Admit it or not, we tend to find the logic in everything. When your partner expresses a problem to you, it does not always mean what it seems. Our common mistake is that we jump to conclusion and this is one of the biggest pitfalls in communication - contempt before investigation. So before you even attempt to jump to conclusion and thinking that you know better than your partner, slow down. Try to feel your partners emotions and make it yours. If there is something you do not understand from her, make sure to clarify it by asking - and ask nicely.
Practice
Do not just apply this when issues arise. Practice this even when there is no problem. Spend more time with your partner and sharing your emotions with her. This will make you feel comfortable with her. Practice being interested in her emotions and break that barrier between you and her. The moment you become expressive, it will be easier to communicate even in tough times.
Communication is essentially about knowing and understanding each other, however, if there is conflict it is mostly because of mis-communication. When problems occur in a relationship, it is because of the fact that some couples just do not have a clue on how to properly talk to each other - most especially men.
One woman in a grocery store said, "Does your husband talk to you?" The other woman answered, "Of course, he talks to me when he asks what's for dinner".
This can be funny but unfortunately true. Most men have a hard time communicating anything that remotely resembles an emotion. Why? Because men think much more than they feel - they are afraid of getting 'emotional'.
So how can a man make sure that he is able to overcome this 'emotion-phobia' when communicating with his partner? Here are some tips:
Be Honest With Your Feelings
I think the number one reason why men are afraid of emotion is because our society dictates that a real man should be able to control his emotion. Although, it is true that we should control our emotion, but this does not mean no emotion at all. All human beings are emotional beings. Do not deny yourself from expressing your own emotions.
Don't Jump To Conclusions
Men are logical being. Admit it or not, we tend to find the logic in everything. When your partner expresses a problem to you, it does not always mean what it seems. Our common mistake is that we jump to conclusion and this is one of the biggest pitfalls in communication - contempt before investigation. So before you even attempt to jump to conclusion and thinking that you know better than your partner, slow down. Try to feel your partners emotions and make it yours. If there is something you do not understand from her, make sure to clarify it by asking - and ask nicely.
Practice
Do not just apply this when issues arise. Practice this even when there is no problem. Spend more time with your partner and sharing your emotions with her. This will make you feel comfortable with her. Practice being interested in her emotions and break that barrier between you and her. The moment you become expressive, it will be easier to communicate even in tough times.
Relationship Help: Why Do I Get So Upset with My Partner?
Q: I need some relationship help. While I love my husband with all my heart, sometimes it's just so frustrating being married to him. When I feel that he's ignoring me, I get so upset, and he's usually surprised by the intensity of my reaction. Why do I get so upset with him? ~Lynn, Carlsbad CA
A: Thanks for the question, Lynn. Here are some thoughts that might help shed light on your experience:
It is extremely distressing to feel as if your words and actions have no impact (or no longer matter) to your spouse/partner to think that someone whom you love deeply is no longer engaged fully in the relationship or interested in what's important to you can be extremely painful.
When you feel like your spouse/partner is not being responsive to you (and to your needs), two outcomes become likely:
1. Initially, you may "up the ante" in order to have some kind of impact on your spouse/partner-- this might involve yelling, becoming more provocative, elevating your emotional responses, acting in ways that are uncharacteristic for you (in attachment literature these types of reactions are called "protest" behaviors your protests are a reflection of losing something extremely important to you; this can be the love of your partner, the security of your relationship, or both).
Is it fair to say that at some point most of us would react negatively (protest) if we perceived our spouse/partner to be unavailable and unresponsive to our needs?
2. When you feel ignored for extended periods of time, your sense of despair can turn into feelings of hopelessness you give up on trying to engage your spouse/partner and begin to retreat (this is a self-protective behavior in essence, you're cutting your loses). This may take the form of indifference, withdrawal behaviors, and disengaging from the relationship in general (and the responsibilities that are a part of the relationship).
Typically a protest reaction isn't random: Protest behaviors (getting really upset when your partner isn't responding in predictable ways that make you feel secure in the relationship) occur in a particular context; and the triggering event is usually feeling anxious about losing the security of your relationship.
Relationship Help: Let's break down this reaction:
An unresponsive/disengaged/uninterested partner =>
triggers increased anxiety and worry in the other partner, who then =>
attempts to reengage the unresponsive partner (for example, "We need to talk," or "What's wrong?") =>
and if the other partner is still not responsive, protest behaviors are triggered.
Your protest behaviors (whether your protest behaviors are perceived as nagging, pestering, yelling, or some kind of increased emotionality like anger) are in effect attempts to try and correct the problem ideally it's an attention-grabbing reaction that will let your spouse know that something is wrong that needs fixing.
Think of protest behaviors as an alarm sounding in an effort to grab your partner's attention to what needs to be addressed.
Marital/relationship problems can arise when these temporary reactions (feeling one's spouse/partner is unconcerned and unresponsive) are not addressed and become ingrained patterns.
I hope this sheds some light on why you seem to get so upset with your spouse (or why we all get upset with our spouse/partner at times). Whenever we allow a loved one special access to our hearts, feeling ignored by this person is going to feel like a major deal.
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