Financial Advice For Young Married Couples

Mention unfaithfulness in a marriage and more then likely your thoughts will focus on sexual relationships. Yet over 50% of divorces are not at all related to sexual unfaithfulness but rather financial unfaithfulness. In today’s debt ridden society, the face of unfaithfulness is financial and divorces are happening much more repeatedly as a result of uncovered financial secrets. More often then not, women are financially unfaithful compared to men however financial unfaithfulness is wide ranging and will annihilate a marriage as quickly as sexual unfaithfulness.

Young married couples and debt are common however, they also form a cocktail for marital ruin. Often with a young married couple, one of the partners will hide certain financial things to prevent confrontations and getting help. As soon as the unfaithfulness begins, it usually does not stop until it hits the point of no return. At this point, financial debts become too big to hide and either the partner will reluctantly bring it up or the other partner will discover it on their own, which will bring with it feelings of great frustration, bitterness and often is the beginning of the end for the marriage, especially if professional help is not seeked out immediately.

Men seem to be less apt to handle the financial unfaithfulness then women and when it is discovered that their spouse has been financially unfaithful then a battle will often begin. So what is a young married couple to do to avoid this disaster?

Be accountable to one another and help each other prepare and maintain a budget. When only one spouse has their hand in control of the cookie jar, temptation can often cause for the hand to dip in more then its fair share. This can often start out innocently but quickly grows into a problem while the other partner sits by innocently unaware of the financial burden that is starting.

If a young couple is set on only having one person in control of the budget, that is fine however it is wise to site together once every week and review the income and expenses and allow for open questions and answers. This will provide that additional step of accountability that is often more then enough to keep the temptation of financial unfaithfulness at bay.

Marital problems that are caused from a lack of financial maturity do cause many best friends to become bitter enemies and in any marriage, it can certainly be the brutal destruction of the foundation for which it stands. If you are hiding financial problems from your spouse, come clean with them immediately and seek out financial guidance. If you are not sharing the budget responsibly currently, then start.

Making Marriage Work

It was Joan’s first counseling session with me, but it didn’t take long before the tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I’m married to the man of my dreams, but I’m miserable,” she said, reaching a hand up to wipe away her tears. “We were so in love and now things are falling apart. We are fighting and distant much of the time. I love Justin and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why this is happening. I seem to be getting angrier and angrier and he is getting more and more distant.”

“What are you angry about?” I inquired.

“Justin keeps pulling away from me. He’s working longer and longer hours. But even on the weekends when he is home, he just seems to be distant. He’s either watching TV, playing computer games, or in the garage working in his workshop. When I try to talk with him about it, he shuts down even more. We can’t talk at all anymore.”

Like Joan and Justin, many couples are stuck in a dysfunctional relationship system, wondering what happened to the love and passion they had at the beginning of their relationship.

Two major fears may be undermining your relationship with your partner:

Fear of rejection: the loss of another’s love through anger, judgment, emotional withdrawal, physical withdrawal, or death.

Fear of engulfment: the loss of self through being controlled, consumed, invaded, suffocated, dominated, and swallowed up by another’s demands.

Until these fears are healed, you will likely react defensively whenever they are triggered. Joan reacted by getting angry when her fears of rejection were activated, while Justin withdrew when his fears of engulfment were triggered. You might react in different defensive ways, but the result will be the same – your reactive behavior coming from your fears of rejection or engulfment will trigger your partner’s fears of rejection or engulfment. Now both of you are acting out of fear. Together you have created an unsafe space where love and intimacy will gradually erode.

Most of us have not learned to stay open when our fears of being rejected, abandoned, engulfed, or controlled are triggered. If, when these fears are activated, you focus on who is at fault or who started it, you perpetuate the problems. Blaming your partner for your fears, as well as for your own reactive, unloving behavior, makes the relationship feel unsafe.

You both end up feeling badly, each believing that your pain is the result of your partner’s behavior. You feel victimized, helpless, stuck, and disconnected from your partner. You desperately want your partner to see what he or she is doing that (you think) is causing your pain. You think that if your partner only understands this, he or she will change – and you exhaust yourself trying to figure out how to MAKE your partner understand.

Over time, passion dries up. Superficiality, boredom, fighting, and apathy take its place.

The dual fears of LOSING THE OTHER through rejection and LOSING YOURSELF through being swallowed up by the other are the underlying cause of unloving, reactive behavior. These fears are deeply rooted. They cannot be healed or overcome by GETTING someone else’s love. On the contrary, you must heal these fears before you can SHARE love – give and receive love – with your partner.

The key to doing this is learning how to create a safe inner space where you can work with and overcome your fears of rejection and engulfment. In this series, I will show you a powerful six-step process you can use to create and maintain the inner safety you need to become strong enough to love.

Only when you have achieved inner safety and inner strength can you create a safe relationship space. Joan gradually learned to stop attacking Justin and take loving care of herself whenever her fears of rejection surfaced. She learned to create inner safety when she felt threatened rather than trying to get Justin to make her feel safe from her fears.

You can do this too. In fact, any two people who are willing to learn to create their own inner sense of safety can also learn to create a safe relationship space where their intimacy and passion will flourish and their love will endure. The rest of the articles in this series will lead you through this six-step healing process.

5 Tips To Keep A Marriage Exciting

The buildup to the wedding is so exciting; making arrangements, laying out a plan for your future lives together. But after the honeymoon ends, life begins. And while you may have the most wonderful marriage, even the most devoted couple is certain to find the married lifestyle to be at times, well let’s say, less than exciting. I mean let’s face it, you love the other person, but spending all day with the same individual makes for a lot of routine activities, that if you are not careful can drag on your relationship and make you both feel unsatisfied with what is otherwise a very loving relationship.

As a result, it is vital that couples not simply sit back in the belief that a marriage will remain exciting merely on its own momentum. Rather, it is important that spouses take some basic steps to infuse their relationships with a bit of excitement.

1. Have Independent Interests

You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things. Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength. Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.

2. Spontaneous Events

While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and more busy by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous. So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.

3. Never threaten separation

This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another. As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up. It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.

4. Weekend Trips

One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify. So instead opt for a one night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.

5. Spice up the bedroom

The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.

How to Save a Bad Marriage by Doing Nothing - The Quickest, Easiest, and Cheapest Solution

It's amazing to me when I see the staggering statistics of divorce. You would think during these troubled times married couples would put in the effort to bond closer together. Instead, they let surface problems such as money drive a wedge between them.

Money is one of the biggest reasons marriages turn bad, but it isn't the only reason. There are plenty other reasons why a marriage turns bad and the sad part is most of these are reasons are petty. Regardless of how petty or how serious the reason, if both people still love each other from their hearts then their marriage can survive anything it faces.

My advice to anybody involved in a bad marriage right now is to focus on the core value of love. Once you focus and put your energy into this aspect of your marriage you will quickly regain that loving relationship you once shared with your partner.
The best part about this strategy is you are effortlessly repairing your marriage. You see, marriages have to grow because as time goes on there are more challenges, obstacles, and situations that will put a lot of stress on your marriage. Love is the foundation that keeps your marriage firm, so if your love for each other doesn't continue to grow as time goes on then your marriage will begin to fall apart.
If you still truly love your partner then showing them that you love and care for them should be easy. Love is the thing that put you two together in the first place, it is what encouraged you to spend the rest of your life with partner.

So all you have to do is continue to show your partner that you still love them and if they still truly love you, they will begin to follow your lead and show you love in return. The biggest hurdle most failing marriages have to deal with is pride.

Pride keeps them from apologizing, pride keeps them from admitting they were wrong, pride keeps them from showing each other love, pride keeps them from even talking about their issues because they don't want to seem like their weak. When you take pride out of the scenario you can quickly begin to mend your relationship, because it's the only thing preventing you from showing your partner the love necessary to save your marriage.

Do nothing and let things come naturally. Forget about whatever your partner did to you that you didn't like because i'm sure they remember some things that you did that wasn't so nice either. Once this tension is out of the way let your instincts take over, the same instincts you used when you two first started out in this relationship. You will begin to repair your bad marriage by really doing nothing.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2512910

The Power of Unconditional Love to Help Save a Marriage

In order to help save marriage it is important to understand the power of unconditional love and the comfort and security it brings. What is unconditional love, when does it begin and how can you develop it with your spouse?

Relationships begin with excitement and openness that allows for two people to come together in romance and passion. Depending on how long the courtship goes on before marriage the couple may find themselves in a very different type of loving relationship.

While the initial excitement wears off the best marriages settle in to a more nurturing and understanding relationship. Early on in a relationship each partner can do no wrong in the eyes of the other. Mutual acceptance is granted through the cloudy vision of passion and excitement. Beyond those early days it will at some point require a decision to love not just an emotional response. It is this decision that will help save marriage.

Loving at this level will develop trust and understanding if handled properly. Truly sharing unconditional love with a partner does not require either one of you to condone bad behavior and it isn't a free ticket to do as you please. Unconditional love demonstrates itself through each others actions.

Individuals experiencing this more mature love seek to understand each other and truly work towards solutions that are the best for each other and place the marriage in the highest regard. Mistakes will certainly be made along the way but when they occur, apologies are given and forgiveness is granted. Each individual recognizes that although a mistake has been made, their partner still seeks the best for the marriage. Forgiveness is a key element to help save marriage.

Communication is simplified in a marriage demonstrating the power of unconditional love. With unconditional love each individual feels free to express their needs and desires knowing they will not be judged. The partner will graciously listen to the request and seek to find a positive outcome for the marriage first and foremost and will do so respectfully.

Respectful communication allows the relationship to grow and evolve without the Resistance created in a relationship where individual needs come before the needs of the marriage. Harness the power of unconditional love and discover how to help save marriage.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2813570

Love Needs Exercise to Keep a Marriage!

There are many factors involved when it comes to keeping a marriage. Love needs exercise to keep a marriage, as love by itself is not enough. Other factors are the couple's age, their previous relationships and even if they are smokers.

You can live happily ever after and Australian researchers have identified what is needed to keep couples together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

The study done by researchers from the Australian National University was called "What's Love Got to Do With It," and tracked nearly 2,500 couples married or living together. The study done from 2001 to 2007 helped identify factors associated with couples who remained together compared to those who divorced or separated.

Keeping a marriage together and strong requires not only love which is a major role player but activities geared to building relationships and closeness between the marriage partners.

Love and exercise, as in doing a fitness routine together can surely help bring a couple closer together both physically and emotionally.

Having fun doing something you both enjoy and that is good for you will bring a new sense of togetherness and closeness to the relationship helping to get to know each other better and even pushing your partner on to new heights they never thought possible.

If you are a man, don't get married to a woman who is nine or more years younger. The results show he is twice as likely to get a divorce. Men who get married before age 25 are also inclined to get a divorce.

It helps to wait until you're married to have kids for a long marriage. If couples have kids before a marriage or relationship either from a previous marriage or in your relationship now, one-fifth of couples will separate compared to nine percent for couples who waited until after the wedding to have kids.

Women usually want kids at some point and if the husband does not there is a chance of divorce.

Another key factor determining a divorce is the couple's parents. 16% of couples whose own parents separated or divorced will experience marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

If you're in your second or third marriage things don't look good as you are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses in their very first marriage.

Not surprisingly the almighty dollar plays a huge role in the outcome of a marriage. 16 percent of respondents who were poor or the husband - not the wife - was unemployed, had separated, compared to just 9 percent of couples with healthy and strong finances.

If one partner smokes and the other does not there is a likely chance that this relationship will not last.

There are factors which do not significantly affect a marriage including how many children they have and their ages, along with the wife's employment status and for how many years the couple has been employed.

This was a joint study done by the Australian National University, and the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

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Why Does Love Disappear After Marriage?

Most couples find their intensity of love greatly diminished after marriage. It is really surprising that people who cannot live without each other before marriage, find themselves so trapped in marriage that they seek divorce and then try to marry another person. Even when they do not seek divorce they engage in extramarital relationships where they try to search love in another person. If they control all types of extramarital relationship due to social pressures, they still cannot live with their spouse in harmony as they find that the spark of love has disappeared from their lives.

Where does love go after marriage? Is it due to the wrong selection of the beloved that one has to finally part ways or there are some greater mysteries behind the loss of love? The increasing rates of divorces, the increasing number of live-in relationships and the increasing number of the birth of children outside wedlock are ample evidences that people have already started avoiding marriages. Some people have started believing that marriage is an outdated institution and that living with each other without marriage is better for the relationship than getting married.

Why Marriages Fail?

It is really surprising why marriages are failing despite the fact that most marriages are voluntary and the couples are now getting married only if they love each other. They often spend many years together to test their compatibility with each other before getting formally married.

It is therefore, important to understand love before understanding why love is diminished after marriage.

Love between two individual means that both people extend their personalities and become one with each other. It is like union of two or more atoms to make a molecule. For example, when two atoms of Hydrogen and one atom of Oxygen combine with each other, they make a molecule of water which is totally different from either hydrogen or oxygen. Thus love is different than all other types of relationship as the lovers become one and instead of maintaining their individuality, lose their identity. They become complimentary to each other as they become one and often they perform different roles in their lives so as to complement each other.
Thus the bond of love brings two people together and makes them one.

Transmutation of Love

It is difficult to define love as love has many manifestations. People may perceive love as lust, affection, respect, friendship, worship, trust, compassion etc. For example, couples may come close to each other as friend and they gradually find each other physically attractive (lust). In many case like arranged marriages, the relationship first start with physical (lust) and gradually it get converted into friendship and other forms of love. However, soon all loving relationship transforms so as to complete all forms of love like affection, compassion, respect etc. You can easily notice that the people who remains married for long period become extremely dependent on each other and all forms of love are present in their relationship. They develop affection for each other which is the purest form of love existing between mother and child. They respect each other and develop faith on each other. The long married couples gradually become so much dependent on each other due to their completeness of love, that they do not need any other person to complete their relationship. They are best of friends and they take care of each other best. That is why the spouses are also called half-self as without them a person feels incomplete.

However, some people get worried due to the transformation of their love because they do not want their love to be transformed. Often men do not find their wives as physically appealing as the lust is transformed to other forms of love. They may find other woman more attractive since other forms of love are absent in purely physical attractions.

Discover Your Love

In order to live happily and lovingly in our life, we have to understand the true love which is much more than physical or emotional. Love is continuously transforming in every relationship till it acquires the completeness. Physical attraction may be a design of nature to bring the people of opposite sex together. Yet once the couple become physically satisfied, it is time for love to get transformed and bring more colours into their love. If you can understand this design of love, you can only wait for love to get more mature and bring more love into your lives.

Life is a mystery which can not be explained either by science or by scriptures. Truth has a body and a soul which we call science and religion. Contrary to popular perception, they are not opposed to each other but complement each other like body and soul. In fact, they can not exist without each other.

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The Reasons Why Love And Sex Are Not The Same

There is need to clarify what love and sex means or stands for in marriage. Many people attach the same meaning to the two, which is a serious error. The keywords in the title are love, sex and marriage. It is imperative to explain what each word stands for.

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman to live as husband and wife. It is an institution created by God primarily for the purpose of companionship. It is a bond and an everlasting covenant that is meant to exist for as long as the couples live. It was created to terminate only by death of any of the partners.

Love is the foundation of every marriage. Love is not in words but in action. Love is better demonstrated than said by words. Love is not a feeling, because there is much more to love than jumping into bed with the opposite sex.

Love is sacrifice and service by one to the other. To love is to give what is the best for the benefit of the other, and to accept him as he is and not on the basis of what is to be gained from him.

To love is to make a self-sacrificing concern for the benefit and welfare of another and to love the other without condition in spite of the other's actions or in-actions. Love is a strong emotional attachment to another person. It is a deep affection for another person, to be fond of the person and wanting to be with him/her all the time. Love is a heart-to-heart connection between husband and wife. To love is to accept the imperfections of the other and to accommodate them.

Love is fueled by personal intimacy which must be developed by the couple for their love to grow. Without personal intimacy, love wanes or fades and gradually dies. This is how many marriages have failed because the partners took their affection for granted and did not develop it.

Many people are in marriage but very few are in love.

Sex is sexual intercourse or a sexual union between husband and wife. It was created by God to be expressed within marriage as an instrument for husband and wife to express their love for each other. However, sex is not love because it is possible to have sex with a person you have no feelings or love for. Further, there are other ways to express love for each other apart from sex. Sex is not the exclusive means to show love to another.

Sex alone, without strong personal intimacy, can not sustain a marriage. Sex without personal intimacy is driven by passion and passion is a weak and unstable foundation to build a marriage on. Moreover, passion can easily take the place of real friendship.

Many marriages are mere sexual relationships because the partners rushed into for romantic connection without developing the intimacy connection. Intimacy is friendship which takes time to develop, to nurture and mature. In a marriage built on sex driven by passion, there is no real love for each other and each member exists to derive mere physical and sexual pleasure from the other which quickly becomes boring.

Full expression of love can be said to occur in marriage when personal intimacy is developed and maintained and is combined with sexual intimacy. Then will love be complete.

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Signs Your Guy Might Not Be Marriage Material After All

You want to get married but you are unsure about your guy. There is something about him that makes you uneasy and you want to know if this apprehension about marrying him is just in your mind or if there is a reason for it. Can your guy be poor material for marriage? What are the signs that your guy might not be marriage material after all?

It's his way or the highway...there is no negotiation! Marriage is about continual compromise as your two lives gradually merge into negotiated compromises that you can both live with. If your guy is always right and your life has to fit into his without him making any changes or compromises then your lives do not merge into a new life made up of both of your essences; instead your life and identity simply disappear into his and you cease to exist in many ways. If your guy is like that then this is a clear sign that your guy might not be marriage material after all; unless your idea of marriage is being absorbed by another and living your life under their complete domination. A good marriage requires that when conflict arises you both negotiate a way forward that meets some of your needs and some of his needs but if he refuses to negotiate and instead insists that you do things his way then only his needs will be met and you will begin to resent him and to loss the essence of who you are; a disservice not only to yourself but to every other human being in your world who now has to live life without the real you.

He thinks he is God's gift to women and you are lucky to have him. If your guy feels like this then he will lord it over you in marriage. You want a confident guy but you do not want an arrogant guy who thinks he is of godlike status as he will be self centered in marriage and will only think of himself, his needs and his wants; an untenable situation in any real marriage. A good marriage involves the giving of your time and your resources for the other person's happiness or convenience and if your guy's world revolves around himself then your guy might not be marriage material after all as he will be unable and unwilling to make any sacrifices for you, your happiness or your convenience. A self absorbed guy is not marriage material unless your idea of marriage is giving up who you are and joining him in worshipping at the altar of his ego.

He loves many women and will not give them up! A guy who cannot give up other women for you might not be marriage material after all. Marriage requires trust that for many women grows as their confidence in their man grows through fidelity, honesty and being true to their word. If your guy is still playing the field and is unwilling to stop then he may not be marriage material unless your self esteem is so low that you believe that just having him in your life is enough for you and so you accept a union where he shares himself with other women while you remain faithful and true to him.

He has temper tantrums like a 2 year old! If your guy cannot be constructively angry then he might not be marriage material after all. If he kicks and fusses whenever his need or wants are not met immediately then he may not have the maturity to enter into marriage. Expressing anger is not the problem. The problem is his need to gratify all his desires here and now regardless of your feelings and needs. The ability to delay gratification is a key component of personal growth as it ensures that you invest your energy and resources for your relationship and your future. If your guy cannot handle 'no' then he is not marriage material unless you want to spend you days with a man-child who you have to constantly pacify.

He is emotionally or physically abusive. Don't believe your love and hormone driven optimism that he will change if you love him well. If he abuses you now then that abuse will only get worse in marriage. Love will not cure him; being well behaved will not cure him; being nice and jumping at his every whim will not cure him! If he abuses you then your guy is not marriage material after all, unless your idea of marriage is being controlled and abused by a joker who will NEVER stop.

He has habits that you really cannot live with but which you hope to change in marriage. If there are things about him that you absolutely cannot stand then take a step back because your guy might not be marriage material for you after all. He may be marriage material for some other woman but not for you. Whatever habits he may have that you cannot stand; don't assume that marriage and your love for him will be able to change him. He may change some bad habits after marriage but you cannot go into marriage banking on him changing as he may never change. Marry a guy whose bad habits, though somewhat annoying, are not deal breakers for you. A guy with deal breaking habits is not marriage material for you!

A guy who is marriage material for you may not be marriage material for another woman. However in-love you are with your guy be candid with yourself and see if there are signs that he might not be marriage material for you after all. Realizing when you are married that your husband was not marriage material for you after all is much more hurting and disruptive then realizing it before marriage.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6769133

Love And Happiness In Marriage

Marriage is a permanent union of love between a man and a woman. It is written that God made woman from man so as to be a companion and helper to him. A companion that would encourage, support, respect, love and edify him. He in turn should committee to be a protector, provider and helper to her in every respect.
When a couple enters into marriage it should be holy in purpose. Meaning that the husband should experience the pure love of his wife's heart as she endeavors to soften and improve his character to make the marriage complete.

Love is a relationship between two humans. In scriptures love is clearly defined because it is the most important aspect of human existence. Love is said to be patient, kind and not jealous or pompous. It is not inflated or rude. It does not seek its own interest. It is not quick tempered and does not brood over injury. Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things and endures all things.

It is said that whoever is without love does not know God. This is because the divine love that comes from God never sought to destroy human love. On the contrary, God's love refines, purify, elevates and ennobles human love and so it is believed that human love can never blossom until it is united with the divine nature of God's love. The reality being that human love seems always aspiring to elevate itself heavenward.

The commitment of marriage without any doubt includes the following: love, unity, respect unconditional support and fidelity. Sex however, is not love and it is not the most important aspect of marriage. Sex is meant for procreation and it is the expression of mutual love, which is a great source of satisfaction, which strengthens a marriage relationship. Therefore a good sex life in marriage is not only a factor of mutual pleasure and procreation but also an essential ingredient in the overall success of a marriage.

Love between couples should enhance the state of happiness with each other. The husband should help wife grow in all aspects of personal development. Each one should administer to the satisfactory existence of the other. Whilst it is important to collude in unity neither of the two should lose their individual identity.

Now, as a couple grows in maturity, understanding and accepting each other's past is very meaningful to help set realistic expectations and having a very positive attitude towards each other so as to foster a valid and successful way of adapting to conjugal life. A couple should make it a habit of communicating frequently on all issues to improve the quality of their relationship. Frequent arguments and misunderstandings can only be resolved through positive communication, forgiveness and apologies.

Also peace is very important in a relationship. To ensure peace and stability it is vital to bring all financial resources together. However, this can only be achieved through open dialogue and the use of simple joint agreements on home and family budgets so as to efficiently manage family income and expenditure. In addition, the divisions of functions have to be above board. Each spouse should accept the delegation of specific task or family responsibility. This is of essence for the couple to achieve success of marriage and ensure that both parties are happy. A certain measure of generosity, flexibility and understanding has to be demonstrated too by both sides. On the social live experience there should be mutual agreement on adaptation to change in the life of each spouse.

It must also be said that happiness is not the easiest thing to achieve in our present times. This is because the obstacles in modern day life are many. The manifestation of self or putting "I" first in everything will destroy the peace and unity of the home and marriage. A couple should be well advised not to command each other about... to do what the other wishes regardless of the consequences. It is not proper and in the best interest of marriage. It should not be practiced because it will affect the retention of each other's love.

For a couple to be truly happy together in marriage some of the important human needs have to be satisfied. A wife is very different to a husband in the way she thinks and perceives things. There are many things that are important to her personally and good for her physique. Included are the following: appreciation and affection through words and actions; need to converse with husband about the things that matters; need for husband who trust her and is honest and hides nothing from her; expects a husband to provide for her and a wife sees the home and family as an important aspect of life. If any or all of the above aspects of the wife needs are neglected she eventually become very unhappy.

The husband's needs are slightly different and it is important for the wife to understand this. The following are generally important to the majority of husbands. Whilst hugs and words of appreciation are important to the wife the husband may not be fulfilled by only this. Husbands need closeness, which can eventually terminating in a sexual encounter; they long for a wife who would willingly accompany him, participate and show interest in his leisure activities; husband desires to have a wife who strives to stay beautiful. Also, men long at all times for a clean and tidy home where everything follows through without hindrances. A husband needs his companion to admire, respect and recognize his achievements. The big as well as the small ones.

Many people refer to marriage as a fine wine that improves and appreciate in value over time, cemented and cast solid through torrents of struggles, pains, disappointments and anxieties that are incapable of drowning true love. Because, when a couples sacrifice themselves generously they become united in purpose, existence and in affection. The outcome no doubt results in true happiness, true love and bliss right here on earth.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7058779

Your Children Need A Good Marriage!

One of the issues I often confront in dealing with family tension is that of priorities. What's more important, marriage or the children? The relationship or getting stuff for the children done? Providing financially or providing emotionally? Having fun or getting work done? Where spouses come down on those issues is often where the tensions develop in a marriage with children.
Some parents feel that because the children are "dependent" they need parents, and the "adult spouse" doesn't need as much. These marriages often become "children-driven," and when the children grow up the marriage dissolves or becomes an "empty nest."
I have consistently taken the position that marriage is the most important of the two, and children benefit enormously from parents who give marriage a priority.
If you are a parent, you are probably trying your best to be a good parent, right? Think for a moment about all the time, energy, and money you put into your children. You take them to school each day, help them with their homework, buy them clothes, wash their clothes, take them to the doctor, plan birthday parties, drive them to baseball practice and make their favorite dinner.
Those are all good and necessary actions, all a part of the "doing" category of parenting. But none of those actions is the most important!
The most important thing YOU can do for your children is to have a GREAT MARRIAGE! If you care for your children, marriage must be your number one priority. Parents who care more about their children than their marriage often end up in divorce or with troubled children. That's the way it works! It's a law of family life just as gravity is a law of physics.
It's hard to be a good parent unless you have a good marriage. Why? Because teaching your children how to succeed in the LOVE department is your most important responsibility. Nothing compares to that responsibility. You can do everything right and run all day as if you are on a treadmill, but if you fail to model love to your spouse in front of your children you have failed in what you have been called to do for them as a parent.
Nothing will be more important in your children's lives than the success of their marriage. And who's going to teach them how to love their spouse. You are! But they won't learn it from what you say; they'll learn it from the life you lead. They'll learn it from your marriage. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear a word you're saying."
If you're struggling in your marriage, it's probably because your parents struggled too. So, who's going to break the cycle? Will you be the one to change things for generations to come? Or will your children suffer the same burden? The ball is in your court!
Whatever you want your children to achieve in their life, you must model for them in some shape or form. You can be the generational bridge in your lineage and build a new path for future generations in your family. It's not easy, but it can be done.
There's nothing better for your children than to be raised in an environment in which their parents have LEARNED to love each other. Love does not just happen. It has to be crafted and cultivated carefully over and over again! But if your children witness true love between you and your spouse, you will give them the greatest gift life has to offer. It's the only gift that keeps on giving!
There's nothing more devastating to a young child than to be the victim of a broken family. Divorce has been described as one of the most violent, brutal, emotionally abusive events committed against innocent children who were brought into the world to be protected by two responsible parents and raised to understand love in the lives of their parents.
I have heard many stories from parents who are in a second marriage. Depending on the age of your children you may have a chance to model "true love" to them in a second marriage, but it's unlikely unless your former spouse is a real loser and your children see the problem. As long as your former spouse is around and is a decent person, your children will forever be left with a broken picture of what love is. That's why I believe that in most cases divorce is not the answer to marriage conflict.
Be a good parent. Do everything you can to succeed with your marriage. Love your spouse regardless of your feelings. Love is not just a feeling! More often than not, love is simply doing what's right for someone else's sake!
I am often asked, "Is it OK to stay married for the sake of children?" My answer is, "Yes! Definitely, yes." Unless you are so selfish that you need to take care of yourself over your children's basic needs, it's always worth it to save a marriage for the sake of the children. Give your children the only gift that keeps on giving forever! The love of your marriage.
You can learn to love your spouse if you follow my simple steps to build your own "True Commitment." Attend one of my seminars, or call me to make an appointment. I will coach you over the phone. Very often, action steps is all it takes to experience the love you long to have in your marriage.
*Just a personal note:
Divorce increases the risk of interpersonal problems in children. There is evidence, both from small qualitative studies and from large-scale, long-term empirical studies, that many of these problems last for a life time. In fact, they even become worse in adulthood.

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Instruments of a Successful Marriage

From earliest times of the ritual of marriage, couples were sent away with music of various instruments. Music is a major part of people's lives and often music is a big part of people's careers. If we compare musical instruments to the characteristics of a successful marriage, we find the keys to a lasting relationship. Instruments that can represent the keys to success are cymbals, violin, harp, piano, and trumpet. A couple whose goal is success will work together to make beautiful music that will last up to and beyond the passing of a spouse.
Musical cymbals represent the harmony that is needed throughout marriage. You will find there are many factors that will affect the harmony of your marital roles. Changeable conditions like health, family unit members, environment, socioeconomic level, or personal aspirations can be like clanging cymbals. In an orchestra, conductors must blend cymbals to harmonize with the other instruments. A couple must work together to synchronize their roles as wife and husband. As you strive together with love, you will find harmony. Without harmony, you will be like two cymbals clanging.
The violin represents commitment. When you take your marriage vows, take them with the idea that your marriage will last into eternity. In making a commitment to marriage, the two individuals must blend together for success. A violinist depends upon a bow and a violin to make beautiful music. The bow and the violin are completely different. The bow has a function that is separate from the violin. Yet, the two parts perform together to produce a melodious sound. It is the same in marriage. You have different backgrounds, ideas and talents. However, it will take both of you to make the beautiful music of a successful marriage.
A harp symbolizes love. Love in marriage is like playing pleasing music on a harp with strings. A maestro is motivated by the love of the sound to practice many long hours to perfect his skill. In marriage love motivates the good manners of kindness and patience within marriage. Take notice of the little things that you love about one another. Recall these loving actions when things do not go the way you would prefer and when you seem to be clashing cymbals. Be willing to make sacrifices to keep your love strong. Loving gestures will reflect in the music of your marriage. During a musical performance, an audience often judges a musician's love of playing the harp by the expression on his or her face. Without ever saying a word, the maestro reveals his or her pleasure with the musical sound. In the similar way, couples that love each other will show their happiness and fulfillment in their actions and their faces, as well as their words. Disparaging remarks about your partner in front of other people is like a harp out of tune. When a spouse grows weary showing love to the other, often marriage will be discarded in divorce. Marriage partners are like a musician that plays melodious harp music; they reflect love and pleasure for one another.
Communication in marriage is often like playing a piano or organ with many different sounding notes. If a musician plays a wrong note or key on a piano, the listener is not pleased. In marriage if partners do not have open and frank communication with each other and God, the marriage will go off key and will suffer. Avoid worrying over the little things in marriage. Talk about problems. Discuss children, financial concerns, career changes and spiritual matters. Consider each other's opinion. Reflect upon the value of having someone to share your most important events in life. Open communication and careful planning often eliminates worry and anxiety and avoids the distasteful sound of wrong notes.
The trumpet of marriage unity makes a successful sound for a couple. Often a trumpet is played to show respect or reverence of someone's life. It has been said that a person often toots his/her own horn. In marriage, two must unify and merge into one family unit. You should seek to toot the horn of success together. When you are united through the bond of matrimony, seek the will of God in all your decisions. Call upon Him in Jesus' name to provide you with wisdom and guidance. Unify with politeness, forgiveness and kindness to one another. Show respect for your marriage partner. Proclaim the victory of your success by being respectful and honorable to one another. Be like a musician with a trumpet that sounds loudly and clearly.
When a couple exchanges vows amid music and shouts of joyous celebration, two individuals are starting a new life together. As a family unit, they are like musicians performing a harmonious and melodious new song music with their instruments. Musical instruments like cymbals, harp, piano, violin, and trumpet can remind couples of the characteristics for a successful marriage. The sweet sounds of harmony, commitment, love, communication and unity are the instruments of a successful marriage.

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How To Build Lasting Love In Your Marriage

Do you desire to have lasting love in your marriage? This is surely the wish of many Christian couples, however many of their relationships are either struggling or collapsing. This is not God's desire for any of His children. This article aims at enlightening you on how to build lasting love in your marriage.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail... - I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV).
Marriage is a spiritual institution and so should not be entered into or followed in the flesh, you need the help of God. Marriage is more than mere "I DO" though it's part of the beginning. It is the bonding of a woman and a man spirit, soul and body. That's why if you have sex, which is of marriage, with a harlot you become one with her and reap the consequences of it, the wrath of God.
For one to have lasting love in marriage you must know LOVE Himself. God is love (I John 4:8)! How much you know Him determines how lasting your love for your spouse will be. Your love for God determines how much you will love your spouse. I'm not talking about Eros (Love of the body or sexual desire) or Philia (Brotherly love), though you need them in marriage. I am talking about Agape love if lasting love is what you desire to have in your marriage. You need to love your spouse with the love of God. It will always pass the test of time. Others may fail but not Agape love.
God's kind of love
The scriptures in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 give a description of what God's love is. This is how to love your spouse, no conditions attached. That was how Jesus loved us that while we were yet sinners He died for us. God expects us to love our spouses like Jesus loves us. You are to love him or her, not because he or she loves you but essentially because you love God and you want to please Him. Otherwise, if you ever think that your spouse doesn't love you again, you may quit loving him.
What next?
In marriage, it's not about what you can get from your spouse or what he or she can give you; it is about what you can give him or her. Marriage is about what you can contribute into his or her life. God thought about marriage and instituted it because He felt something was missing in Adam and He made a helpmeet for Him. So, in marriage you are to supply whatever may be lacking in your spouse. You are not to get him or her to supply what is lacking in you; that shouldn't be your focus. For you to have lasting love, you need to mind your own part of responsibility and believe God to help your spouse do his or her own part.
The truth is that if you are depending on your spouse to make you happy you will be in trouble. He or she doesn't have the capacity to do that. Your happiness and joy lie in God. If He fulfills it through your husband or wife, that's great. But you must choose to solely depend on God for everything in your marriage. Choose to please God all the time and you will always please your spouse, and he or she will reciprocate same to you. Jesus, desiring to please God, the Father, always was a blessing to the people.
Furthermore, you can't love and not give. You may give without loving, but there is no way you will love and not give: your time, energy, and resources. Giving is living. God showed what it means to love by giving His only Son and there is nothing else He won't give you. Therefore, learn to give your best and all to your spouse.
In conclusion, do you desire to have a lasting love in marriage, then first know God (who is Love) and obey His instructions, choose to please your spouse, putting him or her first before you and make giving a lifestyle in your relationship and you will be building a lasting love in your relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10080352

Three Strands of a Christian Marriage

A Christian marriage celebrates a special bond of love, hope and faith between a man, a woman and God. Married couples take vows at their wedding to be faithful to each other and to God throughout their entire lives. Social research has shown that marriages last longer when husband and wife attend church together.
The Christian Bible contains many encouraging words about marriage. In the Gospels, Jesus tells His disciples, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." Jesus defends marriage and warns against divorce. Jesus transforms water into wine at Cana, which celebrates a new marriage. The Book of Revelation compares Jerusalem to as the bride of God.
If you are seeking a more meaningful relationship with your spouse or if you are preparing for marriage as an engaged couple, here are three cords of faith, hope and love that you can weave together in the tapestry of your life to make the blessings of marriage more present.
Faith is the first strand. Faith in your marriage, faith in each other, faith in God's presence are the underlying building blocks of a lasting and happy marriage. You express faith by the way you communicate with your spouse and your family. Your intention to grow closer in a Christian marriage relationship with your spouse and with God is what makes for a strong, lasting love.
Many Christian marriage counselors and pastors agree that marriage is all about relationship. Being in a relationship means sharing personal feelings and thoughts by telling your spouse in person or in writing. The same is true of prayer. Both husband and wife are individuals and have personal relationships with Jesus Christ. Yet, one of a couple's Christian marriage goals is to pray together.
The second is hope. Hope is the conviction of things not seen. Hope is the expectation that what you will receive what you desire and achieve what you work for. Hope is based on faith and confidence that God in Christ will bring about new life.
It is an act of hope to imagine what it would be like to have a Christian marriage relationship that lasts a lifetime. In the United States, marriages have a high failure rate. Over 55% of first-time marriages end in divorce. You can use the virtue of hope to live out Christian marriage vows by focusing on drawing power from God to strengthen your relationship.
In the third chapter of his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul writes, "Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us..." God has the power to bring about the vision of a lasting marriage of love, joy, peace, goodness, happiness, service and more. The value of a Christian marriage is the confidence that Jesus is risen and present in the marriage as a third partner.
Love is the third strand of a healthy and lasting marriage. Love is the most important teaching of Christ that finds its highest calling in a Christian marriage relationship. Consider the love chapter, Chapter Thirteen, from St. Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. Love is the most important trait of a Christian life. "Love is patient and kind... Love rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails."
Love is the fruit of faith, by believing in all things. Love is the flower of hope by enduring and persevering. Love is the presence and power of God in your marriage that brings you joy, peace, security and happiness.
Your married life is an example of the Christian life that witnesses to your spouse, your family, your church, and society. A Christian marriage allows you to be a role model to those who are skeptical about the value of marriage and be a light to those who are seeking more faith, hope and love in their lives.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/532826

The 7 Truths I Learned After One Year of Marriage

On September 5th, my wife and I celebrated our first year anniversary. It's hard to believe that a whole year has actually past. It feels like only a few days ago that we were stressing over guest lists, decorations and insane parents. I still remember how things came to a head the day before the wedding and my then fiance and I had a major blowout and didn't speak till 2hours before the service! At the time, I doubted everything in my life except gravity but today we are so much stronger and better people than we were back then.
The bible in the Book of Deuteronomy 24:5, advises that recently married couples should take the first year off to learn to love one another. I cannot overstate how vital this can be towards a successful marriage in the long haul. I wish I could have had a proper year but someone needs to put food on the table right?
The past year has been such a powerful experience for me as a man. I have debunked so many myths, learned so many truths and I believe in the process, become more of a man than I've ever been before. I would like to share some key learning's with you now.
Marriage (and life) is not about you!
Yes, that's right. It's not about you. Ha, no one likes to here that one. Marriage is about spending the rest of your life consciously choosing to love your spouse 110% and help them become everything that God created them to be. It's a bitter pill to swallow. Most of us get married thinking about what we're going to get out of marriage. Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever. This self-centered mentality will always and has always led to poor marriages and divorce. Marriage is about giving up yourself for the benefit of your spouse. Only when you give of yourself selflessly, consistently, genuinely and tirelessly will you have an awesome marriage. So what about my needs you ask? Why get married if I get nothing out of this? Well actually you do get a lot out of marriage. I mentioned them already; Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever J Seriously though, the funny thing about marriage is this. If you chose the right partner (and often, even if it was the wrong one), God has worked it out that whatever you pour into your marriage, you will receive back in equal measure and more. So what I discovered was, the more I lay down my selfish desires and focus on fulfilling my wife's needs, the more my wife would work at fulfilling mine. Ha?! Who'd have thought it?
Marriage is very hard work.
I can almost hear all the groans at that one. Yes, marriage is work and hard work at that too. In any way you color it, it simply isn't easy for any two people with totally different upbringing, cultures and thinking to live together as a unit and you expect it to be seamless. If anyone told you that this will be a stroll on the beach, well, they lied. And you should sue them. Now. You could use the extra money anyway. To make a marriage work, there is a lot of sacrifice, sweat, tears and sometimes even blood. There will be fights over silliness like, should the toothpaste be squeezed in the middle or the bottom. There will be anger, frustrations and crying over unmet expectations. There will be brokenness. There will be soccer nights and soap nights. There will be snoring and there will be farting. There will be in-laws and out-laws. There will be babies.So you see, there has to be a lot of work to make this work. Any man can tell you it's a lot of work to sit still and listen to a woman. We're just hopeless at emotional, touchy feeling sharing times. It's a lot of work for women to understand her mans fundamental need for respect even when he doesn't deserve it. It's hard work to find the time to make love between diaper changes and 12 hour work days. Marriage is a lot of hard work. The upside is, when you do it right, it's the most rewarding hard work you'll ever do.
Love is not a feeling and only God can provide the added juice!
Hmmm. Yes. Love is not a feeling. The bible tells us that there are different kinds of love. Eros- sexual love, Phileos- affectionate friendly love and Agape-Unconditional love. Now the greatest of these is Agape. It has nothing to do with feelings. It's a daily, moment by moment choice to do whatever is in the highest good for another. In marriage, we basically start with Eros - sexual love or emotional love. It quickly fades after a few months, even the honeymoon. I first heard from someone close to me long ago said in "Marriage, love is not enough" I didn't get it at first but what it means is that the emotional love will not take you through marriage. You will need Agape love to get through those incredibly tough times when you can't stand your spouse. When your husband comes home late for the umpteenth time after hanging out with the boys, only a God enabled choice can allow you to greet him with a smile and serve him his dinner and ask him how his day was as you massage his shoulders. So yes, you will need Agape love to make your marriage last and it's only by the grace and love of God that you can be able to show the same to your spouse.
Marriage can propel or break a man
We have all heard the great adage; behind every great man there is a great woman. And behind every black man, are the police! But yeah, this is another truth I've come to learn in the last year. In Genesis 2, God says, it's not good for man to be alone so let us create a suitable helper. The plan of God is for men to have dominion over the earth. Now, women's activists should slow down before they bite my head off. What that means is that we are supposed to work hard and subdue the earth in order to prosper. But there is a catch. We cannot do it alone. We need the input, encouragement, respect and help of a good woman. Yeah boy's you heard me, you can do great things but you can do unimaginable things with a great woman in your life. My wife, God bless her, is one of those awesome women. I have in the last year become so much more of a man in thought, character and spirit than in the last 29 years. I can see that I'm going to accomplish incredible things in my life. Boys, you need a woman who is your number one fan, who believes in you no matter what, who praises you and worships the ground you walk on. Trust me, ladies out there and men, if this is how a man is treated, he will always do great things.Of course the corollary is true. A bad woman can destroy even the best of men. It's incredible the amount of influence women have on us men. If used wrongly, it can lead any man down a path of destruction. I've seen good men become liars, cheats and thieves because of a woman in his life. Wars have begun because of women, the Great battle of Troy. So what's my point? Men, be very careful when choosing a wife because she can either make you or break you.
Marriage is not a 50/ 50 partnership.
This is one of the greatest myths people have when going into marriage. It's not a 50/ 50 partnership. It's a 100/ 100 partnership. If you go into this thinking you can give just 50% and your partner will do the other 50%, you will be disappointed. Marriage requires both parties go into this giving 100% of themselves, their time, their resources, their souls. If you are holding back, having a secret bank account, not opening up to each other fully or being honest, not forging and being compassionate, I can guarantee you that your marriage will never be as full and holistic as you'd like. Someone close to my wife advised her to have a secret bank account hidden from me so that she can keep a lifestyle for herself. The basic concept of "My money (hers) is my money and your money (mine) is our money" She disregarded this advice much to the gain of our marriage. Total disclosure and openness has fostered a level of trust and intimacy that I cannot describe. You cannot afford to withhold any part of yourself in Marriage if you wanted to have a great one. Marriage is about two people becoming one, that's two wholes becoming one, not two halves.
Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like
As most of you know, throughout my blogging I haven't hidden the fact that I believe the world is in dire need of real men. There are too many boys running around messing up the world for the rest of us. Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like. Marriage has shown me that real men are;

• Family Conscious- They prioritize their wife and kids above all other worldly things. Nothing except God takes priority over them.
• Responsible- They don't blame anyone for their life or circumstances.
• Providers- They take care of their family and those who have no one to help them.
• Protectors- protects his family physically, emotionally and spiritually.
• Priests - A man was designed by God to be the spiritual head of his home, to pray and intercede for them. A real man is tied into Jesus.
• Teachers - A man is a teacher. He has to teach those under his care the right way to live and do things as shown to him by God.
• Principled - Men have to have N.U.T.S Non negotiable Unalterable Terms. Principles of virtue, integrity, character, discipline, kindness, leadership etc by which they live.
• Selfless - Real men are not self-centered. They live their lives to make the lives of others better according to God's love.
• Diligent Hard workers - Real men are diligent hard workers. They work hard to provide for their families and provide a secure future for them leaving a wholesome legacy for their children.

Life doesn't always go according to plan but often times works out a whole lot better.
This is a funny one. In life we all have plans. When I'm twenty I'll do this. When I get a promotion, I'll do that. When I get married, I'll do that. But life likes to throw curve balls. My wife and I planned a simple small wedding which we would pay for ourselves. EEEEHH! Wrong. We planned to go to a certain exotic place for our honeymoon. EEEHHH! Wrong again. We planned to spend the first two years without children so we could enjoy us. EEEHHH! Wrong again. What happened. Well, we had a small wedding but we didn't manage to pay for it ourselves. We didn't end up in the exotic spot but instead discovered a beautiful suburban location is South Africa that is now on my top 5 holiday destinations forever. We didn't get to have our two years but every day when I look at our daughter, I melt with awe and joy. The lesson is, even though you don't get what you plan, you can often time get something a whole lot better than you had planned. Lesson, don't sweat it. For every lost plan, there is a bigger and better one. You just have to keep an open mind.
I can clearly tell you though, there is still quite a lot for me to learn but I'm looking forward to learning them all. What I can say is, marriage is a beautiful and wonderful institution when God is in the midst of it. It's challenging but rewarding and the best human relationship of all. To those who aren't married and want to, I encourage you to. Those who are married and having a rough time, there's always hope.
Shalom.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5110678

Love And Marriage - Work On Love To Revitalise Your Marriage

There are many different kinds of love. The love of a mother for her baby, the love of a friend, the love of family, the love of a pet, the love of nature, but the most unique of all relates to love and marriage. Work on love to revitalise your marriage.
Love in marriage is the ultimate emotional union between two human beings. There are different levels of emotional union and all are important, but marriage is special because it is where two people share everything, physically, emotionally and spiritually. In marriage a couple bond together as one. They are soul mates. A soul mates mate is a person with whom you have a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and compatibility. The strongest romantic bond that you can achieve with another person is to become soul mates. A soul mate is a romantic partner, with the implication of an exclusive lifelong bond.
Marriage is the highest form of love where two soul mates fuse together to become one and return to the ultimate being. Both partners in a marriage bring different things to the relationship. They may have similar or complementary outlooks on life. Two different people bringing different things to the marriage is what makes the relationship exciting and dynamic. Marriage is a didactic relationship where two people in love achieve more together than if the two were working independently.
Marriage is the sacred union of mind, body and soul. Nakedness in a marriage is a symbol of that union because there is nothing to hide. This total union of mind, body and soul does not happen overnight. Love and marriage is the key to a happier life. However even if it is love at first sight you need to keep working on the union. Work on love to revitalise your marriage.
The total union of two souls takes time. Build it up in stages, and enjoy each stage. There will be set backs from time to time but the set backs don't matter - it matters only about how you address those set backs. Have an action plan to work on problems together, but interestingly, problem solving is not the key to a happy, successful marriage. Love is.
Like Adam and Eve, temptation occurs when you think that the grass is greener on the other side of the mountain. But it is not. You may never reach the mountain top again so work on staying at the top rather than sliding haphazardly down the other side. It takes time and effort to get to the top of the mountain so it is advisable to enjoy it once you get there.
Share interests and do exciting things together in the marriage. Occasionally one of you may need to compromise, but the time invested will be well worth it. But also have some time out, some personal space to do your own thing. That way you will not get claustrophobic and will enjoy each other even more.
So why does a marriage fail? Why does that exclusive lifelong bond break? You have been seeking one another throughout the ages. Despite having bonded as soul mates, you are now considering separation. Does karma play a role? Or is the answer simpler than that?
In order for soul mates to find each other there has to be attraction to draw them together. And what sparks attraction for a woman to a man? - Leadership. And what sparks attraction for a man to woman? - Fertility.
The law of attraction dates back to of Adam and Eve. The evolutionary theory of attraction indicates that the main attraction of a man to a woman is due to fertility and that the main attraction of a woman to a man is due to his qualities to provide and protect. A conjugal/romantic relationship has the main purpose of procreation to continue the human species. These actions are controlled by the subconscious mind because that is how we are biologically programmed.
It goes back to the caveman days and involves the hunter instinct. The hunter approach is very powerful in males when they initially find a new girlfriend. They show off their leadership skills - they ask you out; they pay for the meal; they open the door; they ask you to marry them. And women because of their biological instincts are subconsciously attracted to this behaviour - they fall deeply in love with this potential mate; this provider; this potential father of her children.
It goes without saying therefore, that when a marriage fails that the attraction has died. The bond of attraction which held the union together has failed. The secret to saving a marriage lies in rebuilding that attraction. And how do you do that?
The answer lies in leadership. You need to work on the male leadership skills in order to rekindle the hunter instinct in him so that he becomes that amazing, compelling, dynamic, charismatic leader which first attracted the female soul mate. And let her biology look after of the rest. Your sex drive will be reactivated. You will fall wildly madly in love again. Love and marriage is the key to a happier married life. Work on it together and your marriage will be revitalised.

Marriage - Alternative Or Open-End Lease Relationships - Man's Or God's Design?

How is your marriage? Is it really a priority? Or is it just drifting along with the current trends? Or, are you just "hanging in there" as they say? If you think about "hanging" it's really not a good position to be in. Is there room for improvement? Of course there is! Do you know who the original designer of marriage is? Did you know that your marriage is important to God? Knowing what God has to say about marriage will give you some keen insight. To help you better understand it from a deeper perspective. When you visit the corridors of scriptures you will find in fact that marriage existed from the very beginning. In the Book of Genesis it has been recorded that God had a design and plan for marriage from the inaugurational inception of time. "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman for she was taken out of man..." Just take a few moments to ponder and think about this passage of scripture.
Just like then, there continues to be a boisterous attempt to set aside and overthrow what God originally intended. Marriage is not some idealistic unattainable concept that has been created by mankind. Marriage is not some happy ever after fantasy. It is a Covenant commitment relationship that is made together between two imperfect people before the presence of the only Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient Perfect God. Whose divinely inspired basic concepts and origins lay in the foundational footsteps of Scripture. God is here to help us and abet in the creating of an environment in which this type of relationship can take place. God always leaves a remnant of his people who desire to live their lives to please Him. God really does want you to enjoy life on this side of heaven.
In the New Testament you will find an interesting example about a faithful couple named Aquila and Priscilla. They used there time, efforts, as well as resources to build the kingdom of God by bringing others to Christ. Aquila and Priscilla were united in both marriage and ministry. There is much power when two come together in agreement in the work of the Lord. It is most important to not just talk it but walk it as well. For them it was not just an outside show. It was a way of life. Aquila and Priscilla were devoted to the Lord and realized the significance of having a Christ-centered home. In the Bible you will find that they are never even mentioned separately. They met Paul on his second missionary journey and worked faithfully together along with him. When a couple is sincerely united in Christ they can accomplish much for the Lord. During their stay in Ephesus they encountered a young man named Apollos. The Bible records in Acts 18 that he was an eloquently learned man with the knowledge of scriptures. "He had been instructed in the way of the Lord and spoke with great fervor and taught of Jesus accurately though he knew only the baptism of John." It was Aquila and Priscilla who took him aside and further fully explained more adequately the way of the Lord. After this Apollos was greatly helped and went on to further proclaim the Truth, "he was a great help to those who by grace had believed." This is a great illustration of the powerful, significant effect they had by their working together. Their faithfulness resulted in them having a God centered home as well as marriage. With God "All things
are Possible."
As a believer you should be concerned with this God ordained ultimate relationship between a man and a woman. It is becoming increasingly clear that there is a growing increase within the world as well as the Christian population of those who do not respect appreciate, honor nor embrace God's design principles of marriage. Throughout the world there are various and alternative ways in which one can enter into a marriage. I ask, "But should it still be called marriage?" Marriage in many instances is no longer considered to be a lasting "Covenant Agreement." Man has really put a lot of relationships asunder. In the majority of cases marriage has defaulted to until we can no longer agree? Or until I get tired of you or you get tired of me? So you go your way and I will go mine...This is not what God intended. Here is a thought; why not in this case just simply call them what they are; alternative or open-end lease relationships?
It is by no way a coincidence that the Bible poetically uses an illustration of marriage as the reflection of Christ's eternal relationship with His Church. In fact His Church is His Bride! He intended that marriage was to be an institution of "Holy Matrimony", that is inclusive of His presence and guidelines. It is very important to consult the Lord when you are in or contemplating entering into marriage. Quite impulsively, and a lot of times on the rebound, many hastily jump heart first into marriage. Not really knowing the person who they have married. All too often they are "unequally yoked." There is certainly much preparation that is needed before, after and during in order to embark in His relational committed concept of "Two becoming one flesh." But much too often they are simply laid aside. It's important that your marriage be a priority. It effects not only you, but your children, relatives, friends...Most people think carnally rather than spiritually when it comes to marriage. In marriage God wants us to minister to one another as well. This will nurture and develop a healthy mutual symbiotic relationship.
One must learn and subscribe to becoming transparent within this type of committed relationship. Marriage is a continuous growth process for both partners involved. There is much spiritual warfare waged against, as well as to divide God's design for marriage. Love, respect, trust, intimacy and praying for one another consistently are crucial. In order to know and experience this, one must eagerly, openly and honestly seek the scriptures to assure oneself that this is a doable concept. Intimacy in marriage is crucial! God has an endless reservoir of ways to keep your relationship interesting and satisfying. God did not leave us here on earth to flutter and flounder and allow whatever the current "Now" generational concepts to become popular for our directional path for marriage. For many "anything goes." Although not at all an easy joint venture, I must warn you that it even becomes much more difficult without incorporating His Biblical principles. "I feel, I need, I want," takes the helm. Instead, immediate self gratification becomes a chosen path for many. God has designated a route and navigational passageway for marriage that has now all too often been aborted. But with Him it really is possible! The intimacy, strength, acquired spiritual growth and character building benefits outweigh any seasonal difficulties that one may ever incur. It can also yield a pleasant, peaceful abode.
The scriptures tell us "God is Love." Just notice how loosely the word "love" is used by so many. Since the cohesive component of marriage should be love, how can one truly love without God? Who in fact is Love! Love does not delight in evil. It rejoices in Truth! Above all "Love never fails" (Really read slowly and digest I Corinthians 13) For example; It is like making something sweet without using sugar. Instead just any preferred artificial sweetener can suffice. My point is that no matter how closely it mimics sugar an artificial sweetener is not sugar! So without God, I choose to employ the syntax that without God who is love, one simply has "intoxicating affections". It is not the same! Instead they won't last; your emotional roller coaster will take the helm. Disagreements you will have. A good strong marriage is made up of two independent individuals. Yet they earnestly strive to live and to do what is best for the marriage. There commitment to each other and God becomes a top priority. Herein humility, selflessness and patience are acquired as well. The marriage bed is honorable. This in turn gives glory to God's design for marriage.
God created us to love, learn, live and glorify Him as extensions of His creation. Marriage provides a God sanctioned partner relationship that helps you weather the tempestuous storms that come along in life. One should be able to express their hopes, fears, disappointments and desires. One should be able to discover love, truth, peace, commitment, transparency, comfort and experience relief and joy within marriage as well. Sacrifice is also a part of marriage. But all too often the reasons for coming together are buried and tucked away under the torrents of life. There is much spiritual growth experienced in love. Again the Bible says "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the Day of Judgment, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love..." (Read I John 4) I truly believe God wants marriage to last until...

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Is Yours a Bad Marriage Or Are You Bad at Marriage?

I waited until I was 30 years old to marry, and I did so with one goal in mind-I wanted to stay married and believed that I needed to take time to become marriageable. I wanted to develop some of the qualities I expected my future mate to have. Even with all my preparation I couldn't imagine the demands love would place upon me, nor the battle I'd enter into with myself.
Marriage is a unique relationship that truly requires one thing and one thing only...love.
Now, don't be too quick to dismiss what I just said. There's far more to that statement than what you might think initially. Remember the infamous song, "What's Love Got to Do with it?" In marriage the answer is everything.
Everything in marriage has to do with love. What you say, why you say it, and how you say it. What you want for yourself, your mate, and for both of you. What you do and your reasons for doing this or that, or not. In marriage love is everything.
In fact, I'm going to go ahead and put it right out there. Without love you don't truly have a marriage. And, even worse, without it you're simply going to be bad at marriage and actually create a rather bad marriage.
If love is so significant to marriage, then it's only reasonable to ask the question, "What is love," or at least, "What kind of love is it that makes one successful in marriage?" The answer to that lies in the definition of love. So, what is love? Well in our culture today we use the word love to describe just about everything, don't we? For example, we love sports, pizza, chocolate, shoes, ad infinitum. Obviously, this isn't the love we're speaking of that makes for great marriages.
There are three words Greeks used that reveal the true nature of love. Their description more accurately describes the kind of love strong marriages are built on; and, that can transform a "bad marriage" into a great marriage.
In great marriages couples express love as the Greeks described it-eros, philia, and agape. The best description of eros I've ever heard is that it's "the physical passion of the body and its intoxicating pleasure." I love that definition, and it's from someone most people would least expect to hear such a definition from-Pope Benedict XVI!
Philia is the love of friendship, and agape, lastly, is unconditional, selfless love. It's the "self-giving love of one who looks exclusively for the good of the other," to quote the pontiff Benedict once again. Of the three, agape is the most important because it holds all three together. So, in great marriages there is the powerful expression of physical love, the emotionally bonding love of friendship, and the life giving power of agape love holding it all together as couples give and receive from each other both physically and emotionally through acts of selflessness and sacrifice.
Therein is the battle I mentioned earlier on that I had. The battle is always within you. Love is demanding and you must decide again and again to take up the challenge of loving or selfishness. Now, here are some questions for you to answer for yourself.

• How good are we at blending the three expressions of love?
• Is there friendship in your marriage?
• How do you cultivate friendship with your partner?
• How good are you at openly disclosing your thoughts, feelings, desires, and needs?
• Are you willing and joyful about the opportunity to share the gift of your body with your partner?
• And, how well do you open up emotionally with your partner? When you're at odds, can you express yourself constructively? Can you remain supportive?

If you're unable to answer yes to these questions, it only means that you're not where you can be and as a result neither is your marriage. Unless there's abuse and dangerous behavior (violence, and/or criminal behavior) what is often considered a "bad marriage" is more often than not a case of being bad at marriage, or not very effective at loving self or others.
The reality is that most of us come to marriage bad at it, or not very good at loving (gifting ourselves to another person selflessly). And until we get better at loving, we'll continue to create experiences in marriage that make us and the one we love miserable. Being bad at marriage is a common problem, but the good news is that as long as you're capable of making a decision, you're capable of building a great marriage. My passion is to help couples realize that they can become very good at marriage-very good lovers in the fullest sense of the word as I've described it above.

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Love, Honor and Cherish - The Covenant of a Lifetime

Why get married at all when so many are just living together? The act of marriage is based on mutual respect for one another and the statement that you have chosen each other for the rest of your lives, not just while it is convenient. Society might say marriage is an outdated, archaic practice that is not any longer necessary, but I beg to differ. The institution of marriage is just as vital today as it was a thousand years ago. I will explain my stance and you can see if you agree.

Love

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds."(Nickolas Sparks, the Notebook) This definition is part of the love between a man and a woman who have chosen to marry and stay together for the rest of their lives. Marital love involves so much more. Love is a chemical, physical reaction as well as a psychological reaction to someone who has come into your life that you want to be a part of your life always.

Honor

Honor refers to the highest principles of moral standards with absolutely no fraud or lying. Honor is doing what is right. Honor in marriage is vital to the survival of the marriage. By placing immeasurable value on the life of our spouse, we honor them. They come before us always in a healthy marriage because we have decided to put our mate in the position that makes them the most valuable person on earth to ourselves. We have decided that our spouse's needs will be met before our needs. Honor is what drives married couples to take the essential steps toward marital satisfaction. If we do not have honor, then we cannot have a satisfying marriage.

Cherish

To cherish one another is giving affection, shelter and care to each other. You sustain and nourish this relationship because you want to help it grow. Most individuals believe that their spouse is the one person on earth that is their soul mate and they value this relationship enough to make sure that nothing happens to it.

The Covenant

The covenant is the agreement that supplies the promises and commitments to the marriage bond. The spiritual covenant that is binding and sacred is spoke of in the Bible. For those who do not adhere to the Bible, a covenant is the legal binding of a union. For Christian believers, married individuals made commitments to the marriage and are bound by God to live by them. Even when things do not go well for a married couple, the covenant continues to bind them.
In a final analysis; marriage, love, honor, cherishing and abiding by the covenant of marriage is just as relevant to our society today as it was a thousand years ago. Divorce was not meant to be, but because it is the easy way out rather than sticking with a relationship that needs serious work, people opt for divorce and violate the covenant of marriage.

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