“If I had a flower for every time thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”
– Alfred Tennyson
Often when we walk down the aisle, we want to believe that our husbands will be everything to us.
We want them to love us unconditionally, encourage us, make us happy, and become our best friends.
However, we often feel short-changed when it comes to the marriage relationship because we become disappointed in our husbands for one reason or another.
While you should enjoy your marriage, one thing you should understand is that marriage is not necessarily about your happiness. Marriage can help you to become a better individual and make you stronger. It should help to enhance and improve you as a person, but sometimes the improvements and enhancements can come at a cost and great pain.
When I say pain, I do not mean abuse or adultery. These types of situations require counseling, and/or other types of immediate intervention. Both of these situations are inexcusable and could ultimately cause death.
Your marriage should be a reflection of Christ and His church. But at times it's not. In fact, sometimes your marriage can be dead!
However, it is possible to rekindle the love and bring your marriage back to life.
After many years of frustration due to unmet expectations, I recognize now how much I need to add value to my relationships.
And in the case of marriage, I know I need to give my husband 5 things that will make him happy and keep him coming home.
I'm not saying that you should be the only one contributing to the marriage. Nor am I saying that your husband should be the only one to enjoy the marriage relationship. It definitely takes two to make a marriage work well.
But in my sixteen years of being married, I have learned that certain things make most men happy, and can ultimately help you to strengthen your marriage, by taking it from the grave and bringing it back to life
These five things include:
1) Food - Truly this is partly the way to a man's heart. Find out what your husband likes. Feed him and do it well. Make sure the food you give him is healthy and flavorful.
2) Sex - This is probably the top item. But the irony is that many of the women I coach struggle with having sex with their husbands. Men have a high physical need for sex. It's a part of who they are. I've often wondered why God made us so different in our views of sex. And while I have my opinions on this, I have learned to give in AND enjoy sex with my husband. Having passionate sex can make your husband happy and your marriage closer.
3) Respect - Women crave love and men crave respect. Again, this is an area where men and women differ in their perspectives, but if your husband knows that you respect him, instead of undermining him or being negative and argumentative, he may become more open to communicating with you. Often when a man feels disrespected by his wife he feels hurt, dejected, and less of a man. This causes him to shut down and leave the marriage... at least emotionally.
4) Peace - Men would rather run from home than to deal with a loud, chaotic household. Try to make your home a peaceful haven for your husband. Make it become a place he wants to come home to, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
5) Support - When a man dreams, he needs his wife to become his cheerleader, even when it looks like he is failing. When it's dark, he needs you to be his glimmer of hope.
Of course you cannot take the place of God. But often your husband needs you more than you realize.
If you can provide these things within your marriage with a sincere heart, you can begin the journey of bringing life to a dead marriage. Be willing to understand his needs and become open to sharing yourself with your husband in these ways. While doing some of these things may take a sacrifice, they can ultimately bring life back to a dead marriage.
– Alfred Tennyson
We want them to love us unconditionally, encourage us, make us happy, and become our best friends.
However, we often feel short-changed when it comes to the marriage relationship because we become disappointed in our husbands for one reason or another.
While you should enjoy your marriage, one thing you should understand is that marriage is not necessarily about your happiness. Marriage can help you to become a better individual and make you stronger. It should help to enhance and improve you as a person, but sometimes the improvements and enhancements can come at a cost and great pain.
When I say pain, I do not mean abuse or adultery. These types of situations require counseling, and/or other types of immediate intervention. Both of these situations are inexcusable and could ultimately cause death.
Your marriage should be a reflection of Christ and His church. But at times it's not. In fact, sometimes your marriage can be dead!
However, it is possible to rekindle the love and bring your marriage back to life.
After many years of frustration due to unmet expectations, I recognize now how much I need to add value to my relationships.
And in the case of marriage, I know I need to give my husband 5 things that will make him happy and keep him coming home.
I'm not saying that you should be the only one contributing to the marriage. Nor am I saying that your husband should be the only one to enjoy the marriage relationship. It definitely takes two to make a marriage work well.
But in my sixteen years of being married, I have learned that certain things make most men happy, and can ultimately help you to strengthen your marriage, by taking it from the grave and bringing it back to life
These five things include:
1) Food - Truly this is partly the way to a man's heart. Find out what your husband likes. Feed him and do it well. Make sure the food you give him is healthy and flavorful.
2) Sex - This is probably the top item. But the irony is that many of the women I coach struggle with having sex with their husbands. Men have a high physical need for sex. It's a part of who they are. I've often wondered why God made us so different in our views of sex. And while I have my opinions on this, I have learned to give in AND enjoy sex with my husband. Having passionate sex can make your husband happy and your marriage closer.
3) Respect - Women crave love and men crave respect. Again, this is an area where men and women differ in their perspectives, but if your husband knows that you respect him, instead of undermining him or being negative and argumentative, he may become more open to communicating with you. Often when a man feels disrespected by his wife he feels hurt, dejected, and less of a man. This causes him to shut down and leave the marriage... at least emotionally.
4) Peace - Men would rather run from home than to deal with a loud, chaotic household. Try to make your home a peaceful haven for your husband. Make it become a place he wants to come home to, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
5) Support - When a man dreams, he needs his wife to become his cheerleader, even when it looks like he is failing. When it's dark, he needs you to be his glimmer of hope.
Of course you cannot take the place of God. But often your husband needs you more than you realize.
If you can provide these things within your marriage with a sincere heart, you can begin the journey of bringing life to a dead marriage. Be willing to understand his needs and become open to sharing yourself with your husband in these ways. While doing some of these things may take a sacrifice, they can ultimately bring life back to a dead marriage.
Tiffany Godfrey is a women's relationship coach in the area of marriage.
Don't waste time complaining about how horrible your husband is. Do your part to make the marriage work.
You'll never know if coaching will help until you try to reach out to a relationship coach. Find out if coaching will work for you!
Don't waste time complaining about how horrible your husband is. Do your part to make the marriage work.
You'll never know if coaching will help until you try to reach out to a relationship coach. Find out if coaching will work for you!
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