My Husband Is Always Unhappy No Matter What I Do. I'm Getting Tired Of It

It can be very hurtful and frustrating when your spouse constantly complains about a certain level of unhappiness despite improvements that you've tried to make. You might think that you've addressed his concerns, only to turn around and find that he is sullen and unhappy again. It can begin to feel like there's really nothing that you can do to brighten things. Which is when you start to wonder if it's not you or your marriage that is the issue - but him.
A wife might say, "it's probably been about eighteen months since my husband has been telling me how unhappy he is all of the time. At first, I thought that maybe he was just going through a rough time and blowing off steam, but he never stopped complaining. So, I really tried to make our home life less stressful. I tried to be cheerful and upbeat. But it doesn't seem to matter what I do. It's like he's a broken record with his unhappiness. And recently, I've noticed that it isn't just me or our marriage - it's everything. If we go to a restaurant, he finds fault with the food. He talks behind his coworkers' backs, which he never used to do before. He acts like his favorite sports team loses on purpose just to make him angry. It's like he's just sour about everything. I'm starting to think that he is just a miserable person and I don't know how to deal with him anymore."
I understand your frustration. When my husband and I were separated, he went through something similar. It was like he found fault with every aspect of his life. We spent a short amount of time in counseling and the counselor told him that he had to find a source of happiness within himself rather than expecting it to come from other people, external sources, or his marriage. She told him that a marriage can't "make" you happy. But it can add or enhance happiness. At the time, he did not want to hear this. But now that time has passed and he has some additional perspective, he can see that she was right. At the same time, I am not sure what I could have said or done to shake him out of this. It was something that he had to realize, tackle, and navigate on his own. I could only provide support, which I tried very hard to do.
I tell you this to validate your suspicions. When someone finds fault with literally everything, then they are struggling with more things that your marriage. Sometimes, there are very valid and unavoidable reasons for this. For example, my mom recently went through a health crisis and her personality completely changed. She went from being patient and relatively content to someone who was constantly angry, bitter, and critical. I now realize that most of her behavior was due to the fact that she was in physical pain (from which she got no relief.) But many people can have the same reaction when they are stuck in emotional pain.
So how can you help him if he's in emotional pain? I'm not sure if he would go to counseling, but that is usually the most effective option. If he is resistant, you could tell him that you are going for your marriage and then you could mention the issue to the counselor, who would hopefully help you to effectively address it. This might also help you both to get to the real source of the unhappiness. I am not a mental health professional, so all I could really offer to my husband was to listen and to support. And I learned that it was not helpful to debate with him. It always backfired on me when I tried to point out that his perceptions were harsh or negative. That just made things worse because he would get defensive. I learned to not make judgements and to tell myself that he was just looking for someone to listen to and validate him.
That said, if he's truly being cruel and disrespectful, then you can certainly say something about it. You don't have to constantly be the source of his criticism. Sometimes, if you try really hard to have an empathetic conversation, you will get more important information. You might try, "honey, I hear you. And I've been hearing this for a while, which is why I feel like I'm not effectively addressing the problem. Can you share with me the biggest source of your unhappiness? What can I do to make things better? What actions could I specifically take to increase your happiness levels? If I better understand the issues, then I can better address them."
By asking for very specific details, you're trying to limit his ability to just vaguely complain. Because that gets you nowhere and frustrates everyone. At least if you can get him to be very, very specific in his complaints and in his unhappiness, you can try to effectively address it. But at the end of the day, it is his unhappiness. And sometimes, the real changes need to come from the person who is unhappy. Unfortunately, they can sometimes take a while to see this clearly. Until then, your best bet is to try to find professional or self help and to be their unconditional support system. Because usually, if they become more happy within themselves, they magically become more happy within the marriage.

As I alluded to before, one of the reasons that my husband and I separated was because of his unhappiness.  We both worked on ourselves and on our marriage, but his lack of happiness was also a product of himself, which he had to address.  Once he did, this changed many things.  We did eventually reconcile and are still married today. You can read more at http://isavedmymarriage.com

Secrets to a Successful Relationship That Can Lead to Marriage

You don't just check in and check out of a relationship if you want it to progress into marriage. for a relationship to be successful, it should be backed up with prayer. With prayer, your relationship will progress into marriage and more prayer will make your marriage divorce-proof.
For your relationship to metamorphose into marriage, you need the "she stoop to conquer" attitude. It requires constant attention and planning to make a relationship turn into marriage.Marriage is honourable in all things and the bed undefiled. there is need to consciously work out the marriage plans with your partner regularly. a relationship that will lead to marriage is not run on love alone, it also runs on friendship and trust.
Be a friend to your partner. To love the right person you also have to be the right person to be loved. A caring man will cook for his woman, and also help in cleaning some of her chores, and vice versa. Don't let any form of indecency creep into your relationship. For your relationship to be successful, you have to be addressed the way you are dressed. don't be fooled, most men don't fancy a "hot chick' for marriage. And most ladies don't like their men to be egotistic. They can enjoy all the enjoyables in the relationship process, but when it boils down to marriage, they settle for a decent and virtues character.
There comes a season in a man's life that all his un-married female partners will look up to him for marriage. There also comes a time in a woman's life when all her male friends look at her for marriage. There is no marriageable age, but there is a marriageable character. the earlier the preparation during the relationship stage, the sooner the marriageable season. For a successful relationship to transform into marriage, don't looking at the outward appearance or physical attributes. outward appearance could sometimes be deceiving, but good values are important. The secrets for a successful relationship to lead to marriage are:
1. Choose your relationship partner wisely: A relationship that can lead to marriage takes understanding, patience and love. Line upon line, precepts upon precepts. sometime, a partner may have to ignore some nonsense. The idea is to make the relationship successful and not how it became a success. By careful observation of the character patterns of your partner in a relationship, you will easily know who you can spend the rest and the best of your life with. You lover doesn't have to put your relationship on probation if you mistakenly breaks his your I-phone x.
2. Good and effective communication is very necessary for a relationship to lead to marriage. In a successful relationship, both partners settle their relationship between themselves. Women are moved by what they hear: and they easily give back to you with the same measure you give them.30 minutes a day of effective communication with your partner cannot be compared to 9 months of labour pains when she becomes your spouse and gets pregnant with your baby. You don't enter into a relationship to change your partner. You conform to the character of your lover, you need to manage what you've got. Enjoy the good, manage the bad, and ignore the ugly side of your lover, so that the relationship will lead to your marriage. In mathematics, 90/100 is excellent. Learn to communicate without shouting or quarrelling with your partner during heated discussion. Prove your manhood/womanhood by daily improving your communication skills with your partner. It is not everything you need to argue about. ignore some things for the relationship to be successful. Talk to your partner with respect. Appreciate your partner always. Learn to say "I am sorry" and "thank you" to your partner at the slightest opportunity. Work out your relationship success with Love and patience. practice make perfect.

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How To Keep The Romance And Passion In Love Relationships - The Key And Goal Couples Should Know

In love relationships some people express what I like to call the sweet heartache of love; it is the racing beat of the heart, the butterflies or flutters in the stomach, or the wondering thoughts that make the mind daydream. Holding on to the initial emotions of feeling truly, madly and deeply in love is a challenge most couples face. As time progress or changes occur, couples ability to withstand life changes together is compromised by the predictability of familiarity. Familiarity is practice through the act of dating, the stage of having fun while getting to know a person. The catch is familiarity cannot stop or become stagnant, there must be room for new life experiences for love relationships to grow; in turn, couples should not stop dating in order to keep the romance and passion in their relationship fresh.

The Key of Dating

The key is to never stop what started a love relationship, in order to stay on top the demands of life. As the reality of life begins to settle in, couples have a tendency to get comfortable or familiar with each other. Couples may often no longer work towards impressing one another. They may begin a family which takes additional time away from their love relationship; they no longer have the time or the energy to put into their relationship. With that said, it is crucial to take the time and make the effort to sustain love. To do so couples should never stop dating, including the activities of romance and passion that goes along with dating.

The Goal of Dating

The goal is to keep the excitement, romance, passion, and spontaneity active in love relationships. Never assume that you totally know the person you are with, always keep in mind that different aspects of that person will change while you are together. Overtime, a person has new life changing experiences, both good and bad. Dating will enable couples to keep up with the individual changes that are occurring and impacting their love relationship. Couples should make dating a fun priority or required quality time spent together as a couple. Spending time together could be something simple as a scented candle light bubble bath or something elaborate as a Caribbean cruise.

Conclusion

The mistake most people make is believing love will conquer all, which is partly true; the whole truth is love can conquer all when sustained. Love relationships require hard work considering the changes people go through in their lifetime. Withstanding the changes of growing together as a couple is the biggest challenge of love relationships. In order for couples to keep their relationship fresh, dating should be implemented as a fun priority; it is crucial that couples take the time and make the effort to keep romance and passion in their relationships through dating.

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Strengthening Tip 4 to Achieving a Loving Relationship

Our fourth relationship tip is built on the give-re-give principle. Often known as give and take.
Let's face it, we are not able to give and give and give some more, without ever getting our own cup filled. Eventually we will end up empty and find ourselves having nothing left to give. Healthy, loving relationships are built on working together towards the common good of the relationship and each other. It's easier said than done and it does take work on both people's part to ensure that the exchange remains balanced.
What's important to your partner?
Everyone has different needs to refilling their cup. One partner may be able to recharge his battery through a sexual exchange while the other partner may refill their cup by receiving tender caresses or a massage. What many people assume is that their partner likes what they like. So if you like to receive a massage to refill your battery and you are inclined to assume that it must automatically recharge your partner's battery, then you may be headed for trouble.
A loving relationship gives to the other person what they need, not what they would need for themselves. It takes great communication style to find out what the other needs. And it's really simple: just ask (and then remember).
It's not about winning
In order to maintain loving relationships it's really important that in learning about your partner's needs that you do not keep a record of who gave to whom and how much. If you approach your relationship by keeping tabs on who gave what, your relationship is doomed from the beginning. If both partners can keep the health of the relationship at their center, they in doing so protect the relationship. If both people do this, then they will also give to the relationship freely and without holding a record of what was given.
A good way of knowing when a loving relationship is imbalanced towards one partner is by checking both partner's happiness levels and stress levels. Generally speaking, if one person feels exhausted most of the time or is even sick more often than not, it is likely that a review is in order. Perhaps one person has been taking a bit too much without giving in return?
At times it happens that one partner is going through something personal, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a business, and so on, and the other person is holding down the fort, being the stronger one. These times don't last forever and time is a great healer. Do bare with each other during trying times so that in due time you can enjoy your new loving relationship by applying the balanced give-re-give principle.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7536410

Love Relationships - What It Takes To Make Love Relationships Work

At one point in my life I thought I could write poetry so I did, I wrote a poetry entitled Love. I was quiet proud of myself, I even nicknamed myself Lyrical One. In reality it was not a very good poem, but at that time I thought it was. The poem was about human love relationships and divine love relationships. In human relationships I defended love by pointing out the errors of human nature. In divine love relationships I pointed out the unconditional love from within.
Today there are more people looking for love than there are people in love. Why is that? I think love has now become a fantasy, a dream, a figment of the imagination, a possible impossibility. The divorce rate is high with money and infidelity being the leading causes; there is a rise in domestic violence resulting in death and suicide; women are portrayed as sex objects in the media; the rate of teenage pregnancy and single parenting continues to rise; and recently bullying has become a major problem resulting in children and teenagers committing suicide. Clearly there is a lack of love in human relationships.
The fact is love requires hard work, commitment and perseverance. In the beginning of love relationships people go through what is called the honeymoon phase. Love is new and exciting and couples tend to fall in love with the feelings of being in love. Once the honeymoon phase is over and reality sets in, some couples tend to encounter conflict, and they may no longer feel the same as they did in the beginning of the relationship. The feeling of love begins to drift away and habits that were cute in the beginning become annoying. Some couples are able to bounce back, some never do.
I believe one of the biggest challenges of love is growing together. As individuals we change as we grow older; our habits, likes and dislikes are altered. For example, people who dated in college and met again 20 years later, have to get reacquainted because so much about each person has changed over the years. It takes effort to grow together as a couple, as each partner changes interests they should simultaneously acknowledge and support each other's changes.
My observational experience from being around older couples that have been married for 40, 50, and 60 years is love thrives on consistency. Most couples felt the same way about each other as they did when they first met. The common factor among these couples was consistency; they did the same things they did when they first met. They talked, went out on dates, were romantic, and enjoyed each other's company. The common factor among all these couples was friendship; they were each other's best friend. I then concluded that couples should like and love each other.
My poem ended with my experience of unconditional love on a day to day basis. I wrote about self love which I later realized can be spiritual in nature. Love begins from within, a popular statement is "one must love oneself before anyone can love him or her." This statement has been proven true time and time again when addressing the problem of people looking for someone to make them happy or to love them.
It is my humble opinion that people should try being friends before becoming lovers. It is possible to love but not like a person. I believe this happens when people are not exactly compatible. Two people can love each other because they share some strong desirable qualities. But overall not like each other because there are qualities they simply do not like about each other, which happen to progress overtime. Despite the statistics of failing relationships, I truly believe that love can be successful when done right, and love can be a beautiful thing when you know how to love.

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Love Relationship Advice - How to Find True Love and Make It Last a Lifetime

Even though it is easy to fall in love it is not so easy to find true love. And while finding someone to have a relationship with is relatively easy, being able to make it last a lifetime seems to be the problem for many people. Love relationship advice can make the difference and help couples find their true love, build a happy strong relationship and make it last their lifetime.
Nowadays there are so many different ways of meeting someone; places like the bar and clubs have been super-ceded by online dating sites on the internet, but places like interest or hobby clubs are still good places to meet people who have something in common with you from the start. The safest way to meet someone is still through another friend or family member as a form of recommendation.
When you first get together everything is lovely and your new partner is "the one." They know just what you like and the two of you connect on so many different levels, and they are so considerate and thoughtful, hanging on your every word. And there is nothing wrong with this, but where do you go to from there?
As your relationship goes on you begin to see the cracks... he does not show you the same attentiveness as in the beginning, she does not hang on your every word any more... Perhaps familiarity does breed contempt?
So how do you prevent these things from happening?
Here are 3 things to watch out for in your relationship with your love. By avoiding these, you can improve your chances of making your relationship last for the rest of your life.
1. Sex and Love - many people, especially younger couples, confuse sex with love. This can be because men and women view sex slightly differently. Men see sex as an expression of their masculinity, whereas women see sex as an expression of love and it is for them an emotional experience. Women can think that because he wants to have sex with her he must love her, and yes, it can be an expression of love but not till he knows he loves her in his head and heart. Some might say that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love.
It is better to go slow in this area and be sure of how you feel about each other before committing to a physical relationship. Once begun, it is unrealistic to think that a couple would stop in order to clarify their feeling for one another. And the hormones that are produced by engaging in sex affect how you think and feel about your partner, and can blind you to things you need to be cautious of.
After some time in your relationship, the sexual side of your relationship can become routine and even a little stale. As you become more comfortable with each other, you may not seem to need sexual encounters the same as you once did and this does not mean that you do not love each other as much anymore, but rather other aspects of your relationship may have grown and deepened.
At this time it is important to talk with each other, find out what your mate wants or needs in this area, and do a revamp from time to time. Sex now should be an expression of love and a time for emotional connection and bonding. It can be a richer experience that the hot steamy desperate rush of young love.
While sex is an important part of a relationship it does not define it. It is still only part of building a good loving relationship.
2. Unrealistic Expectations - it is very easy when in a new relationship to think that your new love is perfect, and you have a specific definition for perfect in your mind. Unfortunately so does your new love. And, as your relationship develops, you can think that your partner "should" be like... your parent, or not like your parent, in other words, you have a mental checklist of what they should be like and how they would treat you.
The other aspect of this problem is that the perfect partner you fell in love with begins to change before your eyes. They stop doing those thoughtful things they did when you first met and start behaving differently. Perhaps they had been putting their "best foot" forward and were now reverting to who they really are.
If you find that you can't love them as they are then you will need to let them go, or you could change your expectations and learn to love them for who they are as you would like them to do for you. Loving someone is to love and accept them, warts and all.
3. Communication Breakdown - women and men think and converse in different ways and the trick is to learn each other's language. It takes time to be able to communicate effectively with each other and this is not any more so than for any other relationship.
Communication is the most difficult skill to learn but also potentially the most rewarding. It is the oil for the wheel of love that makes the world turn round.
Sometimes men and women will just give up saying that "it is a man thing," that he can't talk about it (in actual fact, he won't) or that "it is just girl talk," because he does not want to listen, thinking that she does not have anything interesting to say. This way of thinking, pulls down any chance of building a loving intimate relationship, because while going together can start with a physical attraction, it is the mental and emotional connection that builds on that to form a strong close relationship.
In order to be able to move forward together in a long-term relationship, a couple needs to find a way to communicate with each other, so they understand each other and have shared goals and dreams that they work together toward.
They need to be able to work together on a daily basis by using effective communication, and this takes time to achieve.
I hope that this love relationship advice can help you find your true love and make it last a lifetime. By knowing what to look for and having realistic expectations of what it takes to build a loving strong connection with someone you love, you improve your chances of making it work. Having a close in-depth loving partnership with the person of your dreams means having your feet firmly planted on the ground, and being able to enjoy the blessing of being together.

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Is There Hope After Being Scorned by Love?

Love, this four-letter word with many components is simple yet complex. On some aspects, you can experience feelings of blissfulness and joy but on others, it can leave you jaded. I remember conversations about love and how this culprit could make me lose myself. People would advise against such an experience stating it will make you do foolish things.
How is it that this "thing" called love gets you compared to being a fool? That is not alluring by any means. Needless to say, I was not entertained by love due to the negative connotation it sometimes possesses. These misguided words of wisdom made me afraid to experience it. Consequently, when I did toy with love I made every attempt to keep my feelings at bay. I would tell myself he needs to love me more than I love him. This would prevent me from experiencing detriment in the event the relationship did not last.
Then, one day it happened. I went too far, let my guard down too much, and just like that I was experiencing love and enjoying it. I discovered that being vulnerable and naked without boundaries was not that bad, until the BIG BREAK-UP. That indescribable love ended abruptly leaving me heartbroken. I felt like I had experienced heartbreak syndrome. I thought "LOVE SUCKS!" How quickly I reverted back to the lessons learned from my youth. I was angry and briefly, the break-up caused me to somehow feel bad even about myself. I always thought I was pretty solid when it came to my self-esteem & self-worth but unbeknownst to me, I was slipping into low self-esteem & the lack of self-love.
After that brief horrible phase in life and some self-reflection, I pulled it back together. I found a deep appreciation for myself. Self-love is the first love!

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection"- Buddha

I truly came to a great place in life where I love me some me. I am grateful for my appearance, my quirks, my style, and my imperfections. I learned to take out time for myself and I pamper myself to the fullest. So yeah, I'm pretty awesome!
Once I reconnected to that need in life only then was I ready and up for tackling love once again.

Self-love is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself- Author unknown

I thought about the past situation and had an epiphany that love does not suck at all. Love, in fact, was not the villain. Ernest Hemingway said it best
"Better to lost and loved than never to have loved at all."
I made a choice to remember the perks of love vs the aftermath of a broken promises. The emotions and feelings that I felt or that I feel when I'm in love are incredible. I choose to focus on the glass being half full and I am careful not lose sight of that optimism. There is hope for a person scorned by love because there was hope for me. Since that failed love I have loved again and again and again. You get the point.
With every opportunity to love, I have learned how to love even better. I am truly a self-taught hopeless romantic and a lover of love. I acknowledge my feelings and emotions. Some would argue that love is not a feeling but I beg to differ. I feel the love in my heart just as I felt that heartbreak. I created a new-found gratitude for this so-called bad thing. When you are given the opportunity to love and when love is reciprocated it can be a wonderful adventure.
If you are jaded by love, you should revisit this amazing feeling/emotion. You get what you put out so I challenge you to be attentive to what you are displaying. If you feel love always fails, guess it will always fail. If you believe love is an illusion, then the love you experience will likely be just that. I encourage you to give it another shot because we have all had epic fails when it comes to love but it is your choice on how you wish to remember it.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9944095

How To Get The Love You Deserve

Love is a powerful emotion; it can nourish, invigorate, encourage, validate and heal. Love is the essence of who we are and the core of our existence. Where there is love, there is no fear, anger or hatred. We yearn for love as it is our birthright and whether or not we received it unconditionally as a child, our heart aches for it.
First and foremost, I do want to say to you, "YOU DESERVE LOVE!" "YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD!" We are all deserving of love. It is our birthright although we may have been conditioned otherwise. Some of you may not feel worthy or deserving of love, some of you may be afraid to love, and some of you may have just decided that love is not something that you ever want to open your self up to.
But the big question remains: How do you get the love you deserve? You have likely heard the answer before, however, not one that most want to hear. Love is within you! You just have to open yourselves up to giving and receiving it. If this answer irritates you, like it once did me, it is understandable. You see, we are a society of quick fixes, instant gratification, and simple solutions and, unfortunately, this is an inside job.
So if it is inside us, you ask, why can't I feel it? The answer is simple, yet complex. You have likely built a wall of protection around your heart at some point in your life that has cut yourself off from your true essence. There was likely some pain that you have experienced in your past that caused you to protect your heart from being hurt again.
I for one grew up in a dysfunctional household with emotionally available mother and father. Love was a scarcity and very hard to come by. There were moments that I did "feel" love, however, most of the time, I had to be good, work hard or do something to get any of the hot commodity. So with that being said, I had to cut myself off from my own heart to protect myself. It was like my oxygen supply cord was pinched off so I had to tap into other resources.
As a child, you should "feel" love from your parents or caretakers. It is not enough for them to say they love you when their actions do not emit love. Love is in constant supply from the Universe or God and is meant to flow through each one of us. When a well-meaning parent is cut off from their own love, they are not able to allow the energy to flow through to their children. As children, we are very subjective and don't understand that our parents "can't" love us, instead, we make up the story that we don't deserve love or aren't lovable, or even that there is something wrong with US.
And we carry those beliefs through life attracting one situation after another that echoes that same message. Those beliefs are so gaping in our subconscious mind that we don't even know that it is the driving force behind our lack of love. It is uncovering those beliefs that will help you get the love you deserve.
If you have beliefs that you deserve a love that is entangled with abuse, that is what you will get. If you believe that you deserve conditional love, that is what you will get. If you think that you don't deserve love, then it will be hard for anyone to love you and you will likely sabotage anything that resembles love.
Make a list of what LOVE means to you based on your childhood and past experiences. We have all heard the biblical verse that "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking... etc". This is how love is supposed to be, however, many of you may have a different definition. For me, it was "love is being yelled at, love is being hurt and feeling unsafe, love never sticks around, love is manipulative... etc." Once you can define what love is to you, then you can begin to dismantle the lies and establish a new meaning of love.
Another good indicator of what love looks like to you is how you treat yourself. Are you self-critical or blaming? Do you take care of yourself and your health? Do you have friends that do not treat you well? If you are hard on yourself or a perfectionist, this comes from deep feelings of inadequacy, and you will attract others that mirror that.
So when you ask yourself "what is the love I deserve?" there may be a conflict between the rational mind and the subconscious. I am sure you "know" you deserve kind, gentle, safe, unconditional love but if those underlying beliefs say something different, they will always win. Take the time to reprogram your thinking from what the love you deserve 'was' and what the love you deserve 'truly is.' Hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), EMDR, and working with a counselor or life coach are great ways to dismantle any limiting or false beliefs you may have
Remember, you will always get the love you deserve so in learning to love yourself and convince yourself that you deserve the highest and best form of love, you will finally be able to receive real love. Raise your standards of what love is to you and it will come!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9995498

Can the Scent of a Woman Intoxicate a Man

I remember seeing the movie 'Scent of a woman' starring Al Pacino as a retired blind Colonel of the US army. If I remember Al Pacino makes a comment that I wish I had a woman in bed and got up in the morning with her smell pervading the bed. Does smell have a meaning as far as sex is concerned? More so for a man, the smell of a woman can be intoxicating.
The theory of smell or to use the scientific terminology pheromone is nothing new. Basically, it's a chemical substance secreted by certain animals like insects which often functions as an attraction for the opposite sex.
Can this be extended to the human being as well? Scientists are not too sure but some people do feel it has a bearing on a relationship. It is not an outlandish thought that humans in a subconscious manner may use the scent of the opposite sex partner to forge a closer relationship. Catching on this are some enterprising people in the USA and India who organize get-togethers that help people pick partners based on scent. These parties are different from normal parties that introduce men and women for friendship and marriage.
Many parties are now being organized in New York, Los Angeles and Mumbai where the party takes on a revolutionary hue. I attended one such party which involves the girl's sweatshirt or T-shirt being put in a plastic bag and given to the prospective men. The men sniff the sweatshirt from a number of them on a table and decide which one they prefer.
In case any man likes the aroma emanating from a particular T-shirt he will inform the organizer of the party. The next involves the man's photo with a brief being projected on a screen. Now it's up to the girl to accept him as a date. Such parties require good organizational skills and plenty of pre-party work. I smelled a particular sweatshirt and liked the smell and signaled my acceptance. I was delighted when I was introduced to the girl who was from Assam the 'Far East' of India. Whatever the scientific basis of this the fact is that these get-togethers take romance to a volatile level. It's like going back to the primal age.
Research studies have shown that the reaction of men and women can be dictated by a set of immune response genes. The human nose is able to pick up this incredibly small chemical signal. I will, however, concede that though the scent is a powerful aphrodisiac, yet to rely only on scent is not the end all and be all of life. It is just another part of the varied experience in life.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10002506

An Unhappy Marriage - 8 Helpful Tips to Make it Happier

Married and feeling desperate, disappointed, discouraged and unhappy is not what most couples signed up for when they said "I do". Married and dealing with infidelity, loneliness, low self-esteem, lack of communication, disrespect and unhappiness is definitely not what was expected with your marriage commitment. Well, statistics show that over 50% of the marriages today end up in divorce. I can give you 2 reasons (in my humble opinion) why there is unhappiness in most of the marriages that end up in divorce. Selfishness and lack of love!
In a broad sense there are some common problems in a marriage that take the marriage from a blissful relationship to that unhappy marriage stage such as;

• Abuse (Physical and Emotional)
• Communication
• Fighting
• Commitment by one or both spouses
• Infidelity
• Money
• Intimacy
• Jealousy

All of the above issues can lead to an unhappy marriage. If you have been married for a little while (it doesn't take long) you probably stumbled upon one of these issues. You may not have become unhappy with your marriage but a brief flash of "oh no what did I get myself into" probably popped into your head. If you haven't hit one of these marriage hurdles yet, trust me you will.
Let's deal with the selfishness that ignites a lot of the fires in a marriage and turns them from happy to an unhappy marriage.
Here is the definition of selfish just for the record; devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
A very selfish person is very difficult to either be happy in a marriage or make a spouse happy, unless they change and become less selfish during the marriage. Marriage is a commitment between 2 people being joined together as one. It's no longer my stuff and your stuff, or my time and your time or my money and your money. Everything is now "ours" once you get married. A very selfish person is unwilling to put their spouses' interests, benefits, and welfare first. This can lead to an unhappy marriage.
Can an unselfish person be responsible for making the marriage unhappy? The answer of course is yes. However, I believe you have a much greater chance of having a happy marriage instead of an unhappy marriage because an unselfish person is more likely to grow together with their unselfish spouse and become like one.
To make a marriage become better and go from being an unhappy marriage to a happy marriage we need to get the selfish spouse(s) to see how putting their interests ahead of the spouse or in some cases the entire family is causing frustration, hurt, disappointment and could lead to unintended results, such as a divorce.
Now let's tackle the love or lack of love that makes a marriage unhappy.
Here is the Webster definition of love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
Here is a better definition that I like and if it exists in a marriage there is a greater chance for happiness instead of an unhappy marriage; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That's the real meaning of love according to the Bible. I don't think you can have an unhappy marriage with this kind of love.
Does it mean that if you love your spouse with this kind of love you will never have issues to overcome in your marriage? Of course not! However, do you think you have a better shot of having a happy or unhappy marriage?
So the key to being happy or working towards fixing an unhappy marriage is less selfishness and more love. Sounds pretty simple but is very difficult to do. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks right? WRONG!
Every person is capable of change. It's called making a commitment to doing so and following through. If you want to stop smoking you can. If you want to stop drinking too much alcohol you can. If you want to stop gaining weight you can. If you want to be happier in your marriage you can. The only difference is sometimes it takes both spouses to be willing to change for the sake of making an unhappy marriage better.
Here are 8 basic things or tips you can work on to move from the unhappy marriage stage to the happy stage of marriage. If you and your spouse can work toward the same goal, that would be best. If not, you make a commitment to make things better and your spouse will come around eventually.

1. Fighting fair - Don't bring up things from the past that were supposed to be forgiven and forgotten. It's like pouring salt on an open wound. Don't say hurtful things about your spouse that you know will cause a lot of pain, and add to unhappiness in the marriage.
2. Stop sweating the small stuff - Make it a point to stop getting aggravated, frustrated and disappointed over little things that really aren't that important. Overlook the little things that you normally complain about that gets under your skin. You know what they are.
3. Enjoy being around your spouse - Don't disappear when your spouse comes home or when they enter the room your in. Stop acting like you enjoy life more when they are out of the house, out of town or at least not in the same room as you. Let your spouse know that you enjoy it when you are together.
4. Don't talk negative about your spouse to others - It's very easy to share what's wrong with your spouse that's driving you crazy. Stop doing that immediately. No spouse likes to be talked about in that way. It's not okay to make jokes about your spouse around family or friends that betrays a trust. If you don't have anything positive to say don't say anything.
5. Talk to your spouse - It's not okay to go hours or days playing the silent I'm not talking to you game. There is nothing gained by shutting down and not talking to your spouse. It's difficult at times but the only time you should not be talking is if for some reason you are really upset and need a little time to cool off. Otherwise, keep the lines of communication open. I know not talking times gives you peace of mind. But don't settle for a temporary time of peace when you could work on fixing your unhappy marriage problem.
6. Act like a married couple - Don't take separate cars to the same place unless it's really necessary. That's what you did before you got married. No separate vacations, or bedrooms. You need to be committed to being a couple and not married singles.
7. Don't take advice from the wrong people - There will be many family, friends and enemies who will offer you free advice. Be careful who you talk to and more importantly who you listen to. It's very difficult for a spouse to be happy in a marriage knowing that you have blabbed your marriage problems to the world. You also don't want to follow advice from someone who has been married 3 times. It's better to limit the circle of people you discuss your marriage with and you also don't always need to share all the details. The wrong people can't tell you how to fix your unhappy marriage problem
8. Support your spouse - Make sure you are there for your spouse even though you don't want to be. If there is a family function with your in-laws don't stay home. Be there for your spouse. The same thing goes for work or even playful functions like a sporting event. It's important for your spouse to know that you care enough to be with them even though they know you don't want to be around certain people. It shows that they mean more to you than your feelings about other people.

There are many ways to take your unhappy marriage and make it better. The key to Restoring Your Relationship is to work on being less selfish and being more loving. Put your spouse's interests ahead of yours and you will be happier and so will your spouse.
Living in an unhappy marriage is difficult and hard to sustain. If you need some proven strategies and techniques to make your marriage better I would suggest taking a look here at Save My Marriage Today.

Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage

With the advent of more marriages happening in the near future, I thought I would take some time now to research the divorce statistics. Interestingly enough, the Maldives (touted as paradise on earth) tops the charts as the "Divorce Capital of the World". Allegedly, all you need to accomplish a divorce in this Muslim nation is for the husband to say to the wife, "I divorce you" three times. See Article.
The divorce rate per every 1000 people is a whopping 10.97% in the Maldives! Here are the rest of the Top 10, followed by Belarus (4.65%); USA (4.19%); Panama (3.82%); Russia (3.66%); Estonia (3.65%); Puerto Rico (3.61%); Ukraine (3.59%); Costa Rica (3.58%); and Cuba (3.54%). See Statistics .
Here are some other noteworthy statistics, all derived from the Americans for Divorce Reform website .
* 43% of first marriages end within 15 years.
* Red states have a divorce rate 27% higher than blue states.
* 75% of all divorced people re-marry, half of them within three years.
* 65% of new marriages fail.
* Roughly 1 in 5 adults has ever divorced; First marriages that end in divorce last about 8 years, on average.
* Marriages are most susceptible to divorce in the early years of marriage. After 5 years, approximately 10% of marriages are expected to end in divorce - another 10% (or 20 % cumulatively) are divorced by about the 10th year after marriage. However, the 30% level is not reached until about the 18th year after marriage while the 40% level is only approached by the 50th year after marriage.
* Seven-year itch? Try TWO! According to research, they are far more likely to separate after about two years of marriage. One in 12 couples is heading for the divorce courts after 24 months - more than double the figure for seven years.
* Divorced men and women suffer to a much greater degree than married persons early death from cancer, cardiovascular disease, strokes, pneumonia, hypertension, and suicide. According to researchers at the National Institute of Mental Health, "The single most powerful predictor of stress-related physical, as well as emotional, illness is marital disruption."'
* Children of divorce are twice as likely to drop out of school as those from intact homes, three times as apt to have a baby out of wedlock, five-fold more likely to be in poverty and 12 times more apt to be incarcerated. Judith Wallerstein followed 100 children of divorce for 25 years after parental divorce. Only 60 of the 100, now aged 27-43, had ever married vs. 84 percent of those from intact families. And 25 of the 60 had already divorced, leaving only a third who built lasting marriages.
* Living in sin? Suffer the consequences. Unmarried cohabitations overall are extremely unstable. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within 5 years is 20%, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49%. After10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33%,compared a whopping 62%! for cohabitations.
* On the same note, there is a higher risk, 40% to 85%, of divorce between couples cohabiting before marriage than couples waiting until after marriage to share a home together.
So I guess it's true ... why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1266527

Are You a Believer in Romantic Love... Why?

The current 'atmosphere' of dating and relationships seems to be circulating the feeling of "I want it - but do I?". I walk past young lovers in Paris (I'm in Paris at the moment) and see a lot of couples enjoying the energy of the city and each other - playing flirting games of "I love you" and "what more will you offer me" - and they are genuinely happy. I also walk past others who are musing with a friend on how they like this guy or that girl and what might be the prospect of being with this person and excited about it. And it started me wondering - what makes us pursue romantic love and affection with a person.
Even though I read and hear a lot of cynicism about dating, finding lasting love and marriage or commitment - I still see a lot of people pursuing, enjoying and loving romantic love. And I'm not in the online dating world. I see it on the streets, parks, bars and venues of Paris. In the couples and families in my building. On the summer vacations of those travelling in France. And in the everyday quotidian - people are still holding hands as if there was something deeply satisfying about being with someone.
One of the researchers on romantic love is Dr Helen Fisher an anthropologist who has studied the pursuit of romantic love in over 90 cultures across the globe both living today and from our past. Dr Fisher's research has worked out the hormonal drives and personality profiles of love based on the 4 hormones of the body, oestrogen, serotonin, testosterone and dopamine.
What intrigued me about a few of Dr Fisher's talks in that she still does not have answers for why we pursue romantic love outside the motivating factors of hormonal urges. She certainly has mapped the motivators and she honestly and sweetly says that there is still a piece not covered by her research that can explain why over thousands of years of humanity there is that ongoing pursuit, fascination and interest in romantic love but her research does show that the obsession with romantic love is constant throughout cultures across time and the world.
On the street of Paris, I see young couples bantering and sharing their differing views as they cuddle and connect in what seems a safe place in a world that is full of a lot of change. And I muse to myself that these lovers are in the midst of a period of history which has the most change and the most humans on the planet. In their quiet sanctuary to provide solitude for two - a quiet place where two people can engage in the most simplest activity of connection, two people engaged in each other with the hope or joy that this couple provides a depth of feeling they can't find in the world. And in that connection, they can also feel the precariousness of resisting their lover, saying no I don't like that and have their lover actually respond with a deep need or desire to keep their lover happy or sustain their affection. And then I think to myself, but humans have felt and thought they were caught in the worst of times throughout many periods of history. Paris itself has seen darker days as many of its museums and sites testify.
Is it that humans crave safety and security with someone in a world where there is no-one to really champion or celebrate them?
I've often wondered, if we crave that security as an adult, why isn't our mother or father's love enough (if they're alive) - why do we go looking for a romantic love that is not the love of a dear family member. Some of us don't like our families, so seeking out a romantic love interest is a good way to find someone who likes you, celebrates you - validates you - in spite of your family.
Getting into a couple gives you a sense of an anchor to the world and a clear position in the social structures. However, when you're single or a free agent you could be perceived unconsciously as a potential threat to the species - because your role in the tribe is not defined or pinned down, like you could steal a partner in a couple or provide sexual competition or interest that undermines a couple's perceived stability. As a couple you can be seen as a more stable "economic unit" that is predictable. However if you are single you could represent something that is 'unknown', your agenda, your 'orientation' in the world isn't clear. What is your reason for being as a single agent?
The irony is that many people will now face being single for periods after being in a couple, because relationships don't last lifetimes these days.
Are we at the end of thousands of years where the 'long-term relationship equals life-term relationship' means we are holding onto an old way of defining 'security' as being in a couple and we don't know how to move beyond that?
It leaves a lot of my older friends who have left a marriage or relationship feeling they have to accept - at some point - that they are OK if they are not in a relationship. And for some they realise it is a powerful place for them to arrive: a final acceptance of they are who they are. They may be single or alone - and they are fine with that and even happy.
However, I still see people at all ages, sparkle when they meet someone who lights them up. And that's the piece that still stirs me.
Here is my musings on why we as the human race continue to believe in romantic love (in spite of the political climate, the atmosphere of the planet or modern dating and its pitfalls):
two humans coming together with the hope of bringing out the best of each other fulfills a deep human need to know and experience yourself as a lovable, giving, flawed and in spite of the flaws, acceptable human being who can make someone else feel the same and even create the opportunity for that person you love to be more of who they are.
and for some, it is motivated by the desire that this person will accept you and bring out a piece of you that you just can't find by yourself - but you suspect, sense, believe and hope this other person will find the way to manifest this hidden piece of yourself.
There are not a lot of places in our adult lives, where we play that role for each other.
Another way to put romantic love is that it is our unconscious drive and our soul's need to discover what is hidden from us that the hope of romantic love offers a chance to get up close and intimate with.
I for one, am a believer in romance.
However, I don't expect romance to be 'plain sailing' because the best intents unless they are fueled by some good common sense skills on how to treat a human cannot fulfil the ideals of romantic love.
I am truly interested in knowing why you may be a believer or fan of romantic love.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10003694