Love Needs Exercise to Keep a Marriage!

There are many factors involved when it comes to keeping a marriage. Love needs exercise to keep a marriage, as love by itself is not enough. Other factors are the couple's age, their previous relationships and even if they are smokers.

You can live happily ever after and Australian researchers have identified what is needed to keep couples together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

The study done by researchers from the Australian National University was called "What's Love Got to Do With It," and tracked nearly 2,500 couples married or living together. The study done from 2001 to 2007 helped identify factors associated with couples who remained together compared to those who divorced or separated.

Keeping a marriage together and strong requires not only love which is a major role player but activities geared to building relationships and closeness between the marriage partners.

Love and exercise, as in doing a fitness routine together can surely help bring a couple closer together both physically and emotionally.

Having fun doing something you both enjoy and that is good for you will bring a new sense of togetherness and closeness to the relationship helping to get to know each other better and even pushing your partner on to new heights they never thought possible.

If you are a man, don't get married to a woman who is nine or more years younger. The results show he is twice as likely to get a divorce. Men who get married before age 25 are also inclined to get a divorce.

It helps to wait until you're married to have kids for a long marriage. If couples have kids before a marriage or relationship either from a previous marriage or in your relationship now, one-fifth of couples will separate compared to nine percent for couples who waited until after the wedding to have kids.

Women usually want kids at some point and if the husband does not there is a chance of divorce.

Another key factor determining a divorce is the couple's parents. 16% of couples whose own parents separated or divorced will experience marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

If you're in your second or third marriage things don't look good as you are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses in their very first marriage.

Not surprisingly the almighty dollar plays a huge role in the outcome of a marriage. 16 percent of respondents who were poor or the husband - not the wife - was unemployed, had separated, compared to just 9 percent of couples with healthy and strong finances.

If one partner smokes and the other does not there is a likely chance that this relationship will not last.

There are factors which do not significantly affect a marriage including how many children they have and their ages, along with the wife's employment status and for how many years the couple has been employed.

This was a joint study done by the Australian National University, and the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

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Why Does Love Disappear After Marriage?

Most couples find their intensity of love greatly diminished after marriage. It is really surprising that people who cannot live without each other before marriage, find themselves so trapped in marriage that they seek divorce and then try to marry another person. Even when they do not seek divorce they engage in extramarital relationships where they try to search love in another person. If they control all types of extramarital relationship due to social pressures, they still cannot live with their spouse in harmony as they find that the spark of love has disappeared from their lives.

Where does love go after marriage? Is it due to the wrong selection of the beloved that one has to finally part ways or there are some greater mysteries behind the loss of love? The increasing rates of divorces, the increasing number of live-in relationships and the increasing number of the birth of children outside wedlock are ample evidences that people have already started avoiding marriages. Some people have started believing that marriage is an outdated institution and that living with each other without marriage is better for the relationship than getting married.

Why Marriages Fail?

It is really surprising why marriages are failing despite the fact that most marriages are voluntary and the couples are now getting married only if they love each other. They often spend many years together to test their compatibility with each other before getting formally married.

It is therefore, important to understand love before understanding why love is diminished after marriage.

Love between two individual means that both people extend their personalities and become one with each other. It is like union of two or more atoms to make a molecule. For example, when two atoms of Hydrogen and one atom of Oxygen combine with each other, they make a molecule of water which is totally different from either hydrogen or oxygen. Thus love is different than all other types of relationship as the lovers become one and instead of maintaining their individuality, lose their identity. They become complimentary to each other as they become one and often they perform different roles in their lives so as to complement each other.
Thus the bond of love brings two people together and makes them one.

Transmutation of Love

It is difficult to define love as love has many manifestations. People may perceive love as lust, affection, respect, friendship, worship, trust, compassion etc. For example, couples may come close to each other as friend and they gradually find each other physically attractive (lust). In many case like arranged marriages, the relationship first start with physical (lust) and gradually it get converted into friendship and other forms of love. However, soon all loving relationship transforms so as to complete all forms of love like affection, compassion, respect etc. You can easily notice that the people who remains married for long period become extremely dependent on each other and all forms of love are present in their relationship. They develop affection for each other which is the purest form of love existing between mother and child. They respect each other and develop faith on each other. The long married couples gradually become so much dependent on each other due to their completeness of love, that they do not need any other person to complete their relationship. They are best of friends and they take care of each other best. That is why the spouses are also called half-self as without them a person feels incomplete.

However, some people get worried due to the transformation of their love because they do not want their love to be transformed. Often men do not find their wives as physically appealing as the lust is transformed to other forms of love. They may find other woman more attractive since other forms of love are absent in purely physical attractions.

Discover Your Love

In order to live happily and lovingly in our life, we have to understand the true love which is much more than physical or emotional. Love is continuously transforming in every relationship till it acquires the completeness. Physical attraction may be a design of nature to bring the people of opposite sex together. Yet once the couple become physically satisfied, it is time for love to get transformed and bring more colours into their love. If you can understand this design of love, you can only wait for love to get more mature and bring more love into your lives.

Life is a mystery which can not be explained either by science or by scriptures. Truth has a body and a soul which we call science and religion. Contrary to popular perception, they are not opposed to each other but complement each other like body and soul. In fact, they can not exist without each other.

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The Reasons Why Love And Sex Are Not The Same

There is need to clarify what love and sex means or stands for in marriage. Many people attach the same meaning to the two, which is a serious error. The keywords in the title are love, sex and marriage. It is imperative to explain what each word stands for.

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman to live as husband and wife. It is an institution created by God primarily for the purpose of companionship. It is a bond and an everlasting covenant that is meant to exist for as long as the couples live. It was created to terminate only by death of any of the partners.

Love is the foundation of every marriage. Love is not in words but in action. Love is better demonstrated than said by words. Love is not a feeling, because there is much more to love than jumping into bed with the opposite sex.

Love is sacrifice and service by one to the other. To love is to give what is the best for the benefit of the other, and to accept him as he is and not on the basis of what is to be gained from him.

To love is to make a self-sacrificing concern for the benefit and welfare of another and to love the other without condition in spite of the other's actions or in-actions. Love is a strong emotional attachment to another person. It is a deep affection for another person, to be fond of the person and wanting to be with him/her all the time. Love is a heart-to-heart connection between husband and wife. To love is to accept the imperfections of the other and to accommodate them.

Love is fueled by personal intimacy which must be developed by the couple for their love to grow. Without personal intimacy, love wanes or fades and gradually dies. This is how many marriages have failed because the partners took their affection for granted and did not develop it.

Many people are in marriage but very few are in love.

Sex is sexual intercourse or a sexual union between husband and wife. It was created by God to be expressed within marriage as an instrument for husband and wife to express their love for each other. However, sex is not love because it is possible to have sex with a person you have no feelings or love for. Further, there are other ways to express love for each other apart from sex. Sex is not the exclusive means to show love to another.

Sex alone, without strong personal intimacy, can not sustain a marriage. Sex without personal intimacy is driven by passion and passion is a weak and unstable foundation to build a marriage on. Moreover, passion can easily take the place of real friendship.

Many marriages are mere sexual relationships because the partners rushed into for romantic connection without developing the intimacy connection. Intimacy is friendship which takes time to develop, to nurture and mature. In a marriage built on sex driven by passion, there is no real love for each other and each member exists to derive mere physical and sexual pleasure from the other which quickly becomes boring.

Full expression of love can be said to occur in marriage when personal intimacy is developed and maintained and is combined with sexual intimacy. Then will love be complete.

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Signs Your Guy Might Not Be Marriage Material After All

You want to get married but you are unsure about your guy. There is something about him that makes you uneasy and you want to know if this apprehension about marrying him is just in your mind or if there is a reason for it. Can your guy be poor material for marriage? What are the signs that your guy might not be marriage material after all?

It's his way or the highway...there is no negotiation! Marriage is about continual compromise as your two lives gradually merge into negotiated compromises that you can both live with. If your guy is always right and your life has to fit into his without him making any changes or compromises then your lives do not merge into a new life made up of both of your essences; instead your life and identity simply disappear into his and you cease to exist in many ways. If your guy is like that then this is a clear sign that your guy might not be marriage material after all; unless your idea of marriage is being absorbed by another and living your life under their complete domination. A good marriage requires that when conflict arises you both negotiate a way forward that meets some of your needs and some of his needs but if he refuses to negotiate and instead insists that you do things his way then only his needs will be met and you will begin to resent him and to loss the essence of who you are; a disservice not only to yourself but to every other human being in your world who now has to live life without the real you.

He thinks he is God's gift to women and you are lucky to have him. If your guy feels like this then he will lord it over you in marriage. You want a confident guy but you do not want an arrogant guy who thinks he is of godlike status as he will be self centered in marriage and will only think of himself, his needs and his wants; an untenable situation in any real marriage. A good marriage involves the giving of your time and your resources for the other person's happiness or convenience and if your guy's world revolves around himself then your guy might not be marriage material after all as he will be unable and unwilling to make any sacrifices for you, your happiness or your convenience. A self absorbed guy is not marriage material unless your idea of marriage is giving up who you are and joining him in worshipping at the altar of his ego.

He loves many women and will not give them up! A guy who cannot give up other women for you might not be marriage material after all. Marriage requires trust that for many women grows as their confidence in their man grows through fidelity, honesty and being true to their word. If your guy is still playing the field and is unwilling to stop then he may not be marriage material unless your self esteem is so low that you believe that just having him in your life is enough for you and so you accept a union where he shares himself with other women while you remain faithful and true to him.

He has temper tantrums like a 2 year old! If your guy cannot be constructively angry then he might not be marriage material after all. If he kicks and fusses whenever his need or wants are not met immediately then he may not have the maturity to enter into marriage. Expressing anger is not the problem. The problem is his need to gratify all his desires here and now regardless of your feelings and needs. The ability to delay gratification is a key component of personal growth as it ensures that you invest your energy and resources for your relationship and your future. If your guy cannot handle 'no' then he is not marriage material unless you want to spend you days with a man-child who you have to constantly pacify.

He is emotionally or physically abusive. Don't believe your love and hormone driven optimism that he will change if you love him well. If he abuses you now then that abuse will only get worse in marriage. Love will not cure him; being well behaved will not cure him; being nice and jumping at his every whim will not cure him! If he abuses you then your guy is not marriage material after all, unless your idea of marriage is being controlled and abused by a joker who will NEVER stop.

He has habits that you really cannot live with but which you hope to change in marriage. If there are things about him that you absolutely cannot stand then take a step back because your guy might not be marriage material for you after all. He may be marriage material for some other woman but not for you. Whatever habits he may have that you cannot stand; don't assume that marriage and your love for him will be able to change him. He may change some bad habits after marriage but you cannot go into marriage banking on him changing as he may never change. Marry a guy whose bad habits, though somewhat annoying, are not deal breakers for you. A guy with deal breaking habits is not marriage material for you!

A guy who is marriage material for you may not be marriage material for another woman. However in-love you are with your guy be candid with yourself and see if there are signs that he might not be marriage material for you after all. Realizing when you are married that your husband was not marriage material for you after all is much more hurting and disruptive then realizing it before marriage.

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Love And Happiness In Marriage

Marriage is a permanent union of love between a man and a woman. It is written that God made woman from man so as to be a companion and helper to him. A companion that would encourage, support, respect, love and edify him. He in turn should committee to be a protector, provider and helper to her in every respect.
When a couple enters into marriage it should be holy in purpose. Meaning that the husband should experience the pure love of his wife's heart as she endeavors to soften and improve his character to make the marriage complete.

Love is a relationship between two humans. In scriptures love is clearly defined because it is the most important aspect of human existence. Love is said to be patient, kind and not jealous or pompous. It is not inflated or rude. It does not seek its own interest. It is not quick tempered and does not brood over injury. Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things and endures all things.

It is said that whoever is without love does not know God. This is because the divine love that comes from God never sought to destroy human love. On the contrary, God's love refines, purify, elevates and ennobles human love and so it is believed that human love can never blossom until it is united with the divine nature of God's love. The reality being that human love seems always aspiring to elevate itself heavenward.

The commitment of marriage without any doubt includes the following: love, unity, respect unconditional support and fidelity. Sex however, is not love and it is not the most important aspect of marriage. Sex is meant for procreation and it is the expression of mutual love, which is a great source of satisfaction, which strengthens a marriage relationship. Therefore a good sex life in marriage is not only a factor of mutual pleasure and procreation but also an essential ingredient in the overall success of a marriage.

Love between couples should enhance the state of happiness with each other. The husband should help wife grow in all aspects of personal development. Each one should administer to the satisfactory existence of the other. Whilst it is important to collude in unity neither of the two should lose their individual identity.

Now, as a couple grows in maturity, understanding and accepting each other's past is very meaningful to help set realistic expectations and having a very positive attitude towards each other so as to foster a valid and successful way of adapting to conjugal life. A couple should make it a habit of communicating frequently on all issues to improve the quality of their relationship. Frequent arguments and misunderstandings can only be resolved through positive communication, forgiveness and apologies.

Also peace is very important in a relationship. To ensure peace and stability it is vital to bring all financial resources together. However, this can only be achieved through open dialogue and the use of simple joint agreements on home and family budgets so as to efficiently manage family income and expenditure. In addition, the divisions of functions have to be above board. Each spouse should accept the delegation of specific task or family responsibility. This is of essence for the couple to achieve success of marriage and ensure that both parties are happy. A certain measure of generosity, flexibility and understanding has to be demonstrated too by both sides. On the social live experience there should be mutual agreement on adaptation to change in the life of each spouse.

It must also be said that happiness is not the easiest thing to achieve in our present times. This is because the obstacles in modern day life are many. The manifestation of self or putting "I" first in everything will destroy the peace and unity of the home and marriage. A couple should be well advised not to command each other about... to do what the other wishes regardless of the consequences. It is not proper and in the best interest of marriage. It should not be practiced because it will affect the retention of each other's love.

For a couple to be truly happy together in marriage some of the important human needs have to be satisfied. A wife is very different to a husband in the way she thinks and perceives things. There are many things that are important to her personally and good for her physique. Included are the following: appreciation and affection through words and actions; need to converse with husband about the things that matters; need for husband who trust her and is honest and hides nothing from her; expects a husband to provide for her and a wife sees the home and family as an important aspect of life. If any or all of the above aspects of the wife needs are neglected she eventually become very unhappy.

The husband's needs are slightly different and it is important for the wife to understand this. The following are generally important to the majority of husbands. Whilst hugs and words of appreciation are important to the wife the husband may not be fulfilled by only this. Husbands need closeness, which can eventually terminating in a sexual encounter; they long for a wife who would willingly accompany him, participate and show interest in his leisure activities; husband desires to have a wife who strives to stay beautiful. Also, men long at all times for a clean and tidy home where everything follows through without hindrances. A husband needs his companion to admire, respect and recognize his achievements. The big as well as the small ones.

Many people refer to marriage as a fine wine that improves and appreciate in value over time, cemented and cast solid through torrents of struggles, pains, disappointments and anxieties that are incapable of drowning true love. Because, when a couples sacrifice themselves generously they become united in purpose, existence and in affection. The outcome no doubt results in true happiness, true love and bliss right here on earth.

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Your Children Need A Good Marriage!

One of the issues I often confront in dealing with family tension is that of priorities. What's more important, marriage or the children? The relationship or getting stuff for the children done? Providing financially or providing emotionally? Having fun or getting work done? Where spouses come down on those issues is often where the tensions develop in a marriage with children.
Some parents feel that because the children are "dependent" they need parents, and the "adult spouse" doesn't need as much. These marriages often become "children-driven," and when the children grow up the marriage dissolves or becomes an "empty nest."
I have consistently taken the position that marriage is the most important of the two, and children benefit enormously from parents who give marriage a priority.
If you are a parent, you are probably trying your best to be a good parent, right? Think for a moment about all the time, energy, and money you put into your children. You take them to school each day, help them with their homework, buy them clothes, wash their clothes, take them to the doctor, plan birthday parties, drive them to baseball practice and make their favorite dinner.
Those are all good and necessary actions, all a part of the "doing" category of parenting. But none of those actions is the most important!
The most important thing YOU can do for your children is to have a GREAT MARRIAGE! If you care for your children, marriage must be your number one priority. Parents who care more about their children than their marriage often end up in divorce or with troubled children. That's the way it works! It's a law of family life just as gravity is a law of physics.
It's hard to be a good parent unless you have a good marriage. Why? Because teaching your children how to succeed in the LOVE department is your most important responsibility. Nothing compares to that responsibility. You can do everything right and run all day as if you are on a treadmill, but if you fail to model love to your spouse in front of your children you have failed in what you have been called to do for them as a parent.
Nothing will be more important in your children's lives than the success of their marriage. And who's going to teach them how to love their spouse. You are! But they won't learn it from what you say; they'll learn it from the life you lead. They'll learn it from your marriage. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear a word you're saying."
If you're struggling in your marriage, it's probably because your parents struggled too. So, who's going to break the cycle? Will you be the one to change things for generations to come? Or will your children suffer the same burden? The ball is in your court!
Whatever you want your children to achieve in their life, you must model for them in some shape or form. You can be the generational bridge in your lineage and build a new path for future generations in your family. It's not easy, but it can be done.
There's nothing better for your children than to be raised in an environment in which their parents have LEARNED to love each other. Love does not just happen. It has to be crafted and cultivated carefully over and over again! But if your children witness true love between you and your spouse, you will give them the greatest gift life has to offer. It's the only gift that keeps on giving!
There's nothing more devastating to a young child than to be the victim of a broken family. Divorce has been described as one of the most violent, brutal, emotionally abusive events committed against innocent children who were brought into the world to be protected by two responsible parents and raised to understand love in the lives of their parents.
I have heard many stories from parents who are in a second marriage. Depending on the age of your children you may have a chance to model "true love" to them in a second marriage, but it's unlikely unless your former spouse is a real loser and your children see the problem. As long as your former spouse is around and is a decent person, your children will forever be left with a broken picture of what love is. That's why I believe that in most cases divorce is not the answer to marriage conflict.
Be a good parent. Do everything you can to succeed with your marriage. Love your spouse regardless of your feelings. Love is not just a feeling! More often than not, love is simply doing what's right for someone else's sake!
I am often asked, "Is it OK to stay married for the sake of children?" My answer is, "Yes! Definitely, yes." Unless you are so selfish that you need to take care of yourself over your children's basic needs, it's always worth it to save a marriage for the sake of the children. Give your children the only gift that keeps on giving forever! The love of your marriage.
You can learn to love your spouse if you follow my simple steps to build your own "True Commitment." Attend one of my seminars, or call me to make an appointment. I will coach you over the phone. Very often, action steps is all it takes to experience the love you long to have in your marriage.
*Just a personal note:
Divorce increases the risk of interpersonal problems in children. There is evidence, both from small qualitative studies and from large-scale, long-term empirical studies, that many of these problems last for a life time. In fact, they even become worse in adulthood.

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Instruments of a Successful Marriage

From earliest times of the ritual of marriage, couples were sent away with music of various instruments. Music is a major part of people's lives and often music is a big part of people's careers. If we compare musical instruments to the characteristics of a successful marriage, we find the keys to a lasting relationship. Instruments that can represent the keys to success are cymbals, violin, harp, piano, and trumpet. A couple whose goal is success will work together to make beautiful music that will last up to and beyond the passing of a spouse.
Musical cymbals represent the harmony that is needed throughout marriage. You will find there are many factors that will affect the harmony of your marital roles. Changeable conditions like health, family unit members, environment, socioeconomic level, or personal aspirations can be like clanging cymbals. In an orchestra, conductors must blend cymbals to harmonize with the other instruments. A couple must work together to synchronize their roles as wife and husband. As you strive together with love, you will find harmony. Without harmony, you will be like two cymbals clanging.
The violin represents commitment. When you take your marriage vows, take them with the idea that your marriage will last into eternity. In making a commitment to marriage, the two individuals must blend together for success. A violinist depends upon a bow and a violin to make beautiful music. The bow and the violin are completely different. The bow has a function that is separate from the violin. Yet, the two parts perform together to produce a melodious sound. It is the same in marriage. You have different backgrounds, ideas and talents. However, it will take both of you to make the beautiful music of a successful marriage.
A harp symbolizes love. Love in marriage is like playing pleasing music on a harp with strings. A maestro is motivated by the love of the sound to practice many long hours to perfect his skill. In marriage love motivates the good manners of kindness and patience within marriage. Take notice of the little things that you love about one another. Recall these loving actions when things do not go the way you would prefer and when you seem to be clashing cymbals. Be willing to make sacrifices to keep your love strong. Loving gestures will reflect in the music of your marriage. During a musical performance, an audience often judges a musician's love of playing the harp by the expression on his or her face. Without ever saying a word, the maestro reveals his or her pleasure with the musical sound. In the similar way, couples that love each other will show their happiness and fulfillment in their actions and their faces, as well as their words. Disparaging remarks about your partner in front of other people is like a harp out of tune. When a spouse grows weary showing love to the other, often marriage will be discarded in divorce. Marriage partners are like a musician that plays melodious harp music; they reflect love and pleasure for one another.
Communication in marriage is often like playing a piano or organ with many different sounding notes. If a musician plays a wrong note or key on a piano, the listener is not pleased. In marriage if partners do not have open and frank communication with each other and God, the marriage will go off key and will suffer. Avoid worrying over the little things in marriage. Talk about problems. Discuss children, financial concerns, career changes and spiritual matters. Consider each other's opinion. Reflect upon the value of having someone to share your most important events in life. Open communication and careful planning often eliminates worry and anxiety and avoids the distasteful sound of wrong notes.
The trumpet of marriage unity makes a successful sound for a couple. Often a trumpet is played to show respect or reverence of someone's life. It has been said that a person often toots his/her own horn. In marriage, two must unify and merge into one family unit. You should seek to toot the horn of success together. When you are united through the bond of matrimony, seek the will of God in all your decisions. Call upon Him in Jesus' name to provide you with wisdom and guidance. Unify with politeness, forgiveness and kindness to one another. Show respect for your marriage partner. Proclaim the victory of your success by being respectful and honorable to one another. Be like a musician with a trumpet that sounds loudly and clearly.
When a couple exchanges vows amid music and shouts of joyous celebration, two individuals are starting a new life together. As a family unit, they are like musicians performing a harmonious and melodious new song music with their instruments. Musical instruments like cymbals, harp, piano, violin, and trumpet can remind couples of the characteristics for a successful marriage. The sweet sounds of harmony, commitment, love, communication and unity are the instruments of a successful marriage.

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How To Build Lasting Love In Your Marriage

Do you desire to have lasting love in your marriage? This is surely the wish of many Christian couples, however many of their relationships are either struggling or collapsing. This is not God's desire for any of His children. This article aims at enlightening you on how to build lasting love in your marriage.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail... - I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV).
Marriage is a spiritual institution and so should not be entered into or followed in the flesh, you need the help of God. Marriage is more than mere "I DO" though it's part of the beginning. It is the bonding of a woman and a man spirit, soul and body. That's why if you have sex, which is of marriage, with a harlot you become one with her and reap the consequences of it, the wrath of God.
For one to have lasting love in marriage you must know LOVE Himself. God is love (I John 4:8)! How much you know Him determines how lasting your love for your spouse will be. Your love for God determines how much you will love your spouse. I'm not talking about Eros (Love of the body or sexual desire) or Philia (Brotherly love), though you need them in marriage. I am talking about Agape love if lasting love is what you desire to have in your marriage. You need to love your spouse with the love of God. It will always pass the test of time. Others may fail but not Agape love.
God's kind of love
The scriptures in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 give a description of what God's love is. This is how to love your spouse, no conditions attached. That was how Jesus loved us that while we were yet sinners He died for us. God expects us to love our spouses like Jesus loves us. You are to love him or her, not because he or she loves you but essentially because you love God and you want to please Him. Otherwise, if you ever think that your spouse doesn't love you again, you may quit loving him.
What next?
In marriage, it's not about what you can get from your spouse or what he or she can give you; it is about what you can give him or her. Marriage is about what you can contribute into his or her life. God thought about marriage and instituted it because He felt something was missing in Adam and He made a helpmeet for Him. So, in marriage you are to supply whatever may be lacking in your spouse. You are not to get him or her to supply what is lacking in you; that shouldn't be your focus. For you to have lasting love, you need to mind your own part of responsibility and believe God to help your spouse do his or her own part.
The truth is that if you are depending on your spouse to make you happy you will be in trouble. He or she doesn't have the capacity to do that. Your happiness and joy lie in God. If He fulfills it through your husband or wife, that's great. But you must choose to solely depend on God for everything in your marriage. Choose to please God all the time and you will always please your spouse, and he or she will reciprocate same to you. Jesus, desiring to please God, the Father, always was a blessing to the people.
Furthermore, you can't love and not give. You may give without loving, but there is no way you will love and not give: your time, energy, and resources. Giving is living. God showed what it means to love by giving His only Son and there is nothing else He won't give you. Therefore, learn to give your best and all to your spouse.
In conclusion, do you desire to have a lasting love in marriage, then first know God (who is Love) and obey His instructions, choose to please your spouse, putting him or her first before you and make giving a lifestyle in your relationship and you will be building a lasting love in your relationship.

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Three Strands of a Christian Marriage

A Christian marriage celebrates a special bond of love, hope and faith between a man, a woman and God. Married couples take vows at their wedding to be faithful to each other and to God throughout their entire lives. Social research has shown that marriages last longer when husband and wife attend church together.
The Christian Bible contains many encouraging words about marriage. In the Gospels, Jesus tells His disciples, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." Jesus defends marriage and warns against divorce. Jesus transforms water into wine at Cana, which celebrates a new marriage. The Book of Revelation compares Jerusalem to as the bride of God.
If you are seeking a more meaningful relationship with your spouse or if you are preparing for marriage as an engaged couple, here are three cords of faith, hope and love that you can weave together in the tapestry of your life to make the blessings of marriage more present.
Faith is the first strand. Faith in your marriage, faith in each other, faith in God's presence are the underlying building blocks of a lasting and happy marriage. You express faith by the way you communicate with your spouse and your family. Your intention to grow closer in a Christian marriage relationship with your spouse and with God is what makes for a strong, lasting love.
Many Christian marriage counselors and pastors agree that marriage is all about relationship. Being in a relationship means sharing personal feelings and thoughts by telling your spouse in person or in writing. The same is true of prayer. Both husband and wife are individuals and have personal relationships with Jesus Christ. Yet, one of a couple's Christian marriage goals is to pray together.
The second is hope. Hope is the conviction of things not seen. Hope is the expectation that what you will receive what you desire and achieve what you work for. Hope is based on faith and confidence that God in Christ will bring about new life.
It is an act of hope to imagine what it would be like to have a Christian marriage relationship that lasts a lifetime. In the United States, marriages have a high failure rate. Over 55% of first-time marriages end in divorce. You can use the virtue of hope to live out Christian marriage vows by focusing on drawing power from God to strengthen your relationship.
In the third chapter of his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul writes, "Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us..." God has the power to bring about the vision of a lasting marriage of love, joy, peace, goodness, happiness, service and more. The value of a Christian marriage is the confidence that Jesus is risen and present in the marriage as a third partner.
Love is the third strand of a healthy and lasting marriage. Love is the most important teaching of Christ that finds its highest calling in a Christian marriage relationship. Consider the love chapter, Chapter Thirteen, from St. Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. Love is the most important trait of a Christian life. "Love is patient and kind... Love rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails."
Love is the fruit of faith, by believing in all things. Love is the flower of hope by enduring and persevering. Love is the presence and power of God in your marriage that brings you joy, peace, security and happiness.
Your married life is an example of the Christian life that witnesses to your spouse, your family, your church, and society. A Christian marriage allows you to be a role model to those who are skeptical about the value of marriage and be a light to those who are seeking more faith, hope and love in their lives.

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The 7 Truths I Learned After One Year of Marriage

On September 5th, my wife and I celebrated our first year anniversary. It's hard to believe that a whole year has actually past. It feels like only a few days ago that we were stressing over guest lists, decorations and insane parents. I still remember how things came to a head the day before the wedding and my then fiance and I had a major blowout and didn't speak till 2hours before the service! At the time, I doubted everything in my life except gravity but today we are so much stronger and better people than we were back then.
The bible in the Book of Deuteronomy 24:5, advises that recently married couples should take the first year off to learn to love one another. I cannot overstate how vital this can be towards a successful marriage in the long haul. I wish I could have had a proper year but someone needs to put food on the table right?
The past year has been such a powerful experience for me as a man. I have debunked so many myths, learned so many truths and I believe in the process, become more of a man than I've ever been before. I would like to share some key learning's with you now.
Marriage (and life) is not about you!
Yes, that's right. It's not about you. Ha, no one likes to here that one. Marriage is about spending the rest of your life consciously choosing to love your spouse 110% and help them become everything that God created them to be. It's a bitter pill to swallow. Most of us get married thinking about what we're going to get out of marriage. Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever. This self-centered mentality will always and has always led to poor marriages and divorce. Marriage is about giving up yourself for the benefit of your spouse. Only when you give of yourself selflessly, consistently, genuinely and tirelessly will you have an awesome marriage. So what about my needs you ask? Why get married if I get nothing out of this? Well actually you do get a lot out of marriage. I mentioned them already; Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever J Seriously though, the funny thing about marriage is this. If you chose the right partner (and often, even if it was the wrong one), God has worked it out that whatever you pour into your marriage, you will receive back in equal measure and more. So what I discovered was, the more I lay down my selfish desires and focus on fulfilling my wife's needs, the more my wife would work at fulfilling mine. Ha?! Who'd have thought it?
Marriage is very hard work.
I can almost hear all the groans at that one. Yes, marriage is work and hard work at that too. In any way you color it, it simply isn't easy for any two people with totally different upbringing, cultures and thinking to live together as a unit and you expect it to be seamless. If anyone told you that this will be a stroll on the beach, well, they lied. And you should sue them. Now. You could use the extra money anyway. To make a marriage work, there is a lot of sacrifice, sweat, tears and sometimes even blood. There will be fights over silliness like, should the toothpaste be squeezed in the middle or the bottom. There will be anger, frustrations and crying over unmet expectations. There will be brokenness. There will be soccer nights and soap nights. There will be snoring and there will be farting. There will be in-laws and out-laws. There will be babies.So you see, there has to be a lot of work to make this work. Any man can tell you it's a lot of work to sit still and listen to a woman. We're just hopeless at emotional, touchy feeling sharing times. It's a lot of work for women to understand her mans fundamental need for respect even when he doesn't deserve it. It's hard work to find the time to make love between diaper changes and 12 hour work days. Marriage is a lot of hard work. The upside is, when you do it right, it's the most rewarding hard work you'll ever do.
Love is not a feeling and only God can provide the added juice!
Hmmm. Yes. Love is not a feeling. The bible tells us that there are different kinds of love. Eros- sexual love, Phileos- affectionate friendly love and Agape-Unconditional love. Now the greatest of these is Agape. It has nothing to do with feelings. It's a daily, moment by moment choice to do whatever is in the highest good for another. In marriage, we basically start with Eros - sexual love or emotional love. It quickly fades after a few months, even the honeymoon. I first heard from someone close to me long ago said in "Marriage, love is not enough" I didn't get it at first but what it means is that the emotional love will not take you through marriage. You will need Agape love to get through those incredibly tough times when you can't stand your spouse. When your husband comes home late for the umpteenth time after hanging out with the boys, only a God enabled choice can allow you to greet him with a smile and serve him his dinner and ask him how his day was as you massage his shoulders. So yes, you will need Agape love to make your marriage last and it's only by the grace and love of God that you can be able to show the same to your spouse.
Marriage can propel or break a man
We have all heard the great adage; behind every great man there is a great woman. And behind every black man, are the police! But yeah, this is another truth I've come to learn in the last year. In Genesis 2, God says, it's not good for man to be alone so let us create a suitable helper. The plan of God is for men to have dominion over the earth. Now, women's activists should slow down before they bite my head off. What that means is that we are supposed to work hard and subdue the earth in order to prosper. But there is a catch. We cannot do it alone. We need the input, encouragement, respect and help of a good woman. Yeah boy's you heard me, you can do great things but you can do unimaginable things with a great woman in your life. My wife, God bless her, is one of those awesome women. I have in the last year become so much more of a man in thought, character and spirit than in the last 29 years. I can see that I'm going to accomplish incredible things in my life. Boys, you need a woman who is your number one fan, who believes in you no matter what, who praises you and worships the ground you walk on. Trust me, ladies out there and men, if this is how a man is treated, he will always do great things.Of course the corollary is true. A bad woman can destroy even the best of men. It's incredible the amount of influence women have on us men. If used wrongly, it can lead any man down a path of destruction. I've seen good men become liars, cheats and thieves because of a woman in his life. Wars have begun because of women, the Great battle of Troy. So what's my point? Men, be very careful when choosing a wife because she can either make you or break you.
Marriage is not a 50/ 50 partnership.
This is one of the greatest myths people have when going into marriage. It's not a 50/ 50 partnership. It's a 100/ 100 partnership. If you go into this thinking you can give just 50% and your partner will do the other 50%, you will be disappointed. Marriage requires both parties go into this giving 100% of themselves, their time, their resources, their souls. If you are holding back, having a secret bank account, not opening up to each other fully or being honest, not forging and being compassionate, I can guarantee you that your marriage will never be as full and holistic as you'd like. Someone close to my wife advised her to have a secret bank account hidden from me so that she can keep a lifestyle for herself. The basic concept of "My money (hers) is my money and your money (mine) is our money" She disregarded this advice much to the gain of our marriage. Total disclosure and openness has fostered a level of trust and intimacy that I cannot describe. You cannot afford to withhold any part of yourself in Marriage if you wanted to have a great one. Marriage is about two people becoming one, that's two wholes becoming one, not two halves.
Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like
As most of you know, throughout my blogging I haven't hidden the fact that I believe the world is in dire need of real men. There are too many boys running around messing up the world for the rest of us. Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like. Marriage has shown me that real men are;

• Family Conscious- They prioritize their wife and kids above all other worldly things. Nothing except God takes priority over them.
• Responsible- They don't blame anyone for their life or circumstances.
• Providers- They take care of their family and those who have no one to help them.
• Protectors- protects his family physically, emotionally and spiritually.
• Priests - A man was designed by God to be the spiritual head of his home, to pray and intercede for them. A real man is tied into Jesus.
• Teachers - A man is a teacher. He has to teach those under his care the right way to live and do things as shown to him by God.
• Principled - Men have to have N.U.T.S Non negotiable Unalterable Terms. Principles of virtue, integrity, character, discipline, kindness, leadership etc by which they live.
• Selfless - Real men are not self-centered. They live their lives to make the lives of others better according to God's love.
• Diligent Hard workers - Real men are diligent hard workers. They work hard to provide for their families and provide a secure future for them leaving a wholesome legacy for their children.

Life doesn't always go according to plan but often times works out a whole lot better.
This is a funny one. In life we all have plans. When I'm twenty I'll do this. When I get a promotion, I'll do that. When I get married, I'll do that. But life likes to throw curve balls. My wife and I planned a simple small wedding which we would pay for ourselves. EEEEHH! Wrong. We planned to go to a certain exotic place for our honeymoon. EEEHHH! Wrong again. We planned to spend the first two years without children so we could enjoy us. EEEHHH! Wrong again. What happened. Well, we had a small wedding but we didn't manage to pay for it ourselves. We didn't end up in the exotic spot but instead discovered a beautiful suburban location is South Africa that is now on my top 5 holiday destinations forever. We didn't get to have our two years but every day when I look at our daughter, I melt with awe and joy. The lesson is, even though you don't get what you plan, you can often time get something a whole lot better than you had planned. Lesson, don't sweat it. For every lost plan, there is a bigger and better one. You just have to keep an open mind.
I can clearly tell you though, there is still quite a lot for me to learn but I'm looking forward to learning them all. What I can say is, marriage is a beautiful and wonderful institution when God is in the midst of it. It's challenging but rewarding and the best human relationship of all. To those who aren't married and want to, I encourage you to. Those who are married and having a rough time, there's always hope.
Shalom.

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